About the Cabbage

When he assumes human form, the Cabbage resembles Brian Holmes, a Physics professor at San Jose State University. Holmes does research on the physics of musical instruments, and teaches a course on the physics of music. He studied horn with Harry Shapiro while frittering away his hours on a PhD in experimental low temperature physics. He remains active on horn, performing occasionally with the San Jose Symphony and Opera San Jose.

Holmes also composes music. Fans of the Cabbage might enjoy some of the following.

• TALES OF THE CULTURAL REVOLUTION for narrator/vocalist and brass quintet. This piece tells of the suppression of tuba players in china during the Cultural Revolution, and their subsequent restoration after the Gang of Four was purged.

• THREE FISHY TALES for high voice and piano. A cycle of songs about fish.

• CONCERTINI, a concerto for Toy Piano and Orchestra. This piece is an example of the "Minimal Liszt" school of composition.

• UPDIKE'S SCIENCE for high voice and piano. A cycle of six songs about science, based on humorous poems of John Updike.

• THE BIRTH OF THE PARKING METER. A one-act opera depicting the invention of the parking meter. Libretto by the composer. Seven singers, chorus, chamber orchestra.

• FUN WITH DICK AND JANE. A miniature opera for two sopranos, tenor, and treble. Based on the first-grade reader. Accompanied by piano, garden hose, and toy piano. The highlight is the remarkable aria "See Spot Run."

Less humorous, but still of interest to horn players are:

• THREE HUNTING SONGS for soprano and horn quartet. (12 minutes)

• PLOUGHING ON SUNDAY for treble (or women's chorus), piano, and natural horn. Three songs. (7 minutes.)

• THREE BLEAK SONGS for soprano, clarinet, and horn. (8 minutes)

• HUNTSMAN,WHAT QUARRY? for women's chorus, horn, and piano. Four poems of Edna St. Vincent Millay. (13 minutes)

• VARIATIONS FOR TWO PIANOS for tenor, horn, violin, and piano. Based on a poem of Donald Justice.

The Cabbage also makes regular contibutions to the Bulwer-Lytton bad writing contest. Numerous of his entries have been published in several books giving contest entries and winners. The object is to write the worst possible openning sentence for a novel. Some favorites include:

• She was good medicine for him: an aspirin for the ache of his doubt; a balm for the abrasions of his anxiety; an ointment for the hemorrhoids of his despair.

• Rodney suffered from such a severe case of writer's block that he couldn't even