God, Sex and the Bible - Part 1.Contents Part 1:
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God, Sex and the bible.1. Introduction:(top)It is sometimes thought that God is against sex, but God created sex and 'everything he created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it received with thanksgiving because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer' (1 Tim 4:4-5). We should remember that the institution of marriage and the command to multiply was given before the fall into sin. The idea that God is against sex probably arises because of the various prohibitions against unlawful sex that there are within scripture. These are necessary because of the sinfulness of man in a fallen society. The 1 Tim 4:4 text quoted above is made within the context of people forbidding marriage, but the scriptures clearly teaches that God created marriage and that sex within marriage is good, in fact Paul teaches that married couples should not deprive each other of sex and only abstain from sex for a short period (1 Cor 7:3-6). If forbidding marriage is one extreme then the other extreme is that complete freedom of sexual activity is OK. The truth is that marriage is good, and that sex within marriage is good, but that sex outside of marriage is sinful and it will incur God's judgement. (1 Tim 4:1-5) The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. {2} Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. {3} They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth. {4} For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, {5} because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer. (1 Cor 7:3-6) The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. {4} The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. {5} Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. {6} I say this as a concession, not as a command. We also have a tendency to highlight sexual sins over other sins. Not only will sexual immorality barr us from heaven so will lying, hatred, impurity, drunkeness, envy, jealousy and greed. However in his ministry on earth Jesus was especially compassionate to those who had fallen into sexual sin. See Jesus attitude to the sexual sinner (Rev 21:8 NIV) But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars--their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death." (Gal 5:19-21 NIV) The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; {20} idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions {21} and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. (Eph 5:5-6 NIV) For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person--such a man is an idolater--has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. {6} Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. impurity -- Strongs 167. akatharsia, ak-ath-ar-see'-ah; from G169; impurity (the quality), phys. or mor.:--uncleanness. i.e. Morally defiled or polluted their sexual or moral purity. See Rom 1:24, 6:19 2 Cor 12:21 Gal 5:19 Eph 4:19, 5:3 Col 3:5. I suspect this makes all of us impure, that is, sexual sinners see Jesus attitude to the sexual sinner Clearly we all need a way of escape, since most of us are sexually impure. Fortunately, Jesus died for sinners not for saints. (Luke 5:32 NIV) I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." (Rom 5:8 NIV) But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Heaven will be full of forgiven sinners and hell will be full of those who thought they had no need of forgiveness. (Luke 18:13-14 NIV) "But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' {14} "I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." Never ever ask God for justice, because he might give it to you, ask him for mercy. God is rich in mercy. He has an abundance of mercy. However great your sins are, he has more grace and more mercy. If you deserved mercy then it would not be mercy. Grace means that you get what you do not deserve. The gospel of God could never be invented by man because it is not fair -- Jesus the righteous one died for our sins. (1 Pet 3:18 NIV) For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit, Paul, the greatest of sinners, because he persecuted God's people, delighted to testify about the gospel of God's grace (Acts 20:24 ), if God had no grace or mercy left then there would be no gospel. But, God who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved. Eph 2:4-5. He also preached that men should repent and turn to God and prove their repentance by their deeds. (Acts 26:20 see also 20:21 ) In the case of the woman caught in the act of adultery John 8:3 - 11 said to her -- Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" "No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin." In Paul's letter to the Corinthian church, he speaks of those who in the past had led sexually immoral lives, but they were now washed, sanctified and justified. (1 Cor 6:9-11) (1 Cor 6:9-11 NIV) Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders {10} nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. {11} And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. 1.1 Some key bible passages:
2. Sex and its origin and purpose:(top)Genesis gives us the answer to the chicken and egg question, the chicken came first. Who would have thought that man was created before woman, or that woman was made from man. This is not the natural order of things because naturally man is born of woman, but the creation of man was a supernatural event. We can only know this because of God's revelation in scripture. Genesis tells us about the origin of man and woman and it is to this that we must first go. 2.1. Man commanded to multiply:(top)Genesis describes the creation of the world and everything in it and especially man, it is natural that the origin and purpose of sex are also described. First we need to remind ourselves that God made man in his own image, in his likeness (Gen 1:26) and that man was not made in the likeness of the animals which were made according to their kinds (1:25). Man should be seen as distinct from the animals, he was made last and was made to rule over the animals. Sex should not therefore be seen merely as an animal instinct. (Gen 1:26-31) Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." {27} So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. {28} God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground." {29} Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. {30} And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground--everything that has the breath of life in it--I give every green plant for food." And it was so. {31} God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning--the sixth day.
