What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
Golfer:  WHACK . . . "Aw, SHIT!"
Skydiver:  "Aw, SHIT!" . . . WHACK

Banned from the Zone

to the tune of "Bad to the Bone" by George Thorogood

On the day I first jumped
my JM came up to me
said "Why'd you give me the finger
as we were going through 3?"
I said "My AAD worked
Now you leave me alone"
I think my JM knew
I'd be banned from the zone
banned from the zone
b-b-b-b-banned
b-b-b-b-banned
b-b-b-b-banned
banned from the zone

I pull at a thousand feet
and then I do CRW
Dive down to your four-way
then I dump under you
My reserve's out of date
so I packed it at home
and if they ever find out
I'll be banned from the zone
banned from the zone

Well I pack in the plane
on the way to altitude
They ask me to spot
I make sure that they're screwed
Well, I was doin rotation
now I'm jumping alone
I think they're trying to tell me
That I'm banned from the zone
banned from the zone

My teammates all suck
but that don't bother me
Every point that I turn
becomes two or three
They're quotin regulations
but I'm makin' my own
Why are they tryin' to tell me
That I'm banned from the zone
banned from the zone

First Jump

words and music (c) by Barb MacLeod

I've signed and suited up,
And I have set my doubts aside, and now
I'm rolling down the runway
On that one-way ticket ride;
The quilted fields and scattered clouds
Lie at my feet once more,
But I'm up here to do something
I have never done before.

Feel the closeness of companions--
Some are masters, some beginners;
Through the steady thrum of engines,
Hooking up and snugging in;
Feel the tandem harness tugging
At the thread of incredulity
That's woven with my longing
For the leap ahead of me.

Feel my fingers grip the doorframe;
Feel the wind against my face;
Beyond my toes, the emptiness--
Ten thousand feet of space;
Feel the twinge of hesitation;
Feel the tiny bite of fear;
Now my arms are in position--
Ready, set, we're outa here!

It stuns me like a thunderbolt
And shakes my spirit free;
The chaos of the tumble
Cuts to crystal clarity;
All traces of my fear are swallowed
In the roaring wind;
A chorus in my heart is shouting
`Yes' and `yes' again!

The gentle hands behind me
Now are teaching me to fly;
They lead me in a dance step
As we plummet through the sky;
They're flashing me the altitude;
They brace me for the pop, and as I
Stretch and swing, a rainbow wing
Has stilled the roaring drop.

Overhead, the sweetest singing
As we dance along the windline,
Banking, spinning, laughing, grinning,
Looking good and feeling fine;
Whisper down in bright formation,
Two by two we're reunited
In the pure exhilaration
Of a wild and magic flight.

I loved the climb to altitude--
It happened only yesterday;
I loved the chance to conquer fear;
I loved the plunge, the play;
I loved the rushing wind; I loved
The fields and clouds in front of me;
I loved my sweet astonishment
When I was falling free;

Oh, yes, I loved the leap, the roll, the roar,
The popping of the canopy;
I loved my sweet astonishment
When I was falling free!

Reveries of a Parachutist

poetry by E. Rowan S. Trimble

Ah, yes! I have done many thousands of things, 
While swinging under my shroud lines and strings; 
The peace and quiet and whisper of the free air 
Are not found any place else like up there; 
I've even mocked at Death and cursed at Hell, 
As through the sky and past the Earth I fell; 
I've kicked and turned, and laughed and shouted out, 
And chased the devil himself in a rout! 
Even da Vinci with his old "tent roof" 
Would have envied my being so aloof! 
Lenormand, the first, didn't jump in vain, 
But Garnerim, too, would have felt fain 
Had he ever watched my every glee, 
As the kids and crowds watched and thrilled at me. 
My 'chute and I have been very good pals- 
Something like moms and dads, or guys and gals. 
I can tell that you'd just never believe 
How truly great it is to fall and weave 
Through the space, under a 'chute on the sky, 
Enjoying life and being up so high; 
You see, hanging there I am "NOW" and sound, 
For all the troubles are here on the ground; 
I'm rough about some of the things I do, 
But that's the price of escape, and freedom, too... 
What I see on such short trips is great art- 
Spread below are sights which capture the heart... 
Ah, yes! I have done many thousands of things, 
While swinging under my shroud lines and strings; 
The peace and quiet and whisper of the free air 
Are not found any place else like up there. 

Where I Must Go

adapted by Jon Guignard
from the song "Baby The Rain Must Fall"

Some men must climb mountains
Others must sail the sea
Some must fly above in the sky
They are what they must be.

Chorus:
Baby the rain must fall
Baby the wind must blow
Wherever my heart leads me
Baby, that's where I must go.

Now I'm not rich or famous
But who can ever tell
Who knows where I'm headed
Maybe heaven, maybe hell.

Chorus

Some men must climb mountains
Others must sail the sea
Some fly like birds way up in the sky
They are what they must be.

Chorus

Now I'm not rich or famous
But who can ever tell
Maybe I'll make the US team
Or maybe I'll go to hell.

New Chorus:
Baby the rain must fall
Baby the wind must blow
Wherever weather is jumpable
Baby that's where I must go.

G Suits and Parachutes

to the tune of "Bell Bottom Trousers"

Once there was a barmaid down in Brewery Lane
Her master was so kind to her, her mistress was the same
Along came a pilot, handsome as he could be
He was the cause of all her misery!

CHORUS:
Singing "G" Suits and parachutes
And uniforms of blue
He'll fly a fighter
Like his daddy used to do!

Now in the morning before the break of day
A five-pound note he handed her, and this to her did say:
"Take this my darling, for all the harm I've done
For you may have a daughter, and you may have a son
If you have a daughter, put ribbons in her hair
And if you have a son, get the bastard in the air!"

Now the moral of my story as you can plainly see
Is never trust a pilot an inch above your knee
The barmaid trusted one and he went off to fly
Leaving her a daughter to help the time go by!

FINAL CHORUS:
Singing "G" Suits and parachutes
And uniforms of blue
She'll never fly a fighter
Like her daddy used to do!

Free Fall

Words and music (c) by Hawkwind

Before you jump you wear the frown
of someone who is stalling
There's no up there's only down
The other fear of falling

All you need to do is take
One step into the sky
Give yourself to gravity
Give death another try
In free fall, free fall

The wind'll take your frightened face
And force your mouth to smile
While destiny is on your case
The gods look up your file


The clouds are coming at you
Like a host of angels wings
For thirty seconds of freedom squared
You've cut the puppet strings
In free fall, free fall

(Thanks to Gary Jackson for sending in the lyrics)

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