Existentialism focuses on a life fully here and now. It means to abandon illusions, to face the challenges and potentials of existence, and to embrace one's personal responsibility.

Existentialism can lead to opposite conclusions about crossdressing. Some conclude a man's switching to female gender is superbly authentic. But existentialist principles can also question taking transgenderism too far.

Exploring these principles illumine the basic contradictions and dilemmas of crossdressing.
 

Freedom

The main thing a person must do is be authentic--"to thine own self be true." The desire to change gender can be very deep. But is it an "authentic" desire?

Here is where the developmental theories of crossdressing are important. The idea of parental influence on crossdressing is out of vogue. It makes many people uncomfortable. But that should not dissuade us from considering it. What if parents influence the personality development of a child in a way that leads to crossdressing--is crossdressing then an authentic choice? The crossdresser may indeedfeel the desire to be female, and choose to act on that urge. However, he did not choose to have the urge. The urge, the interest, the fantasy of being a woman--this may be a consequence of others.

If these influences did occur, the crossdresser would want to understand them. Only then could he make a free and authentic choice.
 

Self-determination

At my first crossdresser support meeting, I was very nervous. One kind person struck up a conversation to set me at ease. When she asked my orientation (crossdresser, transgendered, transsexual, etc.) I replied I wasn't sure. I said that, though I enjoyed wearing female clothes, part of me resisted; and that, if there were a magic pill that would make me lose interest in crossdressing, I would happily take it.

"Honey," she replied, "there isn't a person here who wouldn't say the same thing."

Her answer made an impression. It made me think: if that is so, why must there be a pill? If someone would truly rather be free of crossdressing, can't they simply choose that?

Existentialism affirms a person's ability to choose their destiny. If a man genuinely wanted to stop crossdressing, there are many things he might try. He might become very fit and develop a muscular physique. He might associate with people who appreciate and reinforce his masculinity. He might become a very spiritual or charitable person-- --one who gets beyond issues of maleness and femaleness. He might work harder on getting more fulfillment from his relationships with women.

For any given person, of course, any one thing might or might not work. But the point is that there are many things to try besides giving up.

If a man would be willing to take the "magic pill", doesn't that imply that his desire to be free from crossdressing is stronger or more basic than his urge to dress? And if so, ought he not try to act on that desire?

This view is far different from the "there is nothing you can do about the urge to crossdress, so you might as well give up and accept it" view. That attitude needs to be challenged. At the least, one should not accept it just because others say it. To do so is completely against exsistentialist principles of self-determination and the primacy of personal experience.
 

Responsibility

This is a great responsibility--one so overpowering, in fact, that it is the source of much fear.

That fear is the cause of many human problems. Most people seek to escape from this freedom and responsibility. At the individual level, it leads to things likes alchoholism and other escapes; at the social level level, it leads to fascism and other forms of government that remove individual freedom.

Crossdressing, especially if carried to extremes, can be such an escape from freedom. So too with the many secondary emotional problems associated with crossdressing--things like attitudes of victimization, powerlessness, despair, hostility, and nihilism that are common in the transgendered community. These negative feelings serve no constructive purpose. Their real purpose is to justify a retreat into a private reality and avoidance of the challenges of full participation in the world.

Even "purging" is an escape. Instead of escaping by crossdressing, the purger wishes to escape by focusing one's mind on resisting crossdressing. Both are equally bad to the extent that they avoid placing one's emphasis on the important things in life.

The existentialist philosopher Jean Paul Sartre, in his book, "Existentialism and Human Emotions" considered the ethical aspects of personal responsibility. If it is true that there are no external moral principles that govern us, then why not choose to do anything one pleases? Is not the bank robber or the criminal an existentially authentic person for following their inner urges completely?

Sartre argued that while we are free to choose our course, we are not free to violate our own moral nature. That is, such a choice is not an authentic one. A criminal behavior violates his or her own deepest beliefs of what is right or wrong. The criminal deludes themself into believing that they truly wish to rob the bank, despite it's disregard for others' welfare, and act on that delusion. But in truth their deeper, more morally aware selves no not wish to do this.

So even existentialists accept limits on personal freedom--self-imposed limits, but limits nonetheless. Any action--crossdressing included--inevitably has a moral component.

At the very least let us agree that crossdressing has a moral dimension, and that the crossdresser has a responsibility to consider this. A sincere consideration of these issues might lead one person to crossdress more and another to crossdress less, depending on their individual situation--but the important thing is that they think of things in a moral way.

