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Savage Dragon & Destroyer Duck #1

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Strange Cultural Phenomenon

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For the past decade or so, we've been witness to a strange new phenomenon in media and culture: the "hot" line of dialogue.

The theory, apparently, is that if a line evokes a positive audience response in one film or television show, it ought to be just as serviceable in any other production. (Coincidentally, it also unburdens the writer of any obligation to think of something new and interesting.) Thus the same lines are recycled endlessly across a broad spectrum of media, from feature films to sitcoms, from comic books to talk radio.

Worse, due to the pervasiveness of media in our lives, the same stock dialogue now regularly creeps into everyday human discourse. If you doubt this is something relatively recent, ask yourself how often you heard your parents or grandparents drop "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn", "Top o' the world, ma!", or "China Clipper calling Alameda" into their conversations.

Note that the examples cited below are not mere threadbare phrases like "between a rock and a hard place," "happy camper," "fire in the belly," "cool links," and innumerable other inanities that have eaten into the language. These examples are complete in themselves as responses within the context of a conversation. Strung together with just a few transitional phrases, they could comprise a conversation.

We've now reached the point where Hollywood is writing our dialogue.

The next time you hear one of these lines, laugh out loud at the person who said it or the writer who wrote it. The next time one of these lines threatens to escape your own lips, do humanity a favor and stick a finger down your throat.

The world doesn't need to hear any of these shlock mots again.

1. "Cut to the chase!"
   (Submitted by J. Kaposta.)
   This line is singularly obnoxious for its supposed 'Hollywood insider' quality. When used in conversation, it amounts to people who watch movies imitating characters in movies imitating people who produce movies. It may be the definitive Trite-Me. Thank you, Mr. Kaposta. — S.G.

2. "Don't even think about it!"

3. "You're history!"

4. "You're toast!"

5. "I'm your worst nightmare!"

6. "Wrong answer!" (Invariably followed by gunshot or blow.)

7. "I've got a bad feeling about this."

8. "I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."

9. "Are we all on the same page?"

10. "You don't have to be a rocket scientist to ________." (Fill in blank with the activity of your choice.)

11. "It's not brain surgery!"

12. "I LIKE it!!!"

13. "It's showtime!"

14. "I love this job!"

15. "He's one ________ short of a ________." (E.g., "card, full deck"; "wheel, bicycle"; "tree, hammock".)

16. "I knew that." (Supposedly hip-ironic, indicating that, in fact, the speaker didn't know.)

17. "You talk the talk, but can you walk the walk?"

18. "Been there, done that." (Optional addenda: "Got the t-shirt." "Got the soundtrack." Submitted by Hilary.)

19. "[subject] [verb] — NOT!" (Contributed by Mike Caldwell.)

20. "It's a ________ thing." (Fill in blank with "guy," "girl," "good", etc.)

21. "You are one sick puppy, ________!" (Fill in blank with name of addressee. Contributed by Eileen Wharmby.)

22. "Cool beans!" (Contributed by Rene L. Blake.)

23. "Go for it!" (Contributed by Rene L. Blake.)

24. "Whatever...!" (Contributed by Jeff "Doh!" Pidgeon)

25. "As if!" (Contributed by Jeff "Doh!" Pidgeon)

26. "Don't [even] go there!" (Denotes a conversation approaching a delicate topic. "Even" is optional. Contributed by Daniel Barer.)

27. Any catch phrase from "The Simpsons," such as: "D'oh!" or "Mmm, [edible/quasi-edible object]!" (Contributed by both Zombie-Woof@msn.com and Dearmad@earthlink.net.)

28. "Ah'll be bahk!" (Contributed by Zombie-Woof@msn.com.)

29. "Read my lips!" (Contributed by Zombie-Woof@msn.com.)

30. "He shoots—he scores!" (Contributed by Zombie-Woof@msn.com.)

31. "No shit, Sherlock." (Contributed by Zombie-Woof@msn.com.)

32. "Let's rock and roll!" (Indicating that the speaker wishes to proceed with a mundane act that has nothing whatsoever to do with rock music. Contributed by Zombie-Woof@msn.com.)

33. "All-RIGHT-y then...!" (Contributed by JohnSokko@aol.com)

34. "I'm baaaack!" (Contributed by lomougin@sol.wf.net)

35. "Yesssssss!" (Frequently accompanied by two-thumbs-up gesture. Contributed by both cat yronwode and Dan Judge. Dan also noted: "This has become the standard victory cry ever since 'Home Alone' came out. Marc Klaas, father of murdered 12-year-old Polly Klaas, even said it when his daughter's killer was recommended for the death penalty.")

36. "Isn't that special." (Spoken sarcastically with no questioning inflection. Contributed by cat yronwode.)

37. "[I've/he's/she's/it's] fallen and [I/he/she/it] can't get up." (Contributed by cat yronwode.)

38. "I love the smell of __________ in the morning!!" (Contributed by Mikes4word@aol.com. Gerber ruefully admits to using this one on his own home page.)

39. "See you in hell!" (Contributed by Michael Lacusta mlacusta@direct.ca.)

40. "Hell-OOOO?" (In the "wise up, stupid" sense, as in: "There is heroin in your insulin syringe! Hell-OOOO?" Contributed by James A. Gardner.)

41. "What part of ____ don't you understand?" (As in "What part of 'no' don't you understand?" Contributed by James A. Gardner, who added: "Truly and aggressively arrogant phrase, I kicked my own ass when I found myself saying it to my 4-year-old.")

