Aren't there really only two basic kinds of fishermen? Sport fishermen and 
those who catch fish. 

Why is it that in the movies, it is always possible to park directly outside 
the building you are visiting?

In movies, whenever there's a car chase, why is the car always an 
extremely expensive one?  And why does it always crash?

OK, who's the jokester who planted all those dandelions in my garden 
this year?

Why is it that in the movies, when paying for a taxi, it is possible to grab 
any note at random and it will be the exact fare?

Don't you think that the ventilation system of any building is the perfect 
hiding place? After all, in the movies, no one ever looks in there and you can travel to any part of the building without any difficulties, right?

Why is it that in the movies, a single match will be sufficient to light up a 
room the size of Wembley stadium?

Why is it that in the movies, the Eiffel Tower can be seen from any 
window in Paris?

Did you know that in the movies it doesn't matter if you are heavily 
outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts? Won't your enemies just wait patiently to attack you one by  one by dancing around in a
threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors?

Why is it that in the movies, any lock can be picked by a credit card or a 
paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child inside?

Why is it that in movies, they want us to believe that foreigners prefer to 
speak english to each other when they are alone?

How come in the movies, a man will show no pain while taking the most 
ferocious beating, but will wince in pain when a woman tries to clean his wounds?

If we have freedom of speech in this country, then why do we have to 
pay phone bills?

Why is it, wherever Hercule Poirot goes, there is always a murder? Is he 
the grim reaper?

Is instant coffee so called as there is only one instant when it tastes like 
real coffee?

In the northern hemisphere the water always drains down the plug hole 
anti-clockwise. In the southern hemisphere it always drains clockwise. Is it imposible to empty a bath exactly on the equator? 

If half taught soldiers are paramillitaries and half trained solicitors 
paraleagles, then are half trained chutists parachutists? Or half trained medics paramedics? And after a parachutists parachute fails to
open, and he's been treated by paramedics after he's fallen to the 
ground, does he become a half trained plegic?

Do people called Geronimo shout 'ME!' when they parachute jump out of 
aeroplanes?

Now the Swiss are going to build a 70% size replica of the Titanic for the 
millenium, doesn't it make the

millenium dome sound like a good idea?

Could it be called art if Damien Hirst was split in two and floated in a tank 
of formaldahyde?

Why is it that when God wears a beard, he looks sophisticated, but when 
a man has a beard, he's a slob that doesn't care enough?

Now with all the mergers of the big banks, do you think that maybe now 
they'll open a second cashiers window?

Is it an unwritten law in the movies, that all grocery bags must contain at 
least one stick of French bread?

Why is it that the people who save their money for a rainy day always 
end up getting soaked by the government?

How do you get the germs off of your soap?

Why do we call it a 'sink' when it doesn't sink?

Why do people who wish to pass themselves off as foreigners, think that 
it's not necessary to speak the language and that a simple accent will do?

Do psychologists ever have psychological disorders?

If we call a person that works, a worker, shouldn't we call a person that 
cooks, a cooker instead of a cook?

Who's on the face of Mickey Mouse's watch?

Why do pilots need to be trained? After all, isn't it easy for anyone to land 
a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk them down? This must be right because it happens in all the movies, doesn't it?

What's it all about?

What do you call a person who hates bigots?

Do you think the US Government subtly instituted the tradition of painting 
Easter Eggs to cover up all of the UFOs they are hiding in Area 51?

Why do we say that grooms sometimes get cold feet on the wedding 
day? Do their feet actually get cold?

If we call Florida the 'Sunshine State', shouldn't we call Alaska, the 'Sun 
Don't-Shine State'?

When you go to an adult site on the Internet and they say it's a free trial, 
why do they still ask you for your credit card number? 

If a cat ate cheese, could it catch a mouse with baited breath?

If you call the paper to put an ad in, should you not tell them about it 
because it's classified?

Why does it seem that in cartoons, whenever the main character is an 
animal, it talks, but it has a smaller pet dog (even if it's an animal that's usually smaller than a dog) that can't talk at all?

Why do all aliens always have such big heads?

Why is it that the people who complain about Jerry Springer, seem to 
know so much about the show?

How do M&Ms know when they're in your mouth, so they can melt?

If you suffer from kleptomania, would you take something for it?

Does a Still count as indoor plumbing?

Wouldn't the sentence 'I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish 
and And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chip sign' have been clearer if quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and
and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips?

If someone who knows three languages is called tri-lingual and someone 
who knows two languages is bi-lingual, whould you call someone who only knows one language, an  American?

Is the reason yawning is contagious because you yawn to equalize the 
pressure on your eardrums, and the pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn
to even it out?

An apple a day may not keep the doctor away, but don't you think it sure 
makes the produce manager at the store happy?

Why is it that in our society, it is normal to be sick, yet sick to be 
abnormal?

Why do we always ask 'Is Life Worth Living'?  Why don't we ever ask 'Is 
Death Worth Dying'?

On which side of your skin does the universe begin?

If space is such a vast wasteland, why were we in such a hurry to get in 
it?

Ever wonder what's on the dark side of the sun?

Don't you think that with all their security, NASA would be able to keep 
all those rats, mice and crickets from getting aboard the space shuttle?

Why should we waste our time reliving the past? Shouldn't  we spend it 
worrying about the future?

Why is it that a new spark plug will last forever if you have spares, but 
only about a half-an-hour if you don't?

If there are two sides to every story, why do tabloids always give the 
benefit of the doubt to the Space Aliens?

