A Difficult Day

Hey Friend. I have been paying much attention to your recent prayers. I am with you.

It grieves me intensely that you should have to face such a hard day alone, in a waiting room full of people who are, to you, strangers. I knew you’d need a friend today, so I dropped what I was doing to be with you.

Look at you. You have grown into a man right before my eyes. I remember so clearly, as if it were yesterday, the day you invited me into your heart to save you from your sins. Your were but eight years old and couldn’t fully understand what it all meant, but you trusted me and we became best friends.

And that night just two years ago, when you found your partner and lover Scott in the arms of another man, I had never seen you suffer such intense despair before. I was with you and I held you tightly until you were again strong.

Then how can I forget last April? Yes, it was then when you mustered enough courage to confide in another Christian about your struggle with homosexuality and your wish to get help. I was with you. It was I who arranged that big coincidence the night of April 19^th, when you somehow came across the posting on the Internet, offering a support group for men who were going through exactly what you were going through. Remember how surprised you were to find them? Remember how you always had prayed for such a group? I do.

And here we are. It has been a victorious, if not complex, year for you. You have walked away from old comforts. You have read many books, watched some videos, attended conferences and undergone counseling, all in the name of finding healing. Wow….that took a lot of courage. You have found fellowship within your support group where you have shared your fears, found new hope, brought your secret life into accountability, and made much progress for which I am proud of you.

The Enemy lost a great advantage over you the day you confessed your struggle to your Brothers and Sisters. Yes, a good number of them are strong prayer warriors and have been attacking Satan’s hold on you. But I’m sure this is probably already obvious to you in light of the progress you have made. Do you remember how vulnerable you used to be to the sexual power men had over you? Do you realize that it has now been nine months since your last fall? This is VICTORY My Friend! You should be rejoicing in your deliverance and giving thanks to the Father! Yet, you look so down and so broken…why?

Oh yes….right. That is why we are both here today. To hear the results of your HIV screening. I know you are scared, so I want to place on your heart some truths to enable you to react successfully to either possibility:

If we get a positive result, I am with you. I will reach out to your heart and hold it in My hands as you receive the news you have dreaded for so long. I will hug you tightly as you experience meaninglessness, isolation and self-loathe. I will hold on to you and cradle you when you begin to blame Me, get angry at Me and ignore our friendship. You will, however, always feel My presence with you. I will speak silently to your heart during prayer and audibly through My other friends in your church and support group.

You will torture yourself with the question How could I have been so stupid and so promiscuous? I will, at such time, place a gentle reminder on your heart that you are now viewing your actions in retrospect from a healthy mind. When you acted out, you were suffering and you made decisions from a handicapped perspective. You must forgive yourself and remember how real and how strong those feelings were. (We are here today to see what biological consequences we must endure. Don’t worry about any spiritual or eternal consequences…I already took care of that for you.) Until you got the help you needed to recover from homosexuality, you had few choices but to act out.

You craved men to fill an emptiness inside you and I am compassionate toward your weaknesses.

I know you are frightened. It is now that you must cling jealously to your faith. Laugh at those who doubt my resurrection and ignore the critics. If My resurrection were a hoax and I never gained victory over death, I wouldn’t be here today for you to feel My presence. And all those prayers you prayed in My name would have fallen on deaf ears, if I were not the living Son of the Creator. But, your prayers offered in My name were indeed answered.

I will wait for you to come around. And when it is time, we will work together to use this trial to bring you closer to me, to bring hope to others, and to bring glory to our Father’s name.

Your mission has become three-fold now:

First, you must stay focused on My guidance. Remember that even I suffered and died on this Earth (see, suffering is not a sign of our Father abandoning you!)

Second, you have to work with Me as we fight to expose the lies of Satan. We will work together and gather all the wisdom and experience you have gained in this area, and you can use your gifts to help others avoid some of the mistakes you have made.

Lastly, you must never consider yourself as defeated. Our Father is a god of hope and an advocate of healing. It is an insult to the Father when you rule out the possibility of a miracle…even a miracle that the world deems impossible. Satan is a big fan of hopelessness. He will use it to weaken you and have you turn away from your Father who loves you. Be aware of this and guard yourself against it.

We will get though this, Friend. Together you and I will work to recapture the life we were building together as a team. Hurry back…there’s still lots of work left to do.

If we get a negative result, I am with you. I will smile because you will be smiling. It will be good to see you smile again. You will experience feelings of joy, relief and hope. I will hold you and cradle you when you let down your guard and allow old habits to sneak back into your life. I will stick close to you and speak silently to your heart during prayer and audibly to you through My other friends in your church and support group. You mustn’t allow Satan to fill you with feelings like You have a fresh start now…go taste all life has to offer or God protects you from all harms….go have some fun. Many good men have fallen victim to these lies and I don’t want you to be one of them. I love you so much and I want to see you grow.

Your mission has become three-fold now:

First, you must stay focused on My guidance. Remember that I had the assurance of eternal life, but limited time on earth to get the Father’s work done. So it is with you too my friend. Your negative HIV result is not a guarantee of extra time on earth…it is just an indicator that your earthly life might not conclude by this particular illness..

Second, you must work with Me as we fight to expose the lies of Satan. We will work together and share all the wisdom and experience you have gained from your struggle, and I will show you how to use your gifts to help others avoid some of the mistakes you have made.

Third, Satan is a big fan of hopelessness. He will use it to weaken you when you least suspect it. Be on your guard.

Negative or positive….I love you and we have much work to do.

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