"Mom got stoned and Dad got drunk
At our Christmas party
We were drinkin' that hurricane punch
And calling everyone else Sled Dog . . ."
- Robert Earl Cloudbuster

Contents

1)  Santa's Own Christmas Present
2)  Beeping Box
3)  Oh Little Town
4)  Wheelzolph
5)  The Twelve Days of a Comp Organizer
6)  Ya Better Watch Out
7)  Come All Ye Hopefuls

1. Santa's Own Christmas Present

tune: "Jingle Bells"

They preflight once a year
At the North Pole FBO;
Little guys with pointy ears
Are dashing to and fro;
Santa's in the snow
Underneath his sleigh;
The jolly elf's beside himself;
Just listen to him say...

Oh, Blitzen kicked the compass out,
And we don't have a spare;
My E6B, my sectionals--
Can't find them anywhere; I
Ain't seen Rudolph, dang his hide,
Since can't remember when;
And there's compacted reindeer poop
In the pitot tube again!

But his flight plan has been filed;
He knows it's time to go;
He reaches in his bag,
And rotates from the snow;
He clutches in his hand
The one important thing;
The wise old elf's himself again;
Just listen to him sing...

Oh, Blitzen kicked the compass out,
And all my charts are gone;
There's reindeer poop in the pitot tube
But Santa's show goes on--hey!
I don't know where Texas is
But I won't have to guess,
`Cause I'm gonna punch it in
On my brand new GPS!

Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way;
What fun it is to navigate
The easy, high-tech way;--hey!
Sippin' on my slivovitz
To keep the chill at bay,
Doin' loops and lomcevaks
In an eight-deer open sleigh!

(words by Barb MacLeod)

2. Beeping Box

Beeping box, beeping box, beeping all the day,
Oh, what fun it is to climb
While your pals just sink away, hey!
Beeping box, beeping box, heading o'er the back,
Oh, what fun to be down-range
Till the box begins to quack.

(by Mike Vorhis)

3. Oh Little Town

Oh little town of Telluride,
How still we see thee lie,
Above thy 'nebriated sleep
Some gnarly clouds go by.

When morning west wind riseth
To blow right up the ramp,
The loops and stats of aerobats
Will bring to thee a champ.

(by Mike Vorhis)

4. Wheelzolph

Wheelzolph the once-white blade wing
Had a greenish smear or three,
And if you ever was him,
You'd be thinking Sensor C.
All of the other blade wings
Used to beat him to the ground;
There they would start a bet pool
On where the crater would be found.

Then one fine spot landing comp,
Wheelzolph's pilot said,
"With your love for dirt and grass,
In the circle drop my ass."
That's how the Meat Head found them:
Well-inserted orange cone.
Wheelzolph the green-nosed blade wing,
Whack tape scouts are on the phone.

(by Mike Vorhis)

5. The 12 Days of a Comp Organizer

On the twelfth day of fly-in the pilots gave to me:
Twelve drivers missing
Eleven tubes a'bending
Ten noses whacking
Nine launchers mushing
Eight lowly scratching
Seven devils dusting
Six bellies flopping
Five foldin' wings
Four collapsing bags
Three drenched Ducks
Two turtled Dreams
And a Hang II in a bare tree

(by Mike Vorhis)

6. Ya Better Watch Out

Ya better watch out, ya better not fly,
Ya better stay offa the ridge line or die:
Lift Band Hog is coming to town.

He's making his turns, he ain't checking squat,
He's gonna find out who's watching or not,
Lift Band Hog is coming to town.

He knows when you hear beeping,
He's there to take your place,
He can't control his PIO's, 
So do not get in his face!

Ya better give way, don't otherwise think,
Unless you can fake him out into sink,
Lift Band Hog is coming to town!

(by Mike Vorhis)

7. Come All Ye Hopefuls (or, If You Circle, They Will Come)

Oh come all ye hopefuls, desp'rates and high sink rates,
Oh come ye, oh come ye, to this lift I found;
Out here a low save,
Born of flat-land heating;
Oh come let us fly circles,
Oh come let us fly circles,
Oh come let us fly circles,
Har, har, it's sink!

(by Mike Vorhis)

• Back to Cloudbuster's Home Page

*******