Is the reason why Switzerland always remains neutral in wars, because 
they think their Army Knives would be useless against heavy artillery?

Why is it that the more specific a topic you attempt to search for on the 
Web, the more useless and irrelevent responses you will find? 

Did the idea of Disneyland never catch on in Japan, as nobody would be 
over the minimum height to ride the really good rides?

If Uri Geller genuinely has the powers that he says, then why does he not 
use them for some good, and not just bending spoons?

If Uri Geller rubbed his neck, would his head fall off?

If the England football team realy are depending on Uri Geller to Win the 
World Cup, should they save themselves some money on air fares and not bother to go?

Does the Eurovision song contest prove the fact that there are a lot of 
people out there that won't let a lack of talent stand in the way of thier singing careers?

If a promise worth nothing until it's forfilled?

Is it a bad sign if you spend the whole day wondering why there are no 
laws against what you do for a living?

If life hands you a lemon, should you break out the Tequila and salt?

If they cloned the Pope, would the pope and his clone both be infallible? 
What if they disagread about something?

If I have sex with my clone, will I go blind?

If Hare Krishnas start cloning themselves, how will the rest of us find out?

If you cloned Henry V, would he be Henry VI,Henry V Jr, or Henry V part 
II?

Is it possible to make a clone of Kate Moss and then attach the two 
together to make a regular-sized person? Sure, she'd have two heads, 
but that would still be way more normal than the way she looks now.

Would it work if I binged and my clone purged?

If at first you don't succeed, then should you give up the idea of a 
parachute jump?

If at first you don't succeed, should you destroy all evidence that you 
tried?

Is the quickest way of ending a war to lose it?

Is no problem so big and complicated that it can't be run away from?

If I had some ham,  could I have some ham and eggs? That is if I had 
some eggs. 

Is perspective also in the eye of the beholder?

Is exaggeration not all it's cracked up to be?

Is there such a thing as nonexistence?

Is exaggeration a million, billion, trillion, zillion times worse than 
understatement?

Hasn't the internet helped drunks communicate over long distances? 
Have you ever tried dialing a long distance number while pissed? Too many numbers...  

Should you beloeve hype, as expectancy will always ruin the reality?

Is the traditional hotel greeting 'Being ignored'?

Who decided that 2 grams of butter was an individual portion?

In Italy a toilet roll costs 300,000 lire. Wouldn't it be easier to wipe your 
arse with 100 lire bank notes?

Are people from Wank, Germmany called Wankers?

Are People from Phuket, Thailand called Fuckers?

Why do skiiers have to spend so much money on equiptmrnt just so they 
can stand around and get drunk?

When ask if they are alright, why do women always answer 'No', then act 
pissed off when they are believed?

When Women become attracted to someone because he is outgoing 
and loves parties, why, when they start dating him do they immediately expect him to stop this behavior?

Why is it, when a woman needs to sleep it's because of her daily amount 
of superhuman activites, yet when a man needs to seep it's because he's lazy?

If  you pay a woman attention why does she say you're smothering her, 
yet if  you give her space she says you're ignoring her?.

Why do women demand to be treated as an equal in everything - except 
when paying for meals, aeroplane tickets, concerts, beers, clothes, etc 
as these are required gifts proving a mans love?

Can men trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn’t die?

Should people stop throwing cigarette butts in the urinal, as it makes 
them soggy and hard to light?

How come the words "beat" and "sweat" don't rhyme even though they 
are so similar in spelling?

How can we call a certain era "The Middle Ages" when we have 
absolutely no idea how long time will last?

What happens if this is all just one big video game and God runs out of 
money?

If this is the computer age, how come shoe stores still have only that 
medieval looking device to measure my foot?

I get the Scarecrow and the Cowardly Lion, but what the hell is a Tin 
Man?

Doesn't Madeleine Allbright have a really nice name?

At the movies, ehy is it that during all police investigations it is necessary 
to visit a strip joint at least once?

At the movies, why do all beds have special L-shaped top sheets which 
reach up to armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her?

At the movies why is at least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil?

At the movies, how come most laptop computers are powerful enough to 
override the communications system of any invading alien society?

At the movies, when you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your 
bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish?

At the movies, how come all honest and hard working policemen are 
traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement?

What makes hair on different parts of your body, grow to different 
lengths? Why are eye brows shorter then your head hair?

Why do stores put ads in the paper that read 'Big Sale, Last Week'? 
Why do they bother to advertise?

Haven't we missed it already?

Why do they show us how detergents take out bloodstains on your 
T-shirt? If you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, do they really think laundry is your biggest problem?

Why is it that whenever you buy a suit with two pairs of trousers, it's the 
jacket that gets ruined first?

If all the teenagers who slept in class were laid end to end, do you think 
they'd be a lot more comfortable?

If mind expanding drugs are such a problem in schools these days, how 
come all the kids don't get better grades?

If Jerry Springer did a show about live television wrestling, do you 
suppose the brawling would be real?

Why is it that in the movies, when a guys girlfriend is about to die or be 
murdered, his car always either breaks down or gets stuck in traffic?

What if dracula had to go to the toilet in the middle of the afternoon?

If a glass case is filled with dirt and water, we call it an aquarium. If it's 
filled with dirt and air, we call it a terrarium. If dirt is common in both then
shouldn't a terrarium be called an airarium?

Isn't the only accurate thing that telephone psychics can tell you is how 
much they charge per minute?

How did they get the air inside of a tennis ball?