2.2. Two become one flesh: (top)Now to say that the only purpose of sex is procreation is only half true, together with Gen 1:26-31 we should look at the more detailed account of the creation of woman in Gen 2:18-25. (Gen 2:18-25) The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." {19} Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. {20} So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. {21} So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. {22} Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. {23} The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, ' for she was taken out of man." {24} For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. {25} The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
(1 Cor 11:12) For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God. 5. In 2:24 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh' the word for 'united' (NIV) or 'cleave' (KJV) is the Hebrew 'debaq' 1692. dabaq, daw-bak'; a prim. root; prop. to impinge, i.e. cling or adhere; fig. to catch by pursuit:--abide, fast, cleave (fast together), follow close (hard, after), be joined (together), keep (fast), overtake, pursue hard, stick, take. When a man and woman are married they are united and when they have sex and they become one flesh, just as the first man and woman were from the same flesh. In Mat 19:6 Jesus comments on this verse by saying 'So they are no longer two, but one'. While the marriage is a covenant between two people the act of sex seals the covenant by blood. 6. They were not ashamed of their nakedness. 7. Note the 'For this reason' in v24 a the start of the sentence. The reason that a man leaves his parents to be united with his wife and to become one flesh is because the first man and woman where originally one flesh. The sexual act is later described in terms of Adam 'knowing' Eve which is fitting in the sense that in sex a man and woman blend physically and emotionally to a degree not possible in normal human relationships, they become one. The 'therefore' is also because the desire to be with a partner and become one flesh is greater than the bonding between children and their parents. There is also the sense in which a man's desire to end his loneliness is fulfilled in finding a partner, this seems to be God's intention in creating Eve. Adam first called her 'woman' 'ishshah:H802 the feminine form of man 'iysh:H376, because she was taken out of man (Gen 2:23 ), Adam later called his wife Eve -- life giver -- because she would become the mother of all living (Gen 3:20 ). 8. Just as man was created in the image of God so the woman is made in the image of man. Only the woman is of the same substance as man, but man was made from the dust of the earth but God breathed life into the man. 9. In taking a rib out of Adam and making the woman, does this imply that Adam was now incomplete, and needed the woman to make up what he is now lacking? Or should the imagery be taken to suggest that Eve was the same substance as the man (yet different). Adams reaction implies that she was of the same substance as Adam, 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, ' for she was taken out of man'. We need to remember the context in that Adam could only have company from the animals, which he could not relate intimately with and he could also relate to God. It has been suggested that the original man was androgynous, being neither male nor female and that at the time God made the woman God made them male and female (see Payne). This would imply an incompleteness in Adam which only Eve could fulfil, however this would also imply an incompleteness in Jesus which I would reject. Jesus found wholeness in obeying the will of His Father, which is how all singles should find wholeness. Wholeness is not necessarily found in a mate, and there is some danger in this teaching because it is not true. When a man and woman marry they can find a solution to the problem of loneliness as well as sexual fulfilment, but this is not the ultimate fulfillment, which can only be found in spiritual union with God. We are spiritual as well as physical beings. Marriage should be seen as a way of finding physical and emotional fulfillment but not spiritual. Non-Christian couples can find physical fulfillment through marriage, this is right but it is not complete fulfillment because man was made in the image of God to relate to God spiritually. God created mankind that they might seek after him and find him (Gen 4:26, Acts 17:26-27). (Gen 4:26) Seth also had a son, and he named him Enosh. At that time men began to call on the name of the LORD. (Acts 17:26-27) From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. {27} God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. 10. Adam names her woman (ishshah) because she was taken out of man (iysh), he recognises her similarity to him. Later he names her Eve (life giver) because she would become the mother of all the living (Gen 3:20), he recognises her difference to him in that she would give birth to children. Initially she owed her physical being to Adam because she was made from Adam but from then on all humanity would owe their physical being to Eve. The man names the other woman, suggesting that she is subordinate to him, just as he names the animals (see 1 Cor 11:3 ff.). However this is further exacerbated after the fall when Adam would rule over her (dominion, governor, reign, rule, have power). (Gen 3:20) Adam named his wife Eve, because she would become the mother of all the living. The creation of woman out of man from one flesh is used to explain the process whereby children leave their parents to become united with their partners to become one flesh again. This is a great mystery. 1 Cor 11:7 teaches that man is the image and glory of God and that woman is the glory of man. 1 Cor 11:8 teaches that woman was made for man. The woman was not made to complete Adam for she was made from Adam but to compliment Adam and to enable humanity to fully express itself. Just as the two become one they later produce children becoming many, who themselves become one. 2.2.1. NT teaching based on 'one flesh' (Gen 2:24). (top) Gen 2:24 is quoted four times in the NT Mat 19:5, Mark 10:8, 1 Cor 6:16, Eph 5:31 Jesus in his teaching on marriage takes us back to the origin of marriage as described in Genesis. (Mat 19:3-12) Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" {4} "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' {5} and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? {6} So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." {7} "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" {8} Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. {9} I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness (porneia: G4202), and marries another woman commits adultery (moichao: G3429)." {10} The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry." {11} Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. {12} For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it." 4202. porneia, por-ni'-ah; from G4203; harlotry (include. adultery and incest); fig. idolatry:--fornication. 