Their writings have more in common than you might think. Both men were strongly influenced by the philosophical movement, Stoicism, which began in ancient Greece and continued through Roman times. The relevance to crossdressing is that both men grappled with the subject of passions and desires, and their proper place.

Crossdressing is a desire of the flesh--there is no disagreement about that. The desire wells up as if from our bones. We crave deeply and in a way different from any other craving. It is like a hunger.

Denying the desire seems a poor strategy. How can you deny what you truly feel? Even if one stops dressing, the desire is still there. Resistance seems to strengthen the desire.

Further, psychologists tell us that repression is bad. Repression takes energy from other mental and physical activities. It reduces spontaneity and contributes to depression and anxiety.

It might seem we have just two options: (1) to resist the desires (leading to the problems above); or (2) to indulge them fully, following wherever they lead. You probably know people who exemplify both extremes: repressed, miserable, closet crossdressers one the one hand, and, on the other, people who are completely obsessed with crossdressing.

While not specifically mentioning crossdressing (although he was aware of it) Marcus Aurelius offered sound advice concerning such desires:

Aurelius is saying several things here:

• He distinguishes between the part of us that "leads and governs"--our higher self--from our bodily cravings.
• He acknowledges that desires will occur and says not to "strive" to resist them.
• What is important is that we remain identified with our higher selves. We should not mistake our desires for who we are. And we should not make inferences from our desire (e.g., "I enjoy dressing like a woman--therefore I really am a woman.")

Now consider the following similar advice of St. Paul.

When you think about it, we spend more time making plans for crossdressing than actually crossdressing. We begin to orient our lives around it. What starts as a desire turns quickly into a habit--something we may even without much enjoyment--and from a habit to an identity.

It is this aspect, Paul seems to suggest, that is the real problem.

It is noteworthy that Paul does not say "Suppress and resist the desires with all your might!" As a human being, he doubtless experienced lusts, and understood how that strategy doesn't work. Instead he says not to make provision for them.

Marcus Aurelius and St. Paul seem to be saying basically the same thing here. They do not say to artificially suppress desires. They are far more concerned that we do not make them central in our lives.

We can't walk down two roads at the same time. You have a more important road to walk--the journey of spiritual development. When we die, this body and its desires will be history. But other things will endure. Focus on those other, higher things.

Let the lusts come if they will. But don't go looking for them. If they well up, sometimes maybe the simplest response is to indulge or "gratify" (as psychologists say) them in a reasonable and responsible way.

I believe you can do this and still remain true to your spiritual journey. If you gratify the urge with the conscious purpose of making it go away and stop bothering you, then you are in effect subordinating the desire to your higher aims.