When you turn your TV off for a week, shouldn't the cable company 
subtract it from your bill?

Once they invent faster-than-light travel, will that mean that once you get 
to your destination, you'll have to wait in the dark for awhile?

When a storm dies down, why do we say it lets up?

Does the fact that the Klu Klux Klan mis-spelt the work Clan, indicate 
how smart they are?

Can people give up hypnotism by smoking?

When you dine out and all the waiters are wearing gloves, do you ever 
wonder what's in the food that they're afraid of?

When they say time flies, where does it fly to?

Did you know that in 1850, the first all-white Dalmation dog was spotted?

When someone travels in a straight line, why do we say they made a 
bee-line? Have you ever seen a bee fly from flower to flower? It's as far from a straight line as you can get, right?

If a snail has a shell and the shell is there to protect them, in evolutionary 
terms, why are there slugs with no shells? Why didn't they die out since 
they are unprotected?

If a fly lands on a television screen, does it think it's at a disco? You 
know, with all the changing colour dots?

The Pillsbury dough boy turns 30 this year. Do we give him a cake for his 
birthday? Isn't that cannibalism?

If evolution really works, how come Mothers only have two hands?

Why are mens and womens shoe sizes different for the same size foot?

Why, in Sci-Fi movies, do space ships all have the same orientation? You 
never see two ships meet in the vastness of space with one appearing 
upside down to the other, do you? How do they know which way is up?

Why is it that once you get a mouthful of too hot coffee, whatever you do 
next is going to be wrong?

If you broke into the police station and stole all the toilet seats, would the 
police have anything to go on?

Do you and your cohorts ever wonder what a 'hort' is?

Why don't people continue conversations when they enter the toilet?

Did you ever wonder that if everybody became somebody, there wouldn't 
be anybody left to be nobody?

If people who shun meat are vegetarians, are cannibals then considered 
to be humanitarians?

The Winter Olympics has the luge, so why can't the Summer Olympics 
have a huge waterslide race?

How come we don't feel the earth spin?

What is in the 'space' not occupied by the expanding universe?

Where was the man when he jumped off the bridge? He wasn't on the 
bridge because that was before he jumped and he wasn't in the air above the bridge because that was after he jumped. So where was he?

What happens when two black holes meet in space?

Why do phone companies give you numbers to call if your phone doesn't 
work?

Why is snow white yet ice is colourless?

Is it true that winter's not really over until you can't vacuum up any more 
Christmas tree needles from your carpet?

Why does 'stop smoking gum' taste worse than the cigarette itself? 
Wouldn't someone wanting to quit be

more inclined to do so if the gum tasted better?

Why is it that you have to pay more to the insurance company if your car 
is red? And do you still have to pay the extra amount if your Insurance 
Agent is colour blind?

Why do people say their homepages are under construction when I can 
see it on my monitor and there is no construction taking place on top of 
my monitor?

Do American Siamese twins periodically visit England so the other one
can have a go at driving?

Why haven't Siamese Twins been called Thai Twins since 1949?

If Siamese twins share the same internal organs, what happens if one 
becomes a teetotal Muslim, and the other likes to drink?

What would happen if two Siamese twins were joined at the mouth, and
one had bad breath?

Is it true that mail order Phillipino brides come in manila envelops?

Just what was it on the other side of the road that made the chicken 
want to cross it?

Do sick birds benefit from eating mouldy bread?

Do fish wash in the river basin?

If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain 
to?

Why is it we feel dumb when we don't know the answer, and totally 
stupid when we see it?

Sure, everyone is entitled to be stupid, but don't some people seem to 
abuse the privilege?

Why is it that you always find the information you were looking for in the 
section of the manual where

you least expect to find it?

Criminals in Metropolis and Gotham City must be pretty stupid, don't you 
think? Why else would you

start a crime wave in the cities where Superman and Batman live?

Should you make it a point never to loan money, because it causes 
amnesia?

If you have chicken at lunch and chicken again at dinner, do you ever 
wonder if the two chickens knew each other?

Why don't we have dessert at breakfast?

Should you tell a hypochondriac he looks terrible, just to make him feel 
better?

Why is the occupation called Animal Husbandry? Why not Animal 
Wifery?

When a spy goes to bed, would you call him an undercover agent?

If you are afraid there will not be enough misery to go around, would you 
be considered a pessimist?

What is the theory of relativity related to?

What would happen if we could jump as far as we can fall?

Why is it that 47 percent of all statistics are worthless?

Just what is it about going to the toilet, that makes your telephone ring?

Exactly what year did Jesus think it was?

Where does the Tire Tread go?

If a ruler is 12 inches, how tall is a king? 

If anything not nailed down is mine, could I classify anything I can pry 
loose as not nailed down?

When the authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, is there an 
important lesson to be learned? Is that - Do not have sex with the
authorities?

Is reality is a crutch for people who can't deal with drugs?

Is it always the best policy to speak the truth, unless of course you are an 
exceptionally good liar?

Is it easier to believe in God than to accept the blame ourselves?

Do we learn from history that we do not learn anything from history?

If you have to choose between two evils, should you always pick the 
one you've never tried before?

If time flies like an arrow, does fruit flies like a banana?

Is the word CYNICAL a word invented by optimists to describe realists?

Do old people love to give good advice because it compensates them 
for their inability to set a bad example?

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Should the length of a film be directly related to the endurance of the 
human bladder?

Should you beware of the man who works hard to learn something, 
learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before because he is full of
murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come
by their ignorance the hard way?

