What do you call an aardvark with a knife...?
A Well-aard vark !
An Australian joke. You have to read it with the right accent.
An Australian is walking down the road when he meets a New
Zealander leading two sheep. Curious, the Australian asks him
"Are you going to shear those sheep mate ?"
"No", replies the New Zealander, "these are both mine..
you get your own...!"
How do you get 100 old ladies to say 'Bugger'...?
Get one to shout 'Bingo' !
What is a capon...?
It's what Batman has !
What did the Lone Ranger say to his trusty companion when they reached the border with Canada...?
On to Toronto pronto Tonto !
How did the Grand Canyon get started...?
A Scotsman dropped a ten pence piece down a rabbit hole !
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood party ?
He pulled a mussel !
"Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a television"...
"Well go behind the screen..."!
"Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a set of curtains "...
"Pull yourself together man...." !
What time is it when an Elephant sits on your fence...?
Time to get a new fence !
What is the difference between an elephant's bum and a postbox...?
well if you don't know I won't send you to post any letters !
What do you call a man stuck in a bog...?
Pete !
What do you call a man stuck in a hole in the ground...?
Doug !
What do you call a man with no hair...?
Shaun !
Diner 1 : I think I fancy the Oasis Soup...
Diner 2 : Oh, what's that then ?...
Diner 1 : You getta roll with it !...
Why did Mrs Quasimodo buy a wok.....?
So she could iron her husband's shirts !
Quasimodo got the sack,but luckily he got..
a Back Payment ...and a Lump Sum !
What do you call a man under a pile of leaves..?
Russell !
A slug was mugged by a snail and went to the Police Station to
report the crime.
Police Constable : Well Mr Slug can you give me a description
of the snail that mugged you ?
Slug : No, sorry officer, it all happened so fast !
What did Mr Spock say when he heard he'd landed the job of
Science Officer on the Starship Enterprise ?
He couldn't believe his ears !
What sort of shampoo does Captain Kirk, of the Starship
Enterprise, use.....? (UK readers only)
Wash and Boldly Go !
Barman: Excuse me Sir, did you know there was a Steering Wheel
stuck down the front of your trousers ?
Customer: Yeah, it's driving me' nuts !
What do vampire sailors call their ships...?
Blood vessels !
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