Plastic Sousaphones

Someone on the list reported that plastic sousaphones are
routinely thrown out a second floor window at the factory in order
to test their durability.  They asserted that only the instruments
which survive are made available to the marching band market.

As a professional acoustics insultant and inventor of the
WAGNERPHONE, a plastic Wagner tuba, I must strongly protest the
offensive exaggeration of these assertions.

It should be perfectly obvious to anyone who has paid attention
to this important matter that the instruments which are made
available to the marching band market are, of course, the ones
which fail this impact test.

And what about the plastic sousaphones which survive this test?  We
launch them from higher windows in the factory.  Under these conditions,
and with a strong trailing breeze, these instruments have truly ramarkable
range.

Gotta go,
Prof. Cabbage, Ph.D.