If you talk sense to a fool, why does he calls you foolish?

Is sanity is a sign of uncreativity?

If you obey all the rules, surely you miss all the fun?

If you really want to hurt your parents and you don't have nerve enough 
to be homosexual, is the least you can do to go into the arts?

If the facts do not conform to the theory, is it easier to just dispose of the 
facts?

Whenever anyone says, "theoretically", do they really mean, "not 
really."?

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, is it time to 
reform?

Do Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition?

If you have a handle on Life, what happens when it falls off?

Is man only a blunder of God, or God only a blunder of man?" 

Is every man guilty of all the good that he didn't do?

Is truth stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense to the 
author?

Does God operate a protection racket somewhat similar to the mob? 
(Worship me or burn forever in everlasting torment - but don't let me
influence you, you have free will so  you can pick which one you
want.)

Is it impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so 
ingenious?

Isn't it strange that whenever we watch TV and see those poor starving 
kids all over the world, we can't help but cry? I mean, would we all love
to be skinny like that?. (Obviously  not with all those flies and death and
stuff)

They say you only use ten percent of your brain. What about the other 
ten? 

Is life without danger a waste of oxygen?

Should you never run after buses or women, as you'll always get left 
behind?

If the truth is out there, does anyone know the URL?

Did God invent man because Eve's vibrator ran out of batteries?

Does life in a vacuum suck?

If to err is human, is to blame it on a computer even more human?

Why are dates on a calendar always closer than they appear?

What would happen if a suicidal identical twin killed it's twin by mistake?

Does he who laugh last think slowest?

Dies a conscience not prevent sin, but only prevents you from enjoying 
it?

Does A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing?

Is A pessimist is never disappointed?

If Crime doesn't pay, does that mean my job is a crime? 

If I save the whales, where do I keep them? 

If I save time, when do I get it back ? 

If at first you don't succeed, should you redefine success?

In the Church of the Holy Cabbage, do they say "Lettuce pray"?

Who is "they" anyway? 

Should you eat shit, as a million flies can't be wrong?

Did Captain Kirk ever say "Very funny Scotty, now beam down my 
clothes"?

When a man gets really horny, does even the crack of dawn looks 
good?

If love is the answer, while you are waiting for the answer, does sex raise 
some pretty good questions?

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Is Monogamy the same?

Is a committee a group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the 
unnecessary?

Life may have no meaning, but what would happen if it had a meaning of 
which we disapproved?

Is the art of flying to throw yourself at the ground and miss?

Will a bird in the hand probably shit on your wrist?

Is imagination just one weapon in the war against reality?

Is life something that happens when you can't get to sleep?

Does the optimist proclaim that we live in the best of all possible worlds; 
and the pessimist fears this is true?

Is he who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit?

Did man invent language to satisfy his deep need to complain?

If you ever dream you are eating a giant marshmallow, should you wake 
up as it is probably your pillow?

Is an intellectual snob someone who can listen to the William Tell 
Overture, and not think of The Lone Ranger."?

Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that 
happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have
told it to the same person?

Is a synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first 
thought of?

Is it always safer to sit at the back of an aeroplane, as a pilot has never 
accidently reversed into a mountain?

When you're watching crimewatch, and the people who have been the 
victims of crime say "You don't think this sort of thing will happen to you,
you always think it will be other people", why do I always think - You are
other people, you've just prooved yourself wrong?

If you buy a child a 16,000 watt lightbulb for Christams, would that really 
make his little face light up?

At a dyslexic rave, would everybody be taking F, and injecting heron?

How many bobs can you kill when you go bob-sleiging?

When you but HP sauce do you have to pay for it in equal installments 
over 6 months?

When people are stung by bees, does that just meen they've been 
charged £20 for a jar of honey?

If a comedian does a gig at an old peoples home, how does he know if 
he's any good? After all, they just piss themselves anyway.

At the begginning of 'World in Action', do you stare at that blokes 
bollocks?

Was Monday morning designed to sort the men from the boy's?

Would Arnold Swarzennegger be half the man he is today if he'd pumped 
tin and not iron?

Should men give up drinking to discover thier real personalities?

How can we live in a world where John Lennon was murdered, but Barry 
Manilow is still aloud to sing? 

Should anyone who goes to see a psychiatrist, have their head 
examined?

Why do we say 'redheaded' but 'brownhaired'?

If you go to the Missing Persons Bureau, would anybody be there?

Exactly what would your duties be if you worked at a duty-free shop?

Before we judge the younger generation, shouldn't we remember who 
brought them up?

Why do some people think motherhood is so easy? Don't you have to 
start it with a great deal of labour?

Why is it that human beings are the only creatures that allow their 
children to come back home?

Why is it that when dealing with a five-year-old, in no time at all you begin 
to sound like a five-year-old?

Is the joy of motherhood what a woman experiences when all the 
children are finally in bed?

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How 
intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?

If something is so complicated that you can't explain it in ten seconds, is 
it worth knowing?

Why is it that there's a big difference between good sound reasons and 
reasons that sound good?

Isn't it frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to 
ask you the questions?

In the old days, a comedian took a dirty joke and cleaned it up for radio. 
So how come today, he hears a clean joke and dirties it up for 
television?

If bills are rectangular, how come they keep rolling in?

Is the reason it's called cold cash, because it's never in your pockets 
long enough to get warm?

Yes it's true, two people can live as cheap as one, but doesn't it cost 
twice as much?

How is it that a two pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 
five pounds?

