I recently noticed that various people chose to debase the intellectual level of the hornlist by discussing farting. Not only was I appalled and disgusted, but I was extremely anxious to contribute. Then appeared a closely related musical topic, the Ophicleide. So I offer a brief history of this instrument.

The Ophicleide, like mortal sin,
     Was fostered by the serpent.
Its pitch was vague; its tone was din;
    Its timbre, rude and burpant.

Composers, in a secret vote,
     Declared its sound non grata;
And that's why Wagner never wrote
     An Ophicleide Sonata.

Thus spurned, it soon became defunct,
     To gross neglect succumbing;
A few were pawned, but most were junked
     Or used for indoor plumbing.

And so this ill wind, badly blown,
     Has now completely vanished:
I nominate the saxophone
     To be the next one banished.

Farewell, offensive Ophicleide,
     Your epitaph is chiseled:
"I died of ophicleidicide:
     I tried, alas, but fizzled!"

Gotta go,
Cabbage