Annotated Bibliography

ALTERNATIVES TO MARS AND VENUS
An Annotated Bibliography

This bibliography comes to you through the efforts of Kathleen Trigiani, an ardent supported of The Rebuttal from Uranus and author of her own web site "Out of the Cave: Exploring Gray's Anatomy," which debuted in October 1998. Out of the Cave takes a "big picture" view of the Mars & Venus phenomenon and is designed for busy people who want to get quickly acquainted with gender issues.By utilizing contemporary and cutting edge social research, Kathleen shows that there is something better for both women and men if we would only do a little homework.

Kathleen has grouped the books and websites that follow into three categories: 1) self-help, 2) analysis with some self-help features, 3) "pure" analysis with almost no self-help features, and 4) academic. She has tried to choose readable, interesting works which touch on the major issues raised in John Gray's books.

As Kathleen always says: Remember, you don't have to settle for Mars and Venus.

SELF-HELP BOOKS

Atwood, Nina. Be Your Own Dating Service: A Step-by-Step Guide to Finding and Maintaining Healthy Relationships. New York: Henry Holt and Co., 1996.
Appealing, upbeat guide to American dating in the 90's. Atwood affirms a woman's right to ask for dates, share expenses, etc. While John Gray wrote a lovely blurb for her book, her advice on "roles" is almost the opposite of "Mars and Venus On a Date." Atwood is a licensed psychotherapist with a thriving private practice in Dallas, Texas.

Lerner, Harriet Goldhor, Ph.D. The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships. New York: Harper and Row,1985.
A self-help classic. Lerner shows women how to turn anger into a constructive force for reshaping their lives and helping to build a more egalitarian society. Men will also benefit from its insights. Lerner is a licensed psychotherapist at the Menninger Clinic.

Lerner, Harriet Goldhor, Ph.D. The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships. New York: Harper and Row, 1989.
Another self-help classic. It is actually Part II of "The Dance of Anger." Lerner's book outlines the steps to take so that good relationships can be strengthened and difficult ones can be healed. Many men have also found these "dance" books to be helpful.

Schwartz, Pepper, Ph.D., and Janet Lever, Ph.D. The Great Sex Weekend: A 48-Hour Guide to Rekindling Sparks for Bold, Busy, or Bored Lovers. New York: G.P. Putnam's Sons, 1997.
Written by two nationally recognized experts on sexuality, The Great Sex Weekend unequivocally affirms women's sexual leadership. You will hear nothing about two-minute hand jobs or cuddles for quickies in this book! Schwartz is a professor of sociology at the University of Washington and is past president for the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality. Lever is professor of sociology at California State University in Los Angeles.

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ANALYSIS WITH SELF-HELP FEATURES

Brooks, Gary R., Ph.D. The Centerfold Syndrome: How Men Can Overcome Objectification and Achieve Intimacy with Women. San Francisco: Josey-Bass, Inc., 1995
A compassionate, sensible, never-preachy guide for any man who wants to make positive changes in his sexual life. Brooks is assistant chief of psychology in psychiatry and behavioral science with the Texas A&M University Health Sciences Center.

Hubbard, M. Gay, Ph.D. Women: The Misunderstood Majority. Dallas: Word, 1992.
Hubbard exposes faulty assumptions about women and therapy, examines the politics of gender research, and encourages women, men, and their counselors to view therapy with deeper understanding. This book can make people smarter consumers of counseling services. Hubbard is a board member of the American Association of Christian Counselors and is a licensed therapist with Christian Counseling Associates, Inc., in Denver, Colorado.

Johnson, Allan G., Ph.D. The Gender Knot: Unraveling Our Patriarchal Legacy. Philadelphia: Temple University Press, 1997.
A powerful approach to gender injustice that enables both men and women to be part of the solution. Without playing "blame games," Johnson compassionately defines and addresses patriarchy in terms that we can all understand. He reveals how both men and women can work towards gender peace. Johnson is a sociologist, writer, and diversity trainer/consultant. He is professor of sociology at the Hartford College for Women.

Real, Terrance. I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1997.
An interesting thesis: problems which society views as typically male are really attempts to escape depression. Real reveals how men can unearth their pain, heal themselves, restore relationships, and break the legacy of abuse. Real is co-director of the Harvard University Gender Research Project.

Schwartz, Pepper, Ph.D. Love Between Equals: How Peer Marriage Really Works. New York: The Free Press, a division of Macmillan, Inc. 1994.
Ground-breaking study of the differences between egalitarian and traditional marriages. A profoundly upbeat, helpful book by a highly respected and popular sociologist specializing in gender, family, and sexuality issues. Schwartz is professor of sociology at the University of Washington.