3429. moichao, moy-khah'-o; from G3432; (mid.) to commit adultery:--commit adultery. It is the argument from creation which makes all forms of deviant sexual behaviour wrong. God created them male and female, the man leaves his father and mother and is united with his wife and the two become one flesh. It is clear that Jesus is endorsing the Creators intent that marriage and sex be between male and female. The male genitals were made for the female genitals, therefore bestiality, homosexuality, masturbation and oral sex are wrong, although scripture is silent on the latter two. The one flesh argument also prohibits unlawful sex which is outside of marriage (fornication), either sex before marriage or sex with someone other than the marriage partner (adultery). When a man becomes united with his wife they become one flesh, adultery breaks this one flesh union but divorce does not. Jesus recognises that in marriage God is joining the couple together which should therefore not be separated through man-made divorce, in fact it seems that God does not recognise the man made divorce because if a man divorces his wife and marries another woman he commits adultery. The exception is in the case of marital unfaithfulness in which adultery has taken place and the one flesh union broken. Regarding the exception clause except for marital unfaithfulness it is likely that divorce and then remarriage would be possible because of adultery. Jesus audience would be aware that the adulterer would or should have the death penalty and the innocent party would then be free to remarry. Regarding the difficult phrase "Not everyone can accept this word" D A Carson in EBC says "After a strong prohibition, it is highly unlikely that Jesus' moral teaching dwindles into a pathetic 'But of course, not everyone can accept this'." He goes on to elucidate this passage: It is better to take "this word" to refer to the disciples' conclusion in v. 10: "it is better not to marry." Jesus responds that not everyone can live by such a verdict, such abstinence from marriage. But some do, namely those to whom it is given--those born eunuchs, those made eunuchs by men (possibly in groups like the Essenes, but more likely a reflection of the rabbinic distinction between two types of eunuch: the impotent and the castrated--the latter very often for some high court position where there were royal women (cf. Acts 8:26-39; SBK, 1:805-7)--and those who have made themselves eunuchs because of the kingdom of God. The latter is not a commendation of self-castration but of renunciation of marriage in light of the disciples' remark, "it is better not to marry." Not everyone can or should marry, Jesus cites three groups who should not marry
Clearly those who are born eunuchs or made eunuchs by man cannot consummate marriage and therefore should not marry. The one flesh union between male and female is not possible. Those who impose celibacy upon themselves for for the sake of the (claims of the) kingdom of God (not for attaining it) should also remember Paul's counsel that it is better to marry than to burn (1 Cor 7:9). Neither should celibacy be imposed by men upon those who can marry (1 Tim 4:3 ). (Mark 10:2-12 NIV) Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" {3} "What did Moses command you?" he replied. {4} They said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away." {5} "It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law," Jesus replied. {6} "But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.' {7} 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, {8} and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. {9} Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." {10} When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. {11} He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. {12} And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery." Mark 10:2-12 is similar to Mat 19:3-12 except:
(1 Cor 6:15-20) Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! {16} Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." {17} But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. {18} Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. {19} Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; {20} you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your body. In 1 Cor 6:15-20 uses the argument that since a Christian is part of the body of Christ that he should not unite himself with a prostitute and become one flesh with her, the implication being that he is taking the members of Christ and uniting them with a prostitute and Paul is outraged at this idea. (Eph 5:21-33) Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. {22} Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. {23} For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. {24} Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. {25} Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her {26} to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, {27} and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. {28} In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. {29} After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- {30} for we are members of his body. {31} "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." {32} This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. {33} However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. The Christian teaching on marriage is for the wife to submit to her husband and for the husband to love his wife (Eph 5:22, 25), thus modifying the results of the fall in which the husband rules over his wife (Gen 3:16). However to maintain order the man is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, however such headship must be done in love, a Christian husband is not to lord over his wife as the heathen do. The husband has the ultimate authority in the household but his authority is to build up and not to destroy (2 Cor 13:10). His wife is a fellow heir of grace. In Eph 5:28-29 Paul uses the 'one flesh' principle to argue that husbands should love their wives as their own body. The 'one flesh' is so real that in loving his wife he is loving himself. (1 Cor 7:3-4) The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. {4} The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. In 1 Cor 7:3-4 the one flesh argument also means that the wifes body belongs to her husband and vice versa. 2.3. Adam knew Eve his wife: (top)