42. "Do you want fries with that?" (Contributed by Rachel Chalmers rachel@apnpc.com.au.)

43. "Are you talking to me?" (Contributed by Thomas Martens martensa@cadvision.com.)

44. "Eh-heh eh-heh, huh huh." (Beavis & Butt-Head laughter. Contributed by Bryan Christanto bchrista@lynx.dac.neu.edu.)

45. "They're heeeeeeere!" (Contributed by Julia Beisser julia@networx.net.au.)

46. "It's all good." (Meaning: "That's all right." Contributed by Daniel Carroll dcarroll@hal.skidmore.edu.)

47. "Not on my watch!" (Contributed by Seth Magdich magdich@elwha.evergreen.edu and Bryan.Rosenberg@colorado.edu.)

48. "Money talks, bullshit walks." (Contributed by Amad Ramzan amad@dial.pipex.com.)

49. "Isn't it ironic?" (Contributed by Bryan.Rosenberg@colorado.edu, who notes: "Anyone saying this should be shot.")

50. "24/7." (Contributed by Bryan.Rosenberg@colorado.edu. Catch phrase for those too tired to say 24 hours a day, seven days a week.)

51. "Earth to ____, come in, ____!"
    (Submitted by Vincent J. Eckert.)

52. "My turn!" (Submitted by Halloween Comics publisher James D. Hudnall, who notes: "Usually said by someone who just got beat up and is now miraculously able to beat up the other guy.")

53. "That's gotta hurt!" (Submitted by James D. Hudnall.)

54. "You go, girl!" (Submitted by James D. Hudnall.)

55. "Thanks for sharing that." (Submitted by James D. Hudnall.)

56. "These are interesting times." (Submitted by James D. Hudnall.)

57. "Show me the money!!!"

58. "Way!" (Delivered in response to "No way!" Submitted by Hilary.)

59. "What are you? Stupid? Crazy? High on crack?" (Submitted by Hilary.)

60. "Wake up and smell the coffee." (Submitted by Hilary.)

61. "Totally!" (Submitted by Hilary.)

62. "Elvis has left the building." (Submitted by Hilary.)

63. "Hasta la vista, baby." (Submitted by Hilary.)

64. "TMI." (Meaning: too much information, more than I want to know, usually in reference to an uncomfortable subject.)(Submitted by Hilary.)

65. "What a concept!" (Submitted by Elliot Maggin.)

66. "Make my day." (Submitted by A-Bahami, bahami@ix.netcom.com and Gary R. Johnson, urania235@wwnet.com.)

67. "Talk to the hand!" (Submitted by Frank Davis, fdavis@icserve.net.)

68. Any line from any Quentin Tarantino film, but especially references to "Getting medieval on [someone's] ass." (Submitted by Adam Worrall, worrall@spectranet.ca.)

69. "My bad." (Meaning "my fault" or "my mistake". Submitted by Bryant Christanto, ayamada@lynx.dac.neu.edu.)

70. "Attituuuude!" (Usually delivered with hand in someone's face. Submitted by webboss@basd.k12.pa.us.)

71. "If I were a girl, I'd kiss you." (Submitted by Heredeiros@geocities.com.)

72. "This is not your [mother/father]'s _________!" (Submitted by John Nicol, jnicol@students.uiuc.edu.)

73. "Houston, we have a problem...!" (Submitted by Lou Mougin.)

74. "Hello, Cleveland!" ("In the rock-star-in-concert sense. This only counts as a cliché if the speaker isn't a rock star and isn't playing a concert in Cleveland," adds Bob Kennedy, bobkindc@erols.com.)

75. "Here's a quarter—call someone who gives a shit!" (Submitted by "Dr. Harry Scrotum", evil alter ego of Randy Stevenson, jrbobdobbs@hotmail.com.)

76. "Keep it real." (Submitted by Richard F. Thompson, thompson@neuro.usc.edu, who notes: "I don't even know what this means.")

77. "I love you, man." (As in the beer commercial. Submitted by Russell Smith, rantingboy@boone.net)

78. "Yadda-yadda-yadda." (Substitute for "et cetera." Submitted by Mark Speener.)

79. Catch phrases from "South Park," especially "Oh my God, they killed Kenny!", "Yeah I want Cheesy Poofs!", and "My pot pie!" (Submitted by MechaZero@aol.com.)

80. "C'mon, everyone is doing it." (Submitted by MechaZero@aol.com, who notes: "Spoken with 'convoluted mock sarcasm,' and people who say this need a smack in the face. It's just not funny, and it hasn't been since 1988.")

81. "Get with the program!" (Submitted by Suzanne Weiss.)

82. "Are you my nigger?" (Meaning, "Can I count on you to be completely loyal and obedient?" Submitted by Gerson H. Lozano Ortega, glozano@buzon.infonavit.gob.mx)

83. Making reference to any political scandal or investigation by adding the suffix "-gate" to the topic — e.g., "Troopergate", "Irangate", "Travelgate". (Submitted by Doug Mabry.)

84. "I am|that is|you are so not __________. (Fill in blank with appropriate adjective— e.g., "happy," "convinced," "amused." Submitted by Lea Hernandez, akiyama@concentric.net, who adds, "The TV show Friends has a lot to answer for.")

85. "Bonus!" (From Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. Submitted by Lea Hernandez, akiyama@concentric.net.)

Background adapted from art by Jeffrey Zeldman.
Text Copyright ©1998 Steve Gerber. All rights reserved.