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ANALYSIS

Bailey, Beth L. From Front Porch to Back Seat: Courtship in Twentieth-Century America. Baltimore: The John Hopkins University Press, 1989.
A fascinating study of American dating between the 1920s and the 1960s. Bailey shows how its legacy still influences female and male roles today. Read it after you finish "The Rules" and "Mars and Venus On a Date." Bailey teaches history at Barnard College.

Eisler, Riane. The Chalice and the Blade: Our History, Our Future. New York: Harper Collins Publishers, Inc., 1987.
A compelling story of humankind's cultural origins. It makes a good case that war and the "battle of the sexes" are neither divinely nor biologically ordained. And it provides well-grounded hope that a better future is possible--one that is rooted in the haunting drama of what happened in our past. Eisler is an internationally acclaimed futurist and activist. She is co-director of the Center for Partnership Studies in Pacific Grove, California. In the January/February 1998 issue of "New Age Journal" is a "conversation" between Eisler and "Dr" Gray, who couldn't match her depth and understanding of history.

Faludi, Susan. Backlash: The Undeclared War Against American Women. New York: Crown Publishers, Inc., 1991.
Witty, incisive analysis of the 1980s backlash against feminist gains in America's major institutions. The chapter, "It's All In Your Mind: Popular Psychology Joins the Backlash" is "must-read" material for John Gray's critics. Backlash was published one year before Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus made the NYT Bestsellers List. I find it revealing that while the media constantly carped at a few statistical errors in Backlash a few months after it made the NYT Bestsellers List, that same media has completely ignored the major flaws in MMWV. Talk about backlash! Prior to publishing Backlash, Faludi was a Pulitzer prize-winning reporter for The Wall Street Journal. She is now a free-lance writer and lecturer.

Fausto-Sterling, Anne, Ph.D. Myths of Gender: Biological Theories About Women and Men. New York: Basic Books, 1992.
A detailed, but very readable book about current research advances and problems in the biological study of sex and gender. Fausto-Sterling is a genetic embryologist and is professor of Biology at Brown University.

Hochschild, Arlie, Ph.D. The Second Shift: Working Parents and the Revolution at Home. New York: Viking Penguin, Inc., 1989.
Insightful analysis of the politics of housework and childcare in contemporary American marriage. Writen with the sensitivity of a fine novel, The Second Shift sheds much light on why so many men are still unwilling to take equal responsibility for "the second shift." Also, Hochschild shows why John Gray's advice to "thank the man in your life for doing a chore" is so demeaning to women. Hochschild is a Professor of Sociology at the University of California, Berkeley.

Tavris, Carol, Ph.D. The Mismeasure of Woman: Why Women Are Not the Better Sex, the Inferior Sex, or the Opposite Sex. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1992.
Witty, engaging, and enlightening work which unmasks the widespread but invisible custom--pervasive in science, law, history, government, and Mars and Venus--of treating men as the normal standard, women as abnormal. Tavris is a social psychologist, lecturer, and writer. She is a Fellow of the American Psychological Association.

VanLeeuwen, Mary Stewart, Ph.D. Gender and Grace: Love, Work, and Parenting in a Changing World. Downers Grove, IL: Inter-Varsity Press, 1990.
This book transcends the nature-nurture debate about gender and convincingly shows that sexism is a spiritual problem. "We cannot use either biology or culture to excuse our moral failures as men and women." VanLeeuwen is professor of psychology at Eastern College. She is also the resident scholar at its Center For Christian Women In Leadership.

VanLeeuwen, Mary Stewart, Ph.D., Annelies Knoppers, Ph.D., Margaret L. Koch, Ph.D., Douglas J. Schuurman, Ph.D., and Helen M. Sterk, Ph.D. After Eden: Facing the Challenge of Gender Reconciliation . Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1993.
Excellent inter-disciplinary, cross-cultural study of gender relations in all of society's major institutions, including the churches. Provides balanced discussions of the various types of Christian and secular feminism, along with an illuminating analysis of masculinity and femininity. The authors are affiliated with the Calvin Center for Christian Scholarship and represent the following disciplines: psychology and philosophy, sociology, history, theology and ethics, and communication and rhetorical studies.