The king James version gives a better translation of Gen 4:1 in which the Hebrew word yada': H3045 (know) is used to describe sexual relations between Adam and his wife. The natural result of sex is children but the other purpose off sex is so that the man and woman may know each other and be united (dabaq: H1692) together (Gen 2:24). Sex strengthens the bonding between marriage partners. Sex outside of marriage creates a new bond which effectively terminates the marriage. A married man knows his wife in a unique way that no other man can or should know, and a married woman knows her husband in a unique way that no other woman can or should know. 3045. yada', yaw-dah'; a prim. root; to know (prop. to ascertain by seeing); used in a great variety of senses, fig., lit., euphem. and infer. (including observation, care, recognition, and causat. instruction, designation, punishment, etc.) [as follow]:--acknowledge, acquaintance (-ted with), advise, answer, appoint, assuredly, be aware, [un-] awares, can [-not], certainly, for a certainty, comprehend, consider, X could they, cunning, declare, be diligent, (can, cause to) discern, discover, endued with, familiar friend, famous, feel, can have, be [ig-] norant, instruct, kinsfolk, kinsman, (cause to, let, make) know, (come to give, have, take) knowledge, have [knowledge], (be, make, make to be, make self) known, + be learned, + lie by man, mark, perceive, privy to, X prognosticator, regard, have respect, skilful, shew, can (man of) skill, be sure, of a surety, teach, (can) tell, understand, have [understanding], X will be, wist, wit, wot. 2.4. The Fall. (top)The fall described in Gen 3 precipitated a great crisis in which:
(Gen 1:28) God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground." (Gen 3:16) To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." The woman's pain in childbearing is greatly increased, and yet she will still desire her husband and he shall rule over her. The nature of the relationship between the sexes is now changed. They had been made as equals, now the woman shall be ruled by the man. Man had been commanded to be fruitful and multiply, that process now will become painful. (Gen 2:15) The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. (Gen 3:17-19) To Adam he said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat of it,' "Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. {18} It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. {19} By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return." Man had been given the job of working and caring for the garden of Eden, now he is banished from it and he must work the soil in painful toil to find food for himself and his wife. (Gen 3:15) And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel." There is though a note of hope, from the woman's offspring would come someone who would crush Satan's head (the proto-gospel). This event however precipitates disorder starting with the first murder and ending in a society so evil and violent that God decided to start again. (Gen 6:5-8 NIV) The LORD saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. {6} The LORD was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain. {7} So the LORD said, "I will wipe mankind, whom I have created, from the face of the earth--men and animals, and creatures that move along the ground, and birds of the air--for I am grieved that I have made them." {8} But Noah found favor in the eyes of the LORD. (Gen 6:11-13 NIV) Now the earth was corrupt in God's sight and was full of violence. {12} God saw how corrupt the earth had become, for all the people on earth had corrupted their ways. {13} So God said to Noah, "I am going to put an end to all people, for the earth is filled with violence because of them. I am surely going to destroy both them and the earth. Jesus refers to the destruction in the days of Noah and the days of Lot. It is significant that during the days of Lot marriage was not one of their significant activities. We are quickly coming to the same situation on the earth.. (Luke 17:26-30 NIV) "Just as it was in the days of Noah, so also will it be in the days of the Son of Man. {27} People were eating, drinking, marrying and being given in marriage up to the day Noah entered the ark. Then the flood came and destroyed them all. {28} "It was the same in the days of Lot. People were eating and drinking, buying and selling, planting and building. {29} But the day Lot left Sodom, fire and sulfur rained down from heaven and destroyed them all. {30} "It will be just like this on the day the Son of Man is revealed. 3. Singleness: (top)Single people can represent a threat to married people because they are available. Married people can look down on singles, 'We've made it, they haven't'. Pity can be shown to singles, they are not complete, we are. Likewise singles see the problem's of marriage and think 'thank God we aren't married'. Most singles will marry, some have the gift to lead a fulfilled single life, others are single against their will, they have not found someone who will marry them, to them it is a difficult burden. It is a truism that singles desire to be married and the married desire that they were single again (sometimes). Of course the key to leading a fulfilled single or married life is in fellowship with the Lord. Jesus was single and found fulfillment in doing the will of God. Likewise satisfaction with one's marriage partner can only really be found when both partners seek God. While marriage to an unbeliever can bring physical fulfillment, it cannot meet the desires of the whole person which can only be fulfilled by a spiritual union with God. Marriage is a physical and emotional bond, but the spiritual union can only be found with God. This should not be surprising because God transcends the physical because He is our Creator. The creation story about the creation of woman out of man and the subsequent uniting of man and woman to become one flesh, together with Adams reaction on seeing Eve seems to imply an incompleteness in the single state in which completeness can be found by finding the right partner, your other half. However such a theory does not do justice to two of the greatest single people who ever lived, Jesus and Paul. One can hardly describe Jesus as incomplete, in fact one could say that he is the most complete human being who has ever lived. His completeness and fulfillment consisted in his relationship with the Father which points to us finding fulfillment in our relationship