No matter how much strawberry you have in Neapolitan Ice Cream, why 
do you always get a creamy brown colour when it melts?

Why do we always put the milk back in the fridge when there is only a 
little bit left?

When you heat milk in the microwave, why is the milk on the bottom 
always so cold?

Why do they make shoppting trollwys with one wheel running cockeyed 
to the other three?

Isn't the problem with political jokes, the fact that they keep getting 
re-elected?

Why is it that politicians first get sworn in and then cursed out?

Did you know the word AEROBICS comes from two Greek words: 
AERO, meaning 'ability to', and BICS, meaning 'withstand tremendous
boredom'?

Isn't today he last day of your life - so far?

If breathing is automatic, how come the instant you think of your 
breathing, it stops, and you have to breath manually?

Don't we all experience moments absolutely free from worry? You know, 
those times when total panic sets in.

Why does every tree seem to have one stubborn leaf that won't let go?

Is there a difference between a law and a by-law?

How can 'crash course' and 'collision course' have two different 
meanings?

When someone is asked for their opinion and they say 'No Comment', 
isn't that a comment?

Why are swear words the first words a foreigner learns without an 
accent?

If the bouncer gets rowdy and needs to be evicted, who throws HIM 
out?

Did environmentalists change the word 'jungle' to 'rain forest', because 
they thought no one would give their money to save a jungle?

Is it true that there are only two times when a man doesn't understand a 
woman? Before marriage and after marriage.

Doesn't everybody only have two faults? Everything they say and 
everything they do.

Why do we need to explain our activities? Our friends don't require it and 
our enemies wouldn't believe us anyway, right?

When we ask people for advice, aren't we really looking for an 
accomplice?

Why is it that a woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, 
while a man never worries about the future, until he gets a wife?

Why is it that a man will pay two pounds for a one pound item he wants 
but a woman will pay one pound for a two pound item she doesn't want?

Do you think that Adam laid the blame on woman the first chance he 
got?

Why is it that a woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he 
doesn't, and a man marries a woman expecting that she won't change,
and she does?

Isn't it true that a woman always has the last word in any argument? 
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument, isn't
it?

Do women over fifty not have babies, because they would probably put 
them down somewhere and forget where they left them?

Isn't a word to the wise, unnecessary? It's the stupid ones who need the 
advice, isn't it?

Sure the early bird gets the worm, but isn't it the second mouse who gets 
the cheese?

Why do some people think it's fun to have nothing to do? Wouldn't it be 
a lot more fun to have lots to do and then not doing it?

Isn't the trouble with jogging, the fact that by the time you realize you're 
not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back?

Don't you think it's really bad news when your guiding light turns out to be 
a disco ball?

How do you distinguish TV channel waves from radio waves?

If time is of the essence, what is the essence of time?

If God had really intended man to fly, wouldn't he have made it easier to 
get to the airport?

What exactly is 'midair'? Is there some other part of air besides the 'mid' 
part?

Isn't the nice part of living in a small town, the fact that when you don't 
know what you're doing, you can always get someone else to tell you?

If you don't disagree with me, how will I know I'm right?

If you could travel back in time, shouldn't you take some library books 
with you and demand money for returning the books before they were
published?

We have mileage, yardage, and footage. So why don't we have 
inchage?

Why is it that the human brain starts working the moment you are born 
and never stops until you stand up to speak in public?

Why aren't there any Halloween carols?

Why does the Christmas season always come when the stores are at 
their busiest?

Economists predict the year ahead will reward hard workers. Is this good 
news or bad news?

Why is the road to success always under construction?

According to the latest statistics, there are two million people who aren’t 
working. But aren't there even more than that if you count those with jobs?

Isn't it amazing what you can accomplish with a little hard work and a lot 
of whining?

Is the reason people blame things on previous generations, the fact that 
there's only one other choice?

If you're horrified by what you read about the effects of smoking, should 
you give up reading?

If all the fun of golf is in hitting the ball, why do you have more fun the 
less times you hit it?

Usually the opposite of a correct statement is a false statement, but how 
come the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth? 

If your girlfriend went missing with your lottery ticket, which would you be 
most worried about?

Is the singer from 'Milli Vanilli' really dead, or is he just pretending again?

Is the only difference between Sumo wrestlers and Jo Brand  the fact 
that a Sumo wrestlers shave thier legs?

If you have a hunch, should you get a better tailor?

Is the only reason we watch Formula 1 racing, or attend air displays the 
fact that we might see a horrific crash?

If a cow were to eat a hamburger, would it then be a cannibal?

A mosquito only lives for one day, so if it skips breakfast, does that mean 
it had a bad childhood?

Why should we listen to our hearts when our hearts don't talk?

If you're 'Not going anywhere for a while', then how are you gonna 'Grab 
A Snickers'? Where do the people in these commercials get the Snickers
bars? Like the guy hanging  from the basketball hoop, where'd the bar
come from? It was half unwrapped when he pulled it out  too. Did he put
it in his gym shorts like that?

They say that intelligence is when you spot a flaw in your boss's 
reasoning, but isn't wisdom when you refrain from pointing it out?

In order to beat the 5 o'clock rush, should you leave work at noon?

Aren't we always told that the Customer is always right? So why don't 
School Teachers obey this rule?

Wouldn't the poor not lack anything if they weren't so numerous?

Why doesn't a cough get better by practising it?

Why is the only form of suicide sanctioned by society, when one works 
themselves to death?

On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message 'one slice'? How 
many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?

