Many crossdressers alternate between periods of resisting and indulging their urge to crossdress. Some observe that when they resist the urge gets stronger; this suggests that some form of compromise, where the urge is given limited expression, may make for a stabler, happier life.

A crossdresser I know has achieved such a compromise. She is a very skilled "illusionist" and her pictures have appeared in prominent transgender magazines. Her image is completely female--anyone looking at the pictures who did not know otherwise would assume she is a professional female model.

I was therefore surprised to read in one of her interviews that she only dresses two or three times a year! Some time after reading that, I met her at a convention and asked her about it. She explained that she did, in fact, dress rarely. But she spent much time preparing for her shoots--selecting outfits, accessories, locations, picture "themes" and so on.

She has found a very practical way to deal with her crossdressing interests. Instead of going out every other night "en femme," buying a new outfit every week, wasting time on the internet, etc., she works conscientiously to prepare each shoot. The time she spends preparing served to satisfy her crossdressing urges. I do not believe I have ever met a crossdresser who appears to have a more sensible, practical, balanced, but nonetheless very enjoyable approach to crossdressing.

Her example illustrates something that psychotherapists call "sublimation." The concept of sublimation originated with Sigmund Freud. Freud is often portrayed badly in American universities. That is unfortunate, because he was a great thinker. Like most great thinkers, his ideas met with irrational resistance, and it a tribute to his genius and originality that this continues to this day.

However, Freud's theories should be, in a sense, reassuring to the crossdresser. In Freud's view, every human being must manage a juggling act--the attempt to reconcile parts of human nature that are almost impossible to reconcile. On the one hand, we have an "Id"--our animal appetites, lusts, and drives for pleasure. And on the other, is our "Superego"--our sense of right and wrong, principle, ethics. It is a struggle to balance the two, which perpetually conflict.

It is the task of the Ego--our rational mind and reasoning power--to do this. More than anything else, it is a matter of becoming aware of the demands of the Id and the Superego, which often operate below conscious awareness. For example, we may have anger (from the Id) but might now know why; or we may have guilt (from the Superego) but not know what about.

But by several means--including introspection, education, philosophy, and psychotherapy (and I place psychotherapy last on purpose, because I believe the other three are more important)--we can become conscious of what is going on in our Ids and Superegos. And that is what we want, because if we are conscious of our drives, inhibitions, and conflicts, then we can apply the tremendous power our rational mind to deal with them. That is the meaning of Freud's great saying, which in one sentence conveyed the main idea behind his volumes of writing: "Where there was Id, let there be Ego."

Now I said this is reassuring for crossdressers, and here is why. Does not the above describe fairly well the plight of the crossdresser? We like Freud's everyman, try to manage totally conflicting desires. We wish to dress like women, present ourselves like women, perhaps even be women. But we also feel that this is not possible or desirable because of other responsibilities or conflicting interests. This is almost a classic example of the tension between the Id and the Superego.

So as crossdressers we play out a script that, in one form or another, each person who has ever lived has also played out. Our own dilemma emphasizes our kinship with other people, crossdressers or not. Even if they do not recognize this--and few do--at least we can. Every person on earth experiences the same type of conflict we experience--the precise nature or the urges and their internal opposition differs, but fundamentally we are all in the same boat.

I invite you to consider this because of the common tendency of crossdressers to feel sorry for themselves. It is very easy to say, "What a lousy deal I have! Why did God do this to me? I did not ask for this." When the truth of the matter is that our dilemma as a crossdresser is probably no more or less difficult than that most other people face. (And perhaps we even have an advantage in that our conflict is so clear.)

This relates to a main theme of these essays. You must understand that, as imperfect as your condition and as impossible as your life may seem, your situation is fundamentally normal. It is an essential part of the human condition to try deal with apparently irreconcilable desires. It is sometimes painful, frustrating, and excruciatingly difficult. But it is normal.

The human being is an imperfectly designed organism. Evolution and genetics necessitate that each person is an experiment--destined to succeed in some ways, and not in others; to have some desires that can be achieved easily, some that can be achieved not so easily, and some that perhaps cannot be achieved at all. We cannot change that. But we can choose whether we let this defeat us, or whether we meet it with a courage and dignity.

Or better still, we can choose to make it work to our advantage. In our case, our inner conflict is so obvious--a desire to be a woman, coexisting with the desire to be a man--that we are forced to confront it more directly than most people confront their inner conflicts.

Accept the conflict! It is a normal part of life. You have a desire to be a woman or to dress like one. Fine. You also have a desire to remain a man. Fine. You have contradicting desires--it is that simple. But why should this worry or upset you. Does the fact of contradictory desires cause you any difficulty or problems as this moment? Probably not. No, it is only when one worries about the future-- when one spins fancies about what may or may not happen in life because of crossdressing that the contradictory impulses seem to cause anxiety. It is not the impulses that causes the anxiety, but our expectation that our life should be without such contradictions.

I do not mean to ignore the problem entirely, only to keep it in perspective. Our conflict should not be cause for undue anxiety. Still, we are naturally motivated to manage our conflicting desires. One cannot, after all, sail in two directions at once. In Freudian theory, there are two broad strategies for handling the conflict posed by "unacceptable" urges. One we have already alluded to--that of becoming a fully conscious of urges and inhibitions, and dealing them rationally. The second strategy is what Freud called "sublimation."

Sublimation is compromise. To sublimate means to express a modified version of an impulse that is close enough to the original impulse that the Id is satisfied, but different enough that the Superego is also satisfied.

Consider a simple example. If someone has made you angry, it is not acceptable to hit them--though that may be precisely what your Id wants. Instead you might take out your aggression on something else--say, a punching bag. The idea is that the original urge (to hit) is acted on in a modified and more acceptable way. The modified expression of the impulse is sufficient to turn off the urge--in this case, the urge to aggress.

I see the principle of sublimation operating in the case of the crossdresser mentioned above. All the planning that went into her pictures served to sublimate her desire to crossdress or be a woman. It was a compromise, but an effective one. As long as she was planning and working on her project, the urge was satisfied. But she was also acting in a prudent, practical way. Even, one might argue, in a commendable way: for her, crossdressing was not an obsession or something that separated her from the rest of humanity. It was merely a hobby. I would think that people around might sense that her approach was balanced and healthy, and be more accepting of her crossdressing than is usually true.

That is an important aspect of sublimation. Sublimation is potentially more than just a disguised or modified urge. Ideally the urge is modified in a way that also makes it productive. So in this example, the crossdresser turned her urge into a hobby that was fun for her; and the pictures she made might could easily be considered a form of art. Indeed, Freud believed sublimation could transform unacceptable impulses into great accomplishments in Art, Science, or life in general. Many impulses of the Id--especially those associated with sexuality-- carry a great deal of energy. That energy can be harnessed for much good, if handled intelligently.

I think there is a lesson here for all of us. The exact form of a practical compromise may differ considerably from person to person, just as the precise nature of transgender impulses varies. But the same principles apply when it comes to dealing with them. Perhaps it will be a struggle to find the right solution in your life. It may take years, or even a lifetime. But if there is a solution it is more likely to occur by the application of intelligence, creativity, patience, and optimism. And in the meantime, don't sweat it. Anxiety is the great enemy of clear thought, so don't be anxious.