with God rather than finding the right partner. Woman was created to compliment man rather than to complete man. A complimentary partner should be seen as a blessing from God. Paul argues that remaining single is better than marriage, there is no issue of incompleteness in his thinking. Marriage is natural, which is the teaching of Genesis; it is a way of avoiding sexual immorality but singleness is better which is Paul's NT teaching. It is a remarkable fact that Jesus who was involved in the creation, for everything was created through him and for him had no sexual experience while he lived as a man upon the earth. This perhaps will help give some perspective to sex and encouragement to those who are still virgins. It should also be food for thought to those who are married and who think that single people are in some way deprived. In Paul's thinking singleness is a positive option because one is able to devote oneself wholeheartedly to serving God and advancing his kingdom. This does not imply that married people cannot serve God wholeheartedly but that it will be more difficult. If Paul is the example of the single apostle then Peter is the example of a married apostle. Paul in his teaching on marriage says that it is good for a man not to marry, but goes on to argue that because of the temptation to sexual immorality each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband (1 Cor 7:1-2). He goes on to say that this is a concession and not a command (v 6). In verse 7 he implies that there is a gift of singleness which is the ability to be content as single, clearly someone with a strong sexual desire does not have this gift and should marry (v 9), it is better to marry than to burn with passion. He also argues the case for remaining single in 1 Cor 7:25-38. 3.1. Virginity. (top)In talking about singleness it is necessary to mention virginity. It is sometimes thought that because of the reference in Rev 14:4 that women are defiling. However in the context of Revelation as a whole this means that those who follow Jesus had not defiled themselves spiritually by being idolatous. As the bride of the Lamb (Rev 19:7, 21:2 ) the church should be a spiritual virgin. (Rev 14:4 NIV) These are those who did not defile themselves with women, for they kept themselves pure. They follow the Lamb wherever he goes. They were purchased from among men and offered as firstfruits to God and the Lamb. There are numerous other references to virginity in scripture: (Gen 24:15-16) Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder. She was the daughter of Bethuel son of Milcah, who was the wife of Abraham's brother Nahor. {16} The girl was very beautiful, a virgin; no man had ever lain with her. She went down to the spring, filled her jar and came up again. (Exo 22:16-17) "If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife. {17} If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he must still pay the bride-price for virgins. (Lev 21:10-15) "'The high priest, the one among his brothers who has had the anointing oil poured on his head and who has been ordained to wear the priestly garments, must not let his hair become unkempt or tear his clothes. {11} He must not enter a place where there is a dead body. He must not make himself unclean, even for his father or mother, {12} nor leave the sanctuary of his God or desecrate it, because he has been dedicated by the anointing oil of his God. I am the LORD. {13} "'The woman he marries must be a virgin. {14} He must not marry a widow, a divorced woman, or a woman defiled by prostitution, but only a virgin from his own people, {15} so he will not defile his offspring among his people. I am the LORD, who makes him holy.'" When a woman loses her virginity the token of her virginity would be blood from the broken hymen. This blood should represent the blood covenant between her and her husband. (Deu 22:13-21) If a man takes a wife and, after lying with her, dislikes her {14} and slanders her and gives her a bad name, saying, "I married this woman, but when I approached her, I did not find proof of her virginity," {15} then the girl's father and mother shall bring proof that she was a virgin to the town elders at the gate. {16} The girl's father will say to the elders, "I gave my daughter in marriage to this man, but he dislikes her. {17} Now he has slandered her and said, 'I did not find your daughter to be a virgin.' But here is the proof of my daughter's virginity." Then her parents shall display the cloth before the elders of the town, {18} and the elders shall take the man and punish him. {19} They shall fine him a hundred shekels of silver and give them to the girl's father, because this man has given an Israelite virgin a bad name. She shall continue to be his wife; he must not divorce her as long as he lives. {20} If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the girl's virginity can be found, {21} she shall be brought to the door of her father's house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death. She has done a disgraceful thing in Israel by being promiscuous while still in her father's house. You must purge the evil from among you. Paul gives his advice to virgins (1 Cor 7:25-40): Reasons to remain celebate:
(1 Cor 7:25-40) Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgement as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. {26} Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. {27} Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. {28} But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. {29} What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; {30} those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; {31} those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away. {32} I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs--how he can please the Lord. {33} But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world--how he can please his wife-- {34} and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world--how she can please her husband. {35} I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. {36} If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. {37} But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin--this man also does the right thing. {38} So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better. {39} A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. {40} In my judgement, she is happier if she stays as she is--and I think that I too have the Spirit of God. (2 Cor 11:2) I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him. Reasons to remain a virgin before marriage:
(1 Cor 7:7 NIV) I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. What is the gift of singleness?