What's the point of trying to match up wall paper? Won't there always be 
at least one place where it doesn't match up?

Why is it that a politician will always be around when he needs you?

Is it true that when sufficient people have made the same mistake long 
enough, it becomes a rule?

If we hesitate, can we say we are meditating horizontally?

Why is it that too much celebrating keeps many a man from becoming 
celebrated?

Is there a reason people look to the left and then to the right down the 
same track when waiting at a train station? Do they expect to see two
trains heading towards each  other on the same track?

Why is it that the things most people like best are either unethical, illegal 
or fattening?

How can we know what we think before we hear what we say?

Has anyone ever been caught flogging a dead horse?

Why do people fall in love with tennis players, when they know that to 
them, love means nothing?

Does vacuuming count as Aerobic Exercize?

Why is it that when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights 
are out, they are invisible?

Why do they call it Microsoft Works? Were they dreaming?

Is a Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface?

Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, 
should we be thinking about getting more use out of the weapons we already have?

Why is the shortest route always marked "Road Closed?"

If a journey of a hundred miles starts with one step, does a journey of fifty 
miles start with a half step?

Is it better to be looked over than to be overlooked?

Why isn't 'Wednesday' pronounced like it's spelled?

If you played a blank tape at full blast, would it drive a mime mad?

Why is it that with the most advanced technology that can send 
information around the world in the twinkling of an eye, we use mostly 
for jokes and games? Doesn't this prove that laughter is the single
most important item in human life?

Why is it that at tax time, you have to hide what you've inherited in order 
to possess it?

If no cat has eight tails and a cat has one tail more than no cat, doesn't 
this mean that a cat has nine tails?

Do fish swim upside down when no one is looking? And if so, how would 
we know?

The local department store advertised that all underwear in the store will 
be 50 percent off. Won't that make it awfully uncomfortable for the sales people?

Why isn’t there a Salvation Navy?

If we can put a man on the moon, why can't we manufacture a pair of 
men's socks that stay up?

Are people getting more stupid or are we just noticing more as we age?

Why does Mickey Mouse wear shorts, and Donald Duck only wear a 
shirt?

For those who are super-sensitive and demand only happy endings, why 
don't they have a special showing of 'Titanic', running the film 
backwards?

Isn't it the LACK of money that is the root of all evil?

If Maxwell House coffee is good to the last drop, what's wrong with the 
last drop?

Why do bananas always curve to the left when held in the right hand?

Why is it that even though we are destroying millions of trees each year, 
the pollen count keeps rising?

Why is it that the givers of this world always get taken?

Why does the word 'cataract' mean both a waterfall and an eye defect? 
What do they have in common?

Why does the word 'sanction' mean both to permit and to prohibit? How 
are you suppose to know which it is?

If serial killers had serial numbers would they be easier to track down?

If scientific researchers can find tiny organisms, why can't they pick out 
clothes that match?

Is an Economist someone who is good with numbers but lacks the 
personality to be an Accountant?

When a barber gives another barber a haircur, who's in charge of the 
talking? And who gets the tip?

Researchers are very concerned about why women outlive men. If it was 
the other way around, would they even care?

If you give a man food, he can eat for a day, but if you give a man a job, 
won't he only be able to eat for 30 minutes on his break?

Why are there so many magazines about running when the only thing 
involved is the rapid placement of one foot ahead of the other?

Isn't it meaningless to speak of a 45 degree angle unless you specify 
Fahrenheit or Celcius?

If you scuffed your feet long enough on carpet without touching 
anything, would you build up so many electrons that your finger would explode?

How do we know Isosceles didn't invent the square and circle as well as
the triangle?

If everyone on Earth lost weight at the same time, would the Earth
change it's orbit?

Why are the most useless computer tasks, the most fun to do?

Why does the computer always work perfectly at the repair shop? 

If it's not on fire, is it a software problem? 

How can you save a screen from a screen-saver? 

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million keyboards
will eventually reproduce the works of Shakespeare. Hasn't the

Internet now proven that this is not true?

We always ask what's up? Why don't we ask what's down? 

Why is it that if you can tell the difference between good advice and bad
advice, you didn't need advice in the first place? 

Why is something always razor sharp, but never razor dull? Obviously 
these people haven't used razor's very much.

What if the Leaning Tower is straight and the world is leaning? 

How come pages in a book never become cat-eared? 

Should people who steal chances be allowed to play monopoly? 

Hasn't choice always been a privilege for those who can afford to pay for 
it?

Isn't what our country needs is more young people who will carry to their 
jobs the same enthusiasm for getting ahead that they display in traffic? 

Even if you fall on your face, aren't you still moving forward? 

It is good to have an end to journey towards, but isn't it always the 
journey that counts in the end? 

If two people agree all the time, isn't one of them unnecessary? 

What good is being punctual if nobody's there to appreciate it? 

If I go to heaven, and I meet my grandparents again, will grandad have 
lost the nose hair and the old-man smell?

If you lived every day as if it were your last, would you ever generate any 
laundry, because who wants to wash clothes on their last day
alive?

Is the only stupid question is the one that is never asked?

Is Deja Fu the feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in 
the head like this before?

Is a day without sunshine like night?

We are told that Photons have mass. Since when did they become 
catholic?

If you try to Save the whales, can you Collect the whole set?

There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. Is 
this a coincidence?

Is retail the art of making money by convincing others they need to buy 
what they don't want?

If education teaches us how things work, does experience teach us how 
things fail?

Is a woman only as deep as her husbands pockets?