Is it moral or not to crossdress? That is too broad a question to answer. And in any case, it is something for the person to decide themself. But logic alone makes clear this much: that the crossdresser must not evade the moral dimension to the issue. It is not enough to say, "if it feels good, do it" or "what I do is nobody else's business." Both statements are false, because they deny the reality that the crossdresser is a moral being, with a deep sense--even if that sense is not admitted--of compassion and responsibility towards others and one's self.
 

Meaning

I would not presume to judge the role of transgenderism in another person's life. For some, it may be the true path. But one thing is apparent: a transgendered lifestyle has the characteristics--at least superficially-- of an escape from freedom. The reason is that the process of changing sex and/or gender is so all consuming, that it defines the persons entire life for several years--and perhaps a lifetime.
 

Will

An before the will comes the wish. The wish is the basic desire to attain something. The will then seeks to make the wish a reality.

This sequence--from wish, to will, to reality--is plainly evident in crossdressing. Many crossdressers describe a strong boyhood wish to become a female. Many--myself included--prayed regularly for this. With the wish came will--and the will eventually overcame obstacles like the fear or disapproval, or religous guilt--to make the wish reality.

Thus, after years of harboring this wish, the adult crossdresser takes the step of wearing female clothes, perhaps arranging to be "transformed" entirely by a professional studio, and maybe even experimenting with female hormones.

Yet, as the "magic pill" example indicates, there is another wish as well. There is a simultaneous wish to be normal, free from the desire to crossdress.

We have a situation of conflicting and competing wishes.

Of these two wishes--the wish to be female and the wish to be free crossdressing, they must have one of the following relationships:

1. either one wish of these is more fundamental, more deeply authentic than the other;

2. both wishes are of more or less equal importance; or

3. the wishes are is inherently incomparable, as with trying to compare apples and oranges.

Should the wish to be "normal" be more basic, more closer to our true self than the with to crossdress, then we should allow that this wish can be actualized. Unless there is a strict biological determination of crossdressing (as opposed to, say, a predisposition which requires certain socio-environmental factors to come into play)--then the crossdresser is free to shape his destiny. He has the capacity to choose a reality in which he either does not crossdress, or does so in a way that is harmonious to his deeper goals in life as a male.

How he achieves this reality is up to him. But, given the infinite creative resources available to a person fully focused on his true being, quite likely he can come up with some kind of solution.

If the urge to be female is truly more authentic, then Existentialism would support the choice to change gender and/or sex.

If (2) or (3) is the case, then perhaps some form of compromise is appropriate.
 

Identity

But I believe many crossdressers are confused by transitory urges to become female. We must recognized the possibility--even the inevitably--of self-delusion. Having an urge, even a very strong, compelling one, is by no means evidence that the urge is authentic, or what we truly want.

Indeed, urges and desires might be very poor grounds for making important life decisions, because they are so influenced to unconscious motives.
 

Absurdity

It is no fault of a crossdresser that they cannot answer that question. Perhaps it is unanswerable.

In this case, we can apply one final lesson from Existentialst thought: one cannot always choose one's circumstances, but one can always choose one's response. Our choice of response is our primary responsibility.

That is how it is with crossdressing. Our situation is "absurd." We do not know whether to crossdress, and, if so, how much. We did not choose to be in this situation. But we can--and must--choose how to respond to it. To respond with dismay, hopelessness and anger--that is a choice. We can as easily, and with far more benefit, choose to respond with patience, a sense of humor, hope, and a determination to understand ourselves and true desires.

That is how we should view our crossressing. Our responsibility is not to have immediate insight into our situation. It is to journey heroically on the path of self-discovery.

We must courageously confront our self-delusions, errors, and fears. Self-knowledge is not easy. It takes determined, hard work. But it is our absolute responsibility.
 

Conclusions

• Each person is free.

• Our existence and our choices in this existence are vitally important.

• Each person has the ultimate responsibility for their life.

• Our minds constantly seek to escape the profundity of our existence, the necessity of self-determination, and our personal resonsibility. We must be ever mindful of the tendency to self-delusion.

• For some, a change of gender may be the authentic choice; for others, it may be a form of escape.

• Self knowledge is vital. Our choices should not be made out of ignorance, fear or unmitigated selfishness.

• While our situation is "absurd", we can choose whether we respond to the absuridity in a positive or a negative way.