This is probably one gift we do not want. You do not need to worry that God has given you this gift when you do not want it, if you desire to get married you do not have this gift. However marriage is also a gift of God not a right. Many more people will not have the gift of singleness and will not be married. Some will remain celebate because of the kingdom of God (Mat 19:12) to do missionary work for instance. While we might not like or enjoy singleness we should try to lead fruitful lives, making the most of the time, rather than waiting for Mr or Miss Right to come along. The grass is always greener on the otherside, we think. Not always. (Mat 19:11-12 NIV) Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. {12} For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it." Not everyone can or should marry, Jesus cites three groups who should not marry
Clearly those who are born eunuchs or made eunuchs by man cannot consumate marriage and therefore should not marry. The one flesh union is not possible. 4. Marriage: (top)We marry because we desire physical and emotional intimacy with our partner. Most boys and most girls have this desire from an early age. It is much stronger than our bonding with our parents. The desire for a partner starts as an idealised image that we create in adolescence. This desire is strong, very strong and we pursue the fulfillment of this desire through most of our lives. 4.1. Marriage is for life: (top)(Rom 7:2-3) For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. {3} So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man. (1 Cor 7:10-11) To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. {11} But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. The scriptures (Rom 7:2-3 and 1 Cor 7:10-11) make it clear that marriage is for life, until one of the partners dies. It is a covenant that terminates on the death of one of the parties. Divorce is not an option. However Paul makes it clear that if you cannot live with someone, then separation is a possibility, but not divorce and remarriage. God does not expect a wife to live with a husband who beats her, she should separate, but still remarriage is not a possibility. Reconciliation is the only alternative to separation. The disciples were so shocked at Jesus teaching on divorce that they asked whether it is better then not to marry, Jesus seems to agree with them. Hence if marriage is for life it should be treated seriously and with respect. 4.1.1Remarriage after the death of a marriage partner Remarriage after the death of a marriage partner is not sinfull, the covenant between you and your partner has terminated. Once you understand the nature of this covenant you should not feel guilty if you remarry. After a period of mourning after the death of Sarah, Abraham remarried and had more children. (1 Cor 7:8 NIV) Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. (1 Cor 7:39-40 NIV) A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. {40} In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is--and I think that I too have the Spirit of God. (1 Tim 5:14 NIV) So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander. 4.2. Marriage: Pleasing one another. (top)(1 Cor 7:32-34) I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs--how he can please the Lord. {33} But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world--how he can please his wife-- {34} and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world--how she can please her husband. In the passage above which is part of Paul's argument for staying single he actually almost inadvertently gives the key to a good marriage, namely it is one in which each partner tries to please the other. He also implies that marriage is only in this life which is what Jesus also taught (Mark 12:25). (Mark 12:25) When the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. 4.3. Marriage and prayer: (top)(1 Pet 3:1-7) Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, {2} when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. {3} Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewellery and fine clothes. {4} Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. {5} For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, {6} like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. {7} Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (1 Cor 7:3-6) The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. {4} The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. {5} Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. {6} I say this as a concession, not as a command. In 1 Cor 7:3-6 Paul is saying that because of the one flesh relationship of marriage that the wifes body belongs to the husband and vice versa. Sexual intercourse is part of marriage and should not be unduly withheld. It is not more spiritual to have a sexless marriage as some might think. 4.4. Husbands and wives: (top)(Eph 5:22-33) Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. {23} For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. {24} Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. {25} Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her {26} to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, {27} and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. {28} In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. {29} After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- {30} for we are members of his body. {31} "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." {32} This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. {33} However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Col 3:18-21) Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. {19} Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. {20} Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. {21} Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. (Titus 2:3-5) Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. {4} Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, {5} to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. We have already seen that husbands need to try to please their wives and wives need to try to please their husbands (1 Cor 7:33). This is a basic rule for a calm domestic situation. In today's world if a person does not find fulfillment in a marriage from their partner they leave and try to find fulfillment elsewhere. The Christian view is that one has to put into a marriage to get anything out of it. Love gives while lust takes. A marriage cannot survive in a healthy manner if one person is always taking while the other gives. Now in Paul's teaching he corrects some imbalances that exist in marriage. Now in Eph 5:22-33 he teaches wives to submit to their husbands as to the Lord and husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church. He repeats this teaching in a shortened form in Col 3:18-21. For both wives and husbands Christ and the church is the model, wives are to submit to their husbands as they do to Christ and husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church, his body. Paul's emphasis is probably because wives find it difficult to submit to their husbands and husbands find it difficult to love their wives. He does not command the woman here to love their husbands, but in Titus 2:4 the older woman are to train the younger woman to love their husbands and children. For husbands Paul uses as his model Christ and the church which is his body. Just as Christ loves his body, the church, so husbands are to love there wives, because the wife is one body with her husband. Her body is his body and his body is her body. If a person cares for his own body then he is to care for his wife. In caring for his wife a husband is caring for himself. In marriage this is true, because as a man cares for his wife she will be more disposed to care for him. An indifferent husband