When a TV show goes on Autopilot

INT: SPRINGFIELD NUCLEAR POWERPLANT

MR. BURNS

Smithers, we need some endomorphic mooncow to...

Cut to...

INT: THE SIMPSON HOUSE.

Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie, are gathered in a circle around Homer.

HOMER (cheering)

Woo-hoo! The Simpsons are going to Las Vegas!

Everyone but Maggie cheers and high-fives. Maggie looks around, then high-fives the cat.

HOMER

Uh, wait a minute, haven't we already been to Las Vegas?

LISA

We're allowed to do things more than once.

BART (smugly)

Yeah, that's for sure! I've lost count of how many times Homer's had unnecessary surgery.

LISA (more smugly)

Well, you're catching up with him.

HOMER

Woo-hoo! The Simpsons are going to... uh...

LISA (sighing)

Las Vegas.

HOMER

Hey, wait a minute, isn't that where my Vegas wife lives?

MARGE (moaning)

Oh Homie, she died, two years ago.

HOMER

Woo-hoo! The Simpsons are going to Laughlin!

LISA (sighing)

Las Vegas.

HOMER

Las Vegas!

Cut to...

EXT: ON THE ROAD.

Homer gets out of car in front of dilapidated London Bridge, next to teenage boy in ill-fitting Beefeater costume. Sign says, "WELCOME TO LAUGHLIN, NEVADA."

HOMER

D'oh!

EXT: ON THE ROAD.

Homer gets out of car at Euro Itchy&Scratchy Land. Sign says, "WE'RE REALLY NOT ALL THAT FRENCH".

HOMER

D'oh!

EXT: ON THE ROAD.

Homer gets out of car in front of Las Vegas Hotel. He sees that hotel marquee says, "NOW APPEARING: CELINE DION".

HOMER

D'oh!

INT: LAS VEGAS CONVENTION CENTER

Sign says, "WELCOME TO COMPUGLOBALHYPERMEGANET DEX-CON-FEST-SHOW, COUPLES ADMITTED FREE!"

MARGE

Why did Mister Burns want you to go to Las Vegas?

HOMER

You know, I never asked.

MARGE (Suspiciously)

To this computer convention?

HOMER

D'oh!

MARGE

He did ask you?

HOMER

Uh, sure... why not? Well we're here, aren't we? ... And when you get right down to it, isn't that all that really matters? Now, where's my lucky blackjack socks?

Later...

INT: CASINO.

Homer is sitting in the lobby, changing his socks and shoes. (Insert "underpants" instead of "socks," depending on current Washington administration.)

HOMER

Ooh, look at all the celebrities! Over there, it's Alec Baldwin and Kim Bay-sing-jure!

MARGE

No, Homey, that's Ramon and Ann.

Everyone does blank stares. (Insert names of current rehab-celebrities or disgraced politicians.)

HOMER

And there's Sir Paul McCartney, and Ex-Mrs. Sir Paul McCartney.

MARGE

No, Homey, that's Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger.

HOMER

And Connie Chung is that Keno girl!

MARGE

No, Homey, that's... Oh wait, yes, that is Connie Chung. Ooh, and Maury Povitch is calling Bingo.

Homer is throwing his lucky socks in trash can that has mysteriously turned up next to him. That's unless they have become underpants, in which case animate both versions, then consult network censor.

Later...

INT: LOBBY OF COMPUTER CONVENTION

Ned Flanders' Vegas wife walks by, with Prof. Frink on one arm and Unkie Herb Simpson on the other.

MARGE

Oh, maybe we should've brought Barney. He never seems to have much to do, any more.

BART (smugly)

Yeah, we could use a little comedy relief, right about now.

HOMER

Ooooh, how about calling that Hank Hill guy? I hear he's become quite the lush, since FOX canceled his show, and his wife moved to Mexico. Heh... bet he thought he was good for at least fifteen seasons on FOX. ... That'll teach him to let his kid grow up.

LISA (superciliously)

Excuse me, but this main story line doesn't seem to be going anywhere. So, shouldn't we all be splitting up for our own sub-plots, about now?

Bart is holding a pick and shovel, and wearing a miner's hat that mysteriously appeared out of nowhere, and will again disappear, following the next line.

BART

I call dibs on hunting for Bugsy Segal's treasure.

HOMER

D'oh!

MARGE

Oh gee, I'm torn between indulging in my alleged drinking problem, or my gambling addiction. Maybe I'll just look for a swarthy gentleman with a foreign accent.

HOMER

Yeah, well we're running a bit late this week, honey. Why don't you just tag along with Bart?

LISA

Grrrrr! You always stick up for Bart!

Homer is digging through Marge's purse for money. Marge is distracted, sipping a glass of wine while dropping coins in a row of slot machines.

HOMER

Okay, okay, fine. Here's two hundred, Lisa. Now, go hit the sports-book while daddy cleans-out the all-you-can-eat buffet.

LISA

Can I play the ponies?

MARGE

Who's watching Maggie?

Cut to commercial...