Why are so many people against a third world war when the third world 
seems such a good place to have a war?

If they had a penis tax, would it be the only tax that men wuld willingly 
over-pay?

If beef on the bone is meant to be illigal, why havn't they arrested all 
those cows that are still wandering around the fields of England?

Can proverbs do as proverbs are?

Could we combat global warming simply by getting everybody in the world 
to blow?

If the seas are rising due to global warming, why don't we get all the 
people who live on the coast to drink sea water?

Who fillis in the taxman's tax return, does he pay tax, and if he does, isn't 
he just paying himself? 

If you're driving at the speed of light and get pulled over by the police 
what kind of fine are you going to pay? And believe me you are
going  to pay - He's not going to buy the line: "669,600,000 mph!! That's 
impossible, my car can't do more than 500,000,000 mph! "

When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever tempted to eat 
themselves?

If squirrels hide their nuts and dogs hide their bones, just what is it that 
cats hide? And should we be worried if we don't know?

If moths eat wool sweaters, why don't they eat sheep?

If we have a belly button and we can zip our lips, why can't we velcro 
our ears?

Why is it that all the fingers have a name (thumb, index, middle, ring, and 
pinky) but for toes, it's only big toe and little toe? What are the
other three called?

Why do toes and fingers have nails and not screws?

Does '2000 Flushes' really last that long?

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

Why is the opening on men's trousers called a fly?

What exactly comes after thrice?

How come Mickey Mouse is taller than his dog, Pluto?

Doesn't Fred Flintstone ever get tired of seeing the same movie at the 
beginning of every show?

Why is 'Baywatch' called 'Baywatch'? No one actually watches it to see 
the bay, do they?

When trying to calculate your adjusted gross income for tax purposes, 
why is it that no matter how you adjust it, it's still gross?

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred pounds and a 
substantial tax cut only save you thirty pence?

A buck is a dollar and dough is money. Why are deer called a buck and 
a doe? Does this mean we should call our loose change, fawns?

Do you think people should pay taxes on what they think their worth?

Why is it so hard to make your friends believe you earn as much as you 
do and the government to believe you make as little as you do?

If you're abducted by aliens for over 12 hours, shouldn't you be able to 
claim travel expenses on your taxes?

Do you think a fair tax structure is one that allows everybody to cheat 
evenly?

Wouldn't it be smarter to label 'top secret' documents something less 
conspicuous like 'trivial information' which would only bore you to
tears?

Can an alcoholic claim alcohol as a medical expense? After all, doesn't it 
cure tremors and shakes?

Is an empty beanbag chair still a chair, or just a giant beanbag?

Does the film in a camera weigh more after a picture is taken?

How does a mirror know that something is not already backwards?

When you look into a mirror, how do you know that you're not the 
reflection?

Why do the police have locks on their lockers in the locker room?

Why is it called 'head-over-heels in love' when head over heels is our 
normal position?

Is one member of a posse called a possi? If so, shouldn't more than one 
possi be called a possum?

If doctors are sometimes called 'Doc', why don't we call lawyers 'Law'? 

Do you think bankrupcy lawyers should expect to be paid?  And if so, by 
whom?

If law school is so hard to get through, how come there are so many 
lawyers?

How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty?

Does it take two half-salers to make a wholesaler?

Why is it that if you grab the remote control and flip channels, it's ok, but 
if someone else does it, it's annoying?

Why are tomboys always girls?

Can you ever get tired of sleeping?

Is God's name God, or is it just a title?

Why is it that even when I hit the CTRL key on my computer, I'm still not 
in control?

Why is it called 'after dark', when it's really after light?

What was clockwise called before clocks were invented?

Why is it that night falls but never breaks and day breaks but never falls?

If camels are called 'ships of the desert', why aren't tugboats called 
'camels of the sea'?

When two funeral processions meet at an intersection, how do they 
decide who has the right of way?

Why do they call warm water, luke warm? Did someone named Luke 
discover it?

What exactly is a heroic coward?

What happens if you break a mirror with a rabbit's foot?

Is a hotel just a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in 
business?

Why is it that we never see ghosts of lower life forms?

Why are the 'Save The Trees' signs made from wood?

How many times does a question have to be asked in order for it to 
qualify as a Frequently Asked Question?

Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as 
ghosts but as mattressess?

Have you noticed that Triumph is just umph added to try? 

If you ever have diarrhea, and you took Ex-Lax, would it cause your 
poop to go supersonic? And would this be worrying as this has not

been tested yet in humans?

If someone slipped into your room and exchanged everything for exact 
duplicates of the original, would you go mad?

Does a one-legged duck swim in circles?

Is the best reason to be scared of heights because they're so far off the 
ground?

What can you do with people who demand equal rights and special 
treatment?

Now beef on the bone has been made illegal, can my girlfriend be 
arrested for giving me a blow job? 

If you crossed Ben Elton with a stand up comedian, what would you get?

What happens when a frozen food company goes into liquidation?

Why do so may psychologists seem to have a PhD in the 
bloody-obvious?

How can they get all the calories out of one-calorie-drinks except that 
last one?

Is the best way to kick the habit to beat up a Nun?

Is the best way to get a one armed Irishman out of a tree to wave at him?

In bygone days redbrick universities would complain bitterly about the 
patronising way Oxbridge graduates would ridicule degrees form
other, newer universities. So why is it, now, that these same people are 
now the ones who whine about how all these new, jumped-up, ex-
polytechnics aren't proper universities at all?