will eventually find an indifferent wife. A wife will be more inclined to give herself sexually and emotionally to her husband at night if he has been caring for her during the day. Paul uses the same 'one flesh' principle in 1 Cor 7:3-4 to argue that each partner should fulfil their marital (i.e. sexual) duty to each other because the husband's body belongs to the wife and the wife's body belongs to the husband. (1 Cor 7:3-4) The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. {4} The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. The submission of a wife to her husband has to do with preserving order in the universe and in the home. Christ submits to God, the church submits to Christ, the wife submits to her husband and children submit to parents (1 Cor 11:3-12). The headship of the husband is based on the fact that he was created first, i.e. man was created before woman (1 Cor 11:8-9). However just as the wife submits to her husband the husband submits to Christ. (1 Cor 11:3-12) Now I want you to realise that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. {4} Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonours his head. {5} And every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonours her head--it is just as though her head were shaved. {6} If a woman does not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off; and if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut or shaved off, she should cover her head. {7} A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. {8} For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; {9} neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. {10} For this reason, and because of the angels, the woman ought to have a sign of authority on her head. {11} In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. {12} For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God. Submission is seen as a contentious issue these days, but for a woman to have authority over a men needs to be seen as what it is, that is rebellion against the created order. Incidentally Paul is not teaching that man is superior to woman but that to maintain order the husband has authority in the household. Genesis teaches that woman was taken from man so that they are made from the same substance. They are both made in God's image. Paul's teaching is that this authority must be exercised in love. In Christ neither male nor female are better before (Gal 3:28), just has being a slave or freeman makes no difference with God, they are treated equally but within the family structure the husband has the ultimate authority before God. In the same way the state is instituted by God and is to have authority over the population to preserve order. So in marriage the authority of the husband has been instituted by God. Some one has rightly commented that God made Eve out of Adam's side so that he could put his arm around her, she was not made from his head to Lord it over Adam or from his feet to be trodden down by him, but from his side to be his partner. (Gal 3:26-28) You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, {27} for all of you who were baptised into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. {28} There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. (Rom 13:1-2) Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. {2} Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgement on themselves. 4.4.1. Authority within the church: (top)(1 Tim 2:9-15) I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, {10} but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God. {11} A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. {12} I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent. {13} For Adam was formed first, then Eve. {14} And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. {15} But women will be saved through childbearing--if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety. In the church a woman is to learn in quietness and submission, she is not to teach or have authority over men. 1. Paul seems to be saying that because the man was made first he is to have authority over woman. 2, Secondly he is saying that because Eve was deceived, woman should not teach because they are more likely to be deceived into false teaching. Notice, that Eve was deceived into sinning, Adam was plain disobedient. 3. Woman will be saved through childbearing because: a. They are fulfilling God's command to fill the earth. b. Jesus was born of woman. (1 Cor 11:3-16) Now I want you to realise that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. {4} Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonours his head. {5} And every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonours her head--it is just as though her head were shaved. {6} If a woman does not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off; and if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut or shaved off, she should cover her head. {7} A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. {8} For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; {9} neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. {10} For this reason, and because of the angels, the woman ought to have a sign of authority on her head. {11} In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. {12} For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God. {13} Judge for yourselves: Is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head uncovered? {14} Does not the very nature of things teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him, {15} but that if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For long hair is given to her as a covering. {16} If anyone wants to be contentious about this, we have no other practice--nor do the churches of God. This passage also concerns authority and submission. By covering her head woman is signifying her submission to the male leadership. Paul argues that woman should submit to men because: a. Man was made first. b. Woman was created for man. c. Because of the angels The woman has a certain authority (exousia) in that in having her head properly covered in worship, she shows respect to the (good) angels who were in attendance. That these angels might be evil angels over whom women would have power certainly does not agree with the scriptural teaching that God's ministering angels (the good angels) serve God's people (Heb 1:14). Perhaps angels are mentioned in this discussion about the place of women in the church to remind Christians that angels are present at the time of worship and that they are interested in the salvation of God's people (1 Peter 1:10-12; cf. Gal 3:10) and sensitive to the conduct of Christians at worship. So the angels would recognize the breach of decorum were Christian women not to have proper head coverings and the long hair distinguishing them as women--the "sign of authority on her head" (v. 10), which symbolized her husband's authority over her. Taken from EBC (1 Cor 14:33-36) For God is not a God of disorder but of peace. As in all the congregations of the saints, {34} women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says. {35} If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church. {36} Did the word of God originate with you? Or are you the only people it has reached? Again submission and order are the principles applying here. 4.4.2. Woman is the glory of man: (top)(1 Cor 11:3-16) Now I want you to realise that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. {4} Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonours his head. {5} And every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonours her head--it is just as though her head were shaved. {6} If a woman does not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off; and if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut or shaved off, she should cover her head. {7} A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. {8} For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; {9} neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. {10} For this reason, and because of the angels, the woman ought to have a sign of authority on her head. {11} In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. {12} For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God. {13} Judge for yourselves: Is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head uncovered? {14} Does not the very nature of things teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him, {15} but that if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For long hair is given to her as a covering. {16} If anyone wants to be contentious about this, we have no other practice--nor do the churches of God. 4.5. Choosing a mate: (top)In the Lord: (1 Cor 7:39) A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. (2 Cor 6:14-17) Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? {15} What harmony is there between Christ and Belial ? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? {16} What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people." {17} "Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you." 1 Cor 7:39 implies complete freedom to marry anyone that one chooses provided they belong to the Lord. 2 Cor 6:14 says that one should not be yoked together with unbelievers. The greatest yoke is marriage although this verse can also be taken to include other yokes such as business. A yoke is the wooden device that joins two oxen together while ploughing. If the two oxen are equal size and strength and the both pull in the same direction then their job of ploughing will be an easy one, but if they are of unequal size and strength and pull in different directions life will be very uncomfortable. Marriage is a yoke and the two people are yoked together for life. If they are both Christians then should both be pulling in the same direction. The analogy with a yoke also implies that one's life aims should agree, for example the woman might want a large family while the doesn't even like children. If a man is over bearing and the woman is timid life is probably not going to be comfortable. 4.5.1.Similar temperaments: (top) Watchman Nee in his excellent book 'Glorify God' Vol. 2. Says that similar temperaments lead to a compatible marriage. For example, if one person is sloppy and the other is tidy, this is likely to lead to friction. If one person is quiet and the other is loud this is also likely to lead to friction. Consider the following:
The list is endless, but these are some of the things to consider, of course no one is perfect, but you must consider whether you can live with a persons weaknesses and their strengths. A wife once complained that her husband always checked each door and each window at night: and God answered her, "I have created your husband to be a door checker". Her husband worked at the local bank. Since a marriage involves a sexual union then sexual attraction is important, but it is not the only consideration in choosing a mate. Someone likens sex to the first stage of a rocket, it help get the marriage off the ground but will not sustain it. Watchman Nee says that sexual attraction will draw you into a marriage but not sustain it, therefore great care is needed so that you are not tempted to marry a person because of their looks without regard to a persons character. Eventually character is more important than looks, as many people discover to their cost. Someone said, "love is blind, but marriage is a great eye opener", open your eyes before marriage. Age is a consideration, a woman ages faster than a man and therefore a younger bride is more suitable. Although since women live longer than men, marrying a younger woman, which statistically is common, results in a woman being a widow for the last ten years of her life. In the early church, widows were a significant issue in the church (Acts 6:1, 1 Cor 7:8, 1 Tim 5:3 -16, James 1:27 ). Respect is important, the scripture says that a wife is to respect her husband (Eph 5:33), therefore there must be some qualities to respect in a prospective husband. (Eph 5:33) However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. A husband must love his wife, how does he treat you in public and in private. How does he treat others, these will give clues to how he will treat you. What you find is what you get, you should not think that you can change a person once you are married to them, it takes many years for God to change a person, you must not think you can do better. A person brings whatever strengths and weaknesses they have into a marriage and you will have to learn to live with them. Sandford has likened marriage to the two halves of an eggshell. We hope and think that when we marry someone that the two halves join together perfectly, but in fact the two halves belong to different eggshell and during a marriage the two halves must grind together until they become two smooth surfaces. This process is painful. There are people who are very compatible but these are rare and not the rule. However God uses marriage to mould and form Christian character, one should not despair because on entering marriage if one finds that that there are grave incompatibilities. If both are Christians the common bond will pull you through. A threefold cord is not easily broken. (Eccl 4:12) Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. If searching for a mate, one should bear in mind that if you want to attract a godly person you need to be godly yourself , because no one who is godly is going to marry a person they consider is not godly. You should not share the same moral or spiritual weaknesses or sins
4.5.2. Love, lust and infatuation: Do you know the difference? top One needs to understand the difference between love, lust and infatuation. 1 Cor 13:4-8 gives a good definition of love. (1 Cor 13:4-8) Love is patient, love is kind. Lust is the opposite of love, Infatuation is a crush on someone it is immature love. It is being in love with ones image of a person rather than the real person. C S Lewis in his excellent book 'The Four Loves' distinguishes between 'agape' love and 'eros' love. Agape love is a mature self giving love while eros love is a youthful sexual attraction. While marriage might start as eros it should move on to agape. It is said that love is blind but that marriage is a great eye opener. A person needs to have an eye open to the other persons weaknesses before marriage. One of the reasons for the high divorce rate is unrealistic expectations from marriage. If one is looking to marriage for ones own happiness you are likely to be disappointed. 4.5.3. Considerations: top You should consider the following:
You need to know your partners strengths and weakness, temperament BEFORE marriage, you will be unlikely to change them AFTER marriage, even though you might take years trying. Watchman Nee says that you should go into marriage with your eyes open and close them during marriage. Nagging will never change him. In a Christian marriage the husband should love his wife as himself, be considerate to her, not be harsh with her, treat her with respect. The wife must respect her husband and submit to him. Therefore those considering marriage should consider these qualities. For example a woman should ask herself whether she is able to submit to her potential husband, does she respect him as a person? Does he love her, is he considerate towards her and does he treat her with respect? 4.5.4.Who not to marry: top DON'T marry if one or more of the following conditions exist: (From NAMB)
Part 2: Illicit Sex8. References. (top)
Books for Singles: and sexual addiction
Links:
(top) Part 2: Illicit Sex
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