Mad O'Rourke's MANIC PUB TRAIL 1997 For the Famous Statue of Limerick

The following text is taken directly from the 1997 passport

Hello there. Welcome to the Little Pub Co, where the customer is always wrong. This is the eighth year of the famous pub trail, a number which members of the Little People Secret Society will recognise as thamaturgic, being only three years from the end of the world. For this reason we have commissioned the one armed Irish sculptor Kevin Corroue to design The Statue of Limerick as this years prize. This is a unique statue in that it is also a wine or spirit amphora.

To receive this wonderful statue all you have to do is to visit any ten of the Mad O'Rourke's Little Pubs and collect a Limerick Mug from each pub. With each Mug you will receive a coupon from that pub. You must than simply write a wonderful limerick on the subject of Pubs, Wine, Beer, or anything related to the subject of liquid enjoyment and send it in having filled out this passport with your ten coupons to the address on the back. You will then receive Free! the magnificent Statue of Limerick and become a member of the Little People Society. The statue is on display in this pub now - stand up and have a look. Wouldn't you like one of them?

The Statue of Limerick

The statue was painstakingly carved in stone with chisel and forehead by Corrue. He is currently working on a four hundred and fifty foot version of the statue which he hopes will be erected in the Shannon approaches, welcoming the huddled masses of Americans to Limerick, the gateway of Europe

Mad O'Rourke's Manic Limerick Competition

Mad O'Rourke's Limerick Competition is open to everyone whether they do the pub trail or not. When you send in your Limerick with your passport it will automatically go into our 1997 Limerick Competition. This could lead to immortality even after you are dead because the best three hundred limericks will be fired on ceramic tiles and tiled forever into the toilets of the Little Pubs. If the entries are only superb we might even produce the Little Pub Book of Limericks, who knows? In any event many will appear in the Lark newspaper.

The limericks should be on a subject relating in some way to pubs, drink, food, wine, etc

The winner will receive The Golden Statue of Limerick Award engraved and one hundred pounds. Ten runners up will receive engraved Tankards commemorating their achievement, and of course hundreds of others will end up in the loo. Everyone is free to enter as many limericks as they like and this is of course on the understanding that they can be used in any way however bizarre without prejudice.

If you are of a perverted nature it may be helpful if you disguise this in your limerick. Often unusual practices, parts of the anatomy, etc are funnier when referred to by another name. Having said that we will of course accept normal vernacular. If you like, send photographs or drawings to illustrate your Limerick, again on the assumption that they may be used for anything except blackmail. As the year progresses we will exhibit samples of the poems submitted in the pubs and print them in the Lark. A copy of the limericks on the trail mugs will be in each pubs to give you food for thought.

To get your magnificent Statue of Limerick

Send in this passport together with ten coupons of different Little Pubs and your limerick (or limericks) to the address below. You must also include a Stamped Addressed Envelope (this is very important as we just can't hand write so many). Then you will receive within a week your notification to pick up your unique Satue of Limerick and be the envy of all your friends and colleagues.

Finally I would ask you all to Please Drink Harder and Faster in this extremely worthwhile cause.

"Someone take me to a Little Pub"

The list of the pubs is too long to fit on here.... what are we going to do? We'll put them on another leaflet and put it on the bar - so help yourself. That'll tell you how to get there too. Anyway, as the year goes on there's even more extraordinary pubs coming on so we'll update the list as they happen.

Remember I always like to hear your comments and suggestions, especially the bizarre ones. So if anything comes into your head, just write as usual to:

Mr Mad O'Rourke, The Little Pub Co.
P.O. Box 111, Kidderminster, Worcestershire, DY14 9DZ

End of passport

Well, I hope that you realise that you don't need the leaflet from the bar to know where to find the Little Pubs - just consult the Map. Note that posters in the pubs illustrating the Statue of Limerick (a design worthy of The Master) also state that if you visit all of the pubs, rather than just ten, then your name will be fired onto your Statue.

Trail Mug Limericks

After much diligent research in the name of drinking beer and having a good time, I have completed the trail, collected all the mugs, and can report that the limericks are as follows, shown alongside the tokens collected for the statue.

Little Chop House	Our pretty young barmaid from Cradley Hung by her toes in the doorway She said to her Beau "Come over here, Joe "I think I've discovered one more way"
Little Sausage & Porter	What a night at the Sausage and Porter Several Nuns had come in for a snorter While a Priest dressed in black Was enjoying the crack With the Mother Superior's daughter
Little Dry Dock	Serving food at the Little Dry Dock I was asked by a girl "Do you stock "Grouse, Peasant or Duck?" I replied "No such luck "But you're welcome to try my Gamecock"
Mad O'Rourke's Pie Factory	Our pretty young barmaid from Tipton Likes serving a roofer from Skipton She says "Y'um alright "For a quick-un tonight "But I mean just an arf, not a dipped 'un!"
Mad O'Rourke's Kipper House	Our barman who comes from Devizes Has gonads of different sizes One is so small It is no use at all And the other's so big it wins prizes
Mad O'Rourke's Pudding Inn	Our Nelly's a real gadabout She returned from a trip in the south He father said "Nelly "There's more in your belly "Than ever went in at the mouth"
Mad O'Rourke's Dun Cow Pie Shop	The landlady comes from Tottenham. She's no manners, or else she's forgotten 'em At tea at the Vicar's She took off her knickers Because, she declared, she felt hot in 'em
Mrs O'Rourke's Hen House	The landlady got in a mood The first time she saw a man nude "I'm glad I'm the sex "That's concave, not convex "For I don't fancy things that protrude"
The Old Boat	Our barmaid who comes from Ardglass Has the most magnificent ass Not round and pink As you'd probably think But grey, with long ears, and eats grass
Mad Yorick's	On the chest of our barmaid called Gail Are tattoed the prices of ale And on her behind For the sake of the blind Is the same information in braille
The Little Lark	An old regular of one hundred and seven Died and went straight up to heaven But he cried "This is Hades "There are no naughty ladies "And the pubs are all shut by eleven"
Decartes Vineyard	Our barman, Monsieur Le Fred While serving in Decartes once said "It iz perfectly clear "I am not really here "For I have not a thought in my head"
Little Upton Muggery	An American girl named Anne Hoiser Declared that no man could surprise her But our barman, young Gibbons Untied her blue ribbons And now she is sadder Budweiser
Little Sauce Factory	Our Student Barman called Jones Would reduce many maidens to moans By his wonderful knowledge Acquired at his college Of nineteen erogenous zones
Trotter Hall	A lady customer who was new Found donkeys balls in her Irish stew Said the landlord "Don't shout "Or wave them about "Or the others will all want them too!"
Little Pack Horse	Old Duncan, who's known as Dunk, Inquired of his wife "Am I drunk ?" She replied with regret "I'm afraid so, my pet" And he answered "It's just as I thunk"
Little Tumbling Sailor	Our landlady got rather merry Spilt a glass of Babycham Perry It made quite a mess Down the front of her dress We had fun as we looked for the cherry

The End Result

Set of mugs, and Statue of Limerick

If you are still standing, return to the Little Pub Company