Williams, Christine L. Still a Man's World: Men Who Do Women's Work. Berkeley, CA: University of California Press, 1995.
Eye-opening study of male nurses, elementary school teachers, librarians, and social workers. Shows that while women in "male" professions struggle with "glass ceilings", men in "female" professions are whisked on "glass escalators." In effect, they're treated better than women. Has an excellent discussion of masculinity and femininity. Williams is associate professor of sociology at the University of Texas, Austin. (By the way, society has put John Gray on a glass escalator.)

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ACADEMIC

Connell, R.W. Masculinities. Berkeley: University of California Press, 1995.
Witty and unflinching, Masculinities is essential reading for anyone interested in the history of western masculinities and the sexual politics of the contemporary era. This is the most sophisticated analysis of masculinity to date. Connell is a noted sociologist with a specialty in gender issues and is Professor of Education at the University of Sidney, Australia.

Foucault, Michel. The History of SexualityVolume I: An Introduction. Translated from the French by Robert Hurley. New York: Vintage Books, 1990.
In this first volume of his ambitious multi-part study, Foucault offers a dazzling, iconoclastic exploration of why we feel compelled to continually analyze and discuss sex, and of the social and mental mechanisms of power that cause us to direct the question of what we are to what our sexuality is. Foucault was formerly the director at the Institut Français in Hamburg, and the Institut de Philosophie at the Faculté des Lettres in the University of Clermont-Ferrance. He wrote frequently for French newspapers and reviews, and held a chair at France's most prestigious institution, the Collége de France. Foucoult died in 1984. [SH]

Graham, Dee. L.R. with Edna I. Rawlings and Roberta K. Rigsby, "Loving to Survive: Sexual Terror, Men's Violence, and Women's Lives." New York: New York University Press, 1994.
A compelling but controversial thesis: most women have Societal Stockholm Syndrome. Like hostages who bond with their captors, most women internalize their subordination to men in order to survive. In asserting their theory, the authors ask readers to re-consider virtually all that has been deemed "true" about relationships between men and women. This landmark book on the psychology of gender helps explain why so many women love the Mars&Venus works and has practical suggestions for overcoming Societal Stockholm Syndrome. Graham is Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Cincinnati, Rawlings is Professor of Psychology at the University of Cincinnati, and Rigsby is a Ph.D. candidate in psychology at Miami University in Oxford, Ohio.

Laqueur, Thomas. Making Sex: Body and Gender from the Greeks to Freud. Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1990.
Turning Freud's famous dictum around, Laqueur points out that destiny is anatomy. Sex, in other words, is an artifice. We cannot fail to recognize the players in Laqueur's story--the human sexual organs and pleasures, food, blood, semen, egg, sperm--but we will be amazed at the plots into which they have been woven by scientists, political activists, literary figures, and theorists of every stripe. [SH]

Lerner, Gerda. The Creation of Patriarchy. New York: Oxford University Press, 1986.
Written by one of the most brilliant historians of the late twentieth century, "The Creation of Patriarchy" dramatically tells the story of the origins of male dominance in family and society. A "must read" for any serious student of relationships. Winner of the 1986 Joan Kelly Prize of the American Historical Association. Lerner is Robinson-Edwards Professor of History Emerita at the University of Wisconsin, Madison.

Scott, Joan Wallach ed. Feminism and History. New York: Oxford University Press, 1996.
Are women the same as or different from men? This book brings together the best critical articles available to analyze the ways in which differences among women (along the lines of class, ethnicity, race, and sexuality) and between women and men have been produced. This book has a purely analytic focus. Scott is Professor of Social Science at the Institute for Advanced Study at Princeton University. [SH]

Walkowitz, Judith R. City of Dreadful Delight: Narratives of Sexual Danger in Late-Victorian London. London: Virago Press, Ltd., 1992.
From tabloid exposés of child prostitution to the grisly tales of Jack the Ripper, narratives of sexual danger pulsated vigorously through Victorian London. Expertly blending social history and cultural criticism, Walkowitz shows how these narratives reveal the complex dramas of power, politics, and sexuality being played out in late nineteenth-century Britain, and how they influences the language of politics, journalism, and fiction. Scott is Professor of History and Director of Women's Studies at The John Hopkins University. [SH]

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Websites

Singlescoach

Singlescoach is an online advice column and discussion group which helps American singles navigate the complexities of modern romance. Led by psychotherapist and relationship coach Nina Atwood, author of the acclaimed Be Your Own Dating Service. Nina happily calls herself "the anti-rules girl."

Having Healthy Relationships

"Having Healthy Relationships" promotes entertaining lessons on egalitarian relationships for adolescent girls and boys. This curriculum has been successfully implemented in several U.S. and Canadian schools and is sponsored by Men for Change, the Canadian pro-feminist organization.

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