How can people who watch soap operas say they are true to life? If that 
were true, why doesn't anybody ever pick their nose in a traffic
jam? Or complain that there's nothing decent on the telly? Talk about 
their piles? Discuss the days big news stories? And why is it when a
dozen soap characters gather in the same room, how come two of them 
never have the same Christian names?

Is the only way a member of the cast of a soap opera will ever land a 
leading role in a leading theatre production is if they are hired to usher
the audience to their seats?

If we really wanted to gaze at real life on TV, couldn't we replace our 
television sets with mirrors and save ourselves the licence fee?

If Rolls Royce are so good, why don't we see more people driving their 
cars?

Should you do unto others what you would have done to yourself, unless 
you are a masochist?

Were Speedy Gonzales' other relations also named after their most well 
known attributes? Was there a bloody slow Gonzales? Or a damn
good in bed Gonzales?

If Dick Darstadly actually competed fairly in Wacky Races, wouldn't he 
win it every time? He manages to get in front of every other racer
at least five times during every race so he can lay his traps that go so 
horribly wrong. If he just kept driving, surely he would win by a mile?

If you can't do it, should you criticise?

According to the law you cannot own a cat until you are 12 years old. 
Surely this cannot be true - can you ever own a cat? Doesn't he
always own you?

Why is it called New York? Didn't they name it Twice?

Is the main problem with marriage the fact that there's no way of finding 
out what it will be like until it is too late?

If we didn't judge books by their covers, would we ever read a book?

Do illegally parked frogs get toad away?

Isn't it true that wild beasts won't harm you if you carry a blazing torch 
(provided you carry it fast enough)?

Why do companies offer 'complimentary free gifts'?

When you go to a fancy restaurant where they give you a fork with three 
teeth, is it called a threek?

Didn't you know that an expert really doesn't know anymore than you 
do? Are they not just better organised?

Can't everything just be filed under miscellaneous?

Why is it that children become adults three years before their parents 
think they do and about two years after they think they do?

Why is it that no matter how many million pairs of socks one buys, one 
never seems to have enough?

Why is it that the books everybody admires are those nobody reads?

After eating a 4-cylinder Datsun, did Godzilla say 'Gosh, I could have had 
a V-8'?

Where does music come from?

Isn't it true that no opera plot is sensible? After all, in sensible situations, 
people do not sing, do they?

Is it my imagination or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

Do you ever wonder what disease 'cured' ham had?

Why do they put nutrition information labels on bottled water?

Why is there always a hair in your food and never in anyone else's?

Won't the Irish government always be wealthy since it's capital is always 
Dublin?

Is it considered middle age when man thinks that in a week or two he'll 
feel as good as ever?

How do we tell what brings happiness? Haven't poverty and wealth both 
failed?

Is our life just a test? If it were an actual life, wouldn't we have received 
further instructions as to what to do and where to go?

Aren't the years between 50 and 70 the hardest? This is when you are 
always asked to do things but you're not decrepit enough to turn them
down.

Why is it that the easiest way to find something lost around the house is 
to buy a replacement?

What is the opposite of dishevelled? Sheveled or heveled?

If you say something twice you are being redundant. So if you only say it 
once are you being dundant?

Why do people sit down during the day and sit up late at night?

Why do we always pick on Lawyers when it's really the Insurance people 
who are to blame?

Is it just the 99 percent of lawyers that give the rest a bad name?

Are meteorologists always nervous because their future is always up in 
the air?

Isn't it too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are 
busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair?

Why is it that when women go shopping for jeans, they pick out a pair 
that is two sizes too small for them?

Why do women have to try everything on when they shop?

Is it bad luck to be superstitious?

Why do people ask us if we are awake? Isn't 'yes' the only answer 
possible?

Why is it that we all waste part of our lives attempting to display qualities 
which we do not possess?

Why is it that everybody sets out to do something and everybody does 
something, but no one does what he sets out to do?

Does a sense of humour bestow an evolutionary advantage?

Is more information always better?

Is the only reason some people get lost in thought, because it's unfamiliar 
territory?

If all is not lost, where is it?

Isn't everybody somebody else's weirdo?

Why is there something rather than nothing?

Is the reason the game is called GOLF, because all the other four letter 
words were taken?

In the beginning there was nothing, and God said 'Let there be light'. 
What was it that he needed light to see? Wouldn't there still be
nothing?

Did you know that none of us should boast about the morality of our 
ancestors? After all, the records do not show that Adam and Eve were
married, do they?

If Murphy's Law were true, whenever you tried to take a breath, wouldn't 
all the air be on the other side of the room?

Which weighs more, a pound of wet sand or a pound of dry sand?

Isn't the Earth just like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier?

What if the purpose of intelligent life is to get all that carbon back into the 
ecosystem?

For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. 
Then the astronaughts found that the moon is really a big hard rock.

Isn't that what happens to cheese when you leave it out too long?

When you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment and nobody 
else shows up, do you think maybe that's part of the experiment?

Is the sticker that reads 'Intel Inside' on Pentium computers, a warning 
label?

If the military isn't spying on us, why do we keep getting the message that 
General Failure is reading our hard drive?

Intel named their CPUs 286, 386, then 486. Why did they suddenly 
change to Pentium? Is it because when they added 100 to 486 it came
to 585.9987231879 and that was too long to print on a chip?

Since half of what we know today will be obsolete in five years, wouldn't 
it be nice to know which half?

Is to KILL time, to MURDER opportunity?

Aren't rhetorical questions a waste of time?

Why do we consider outer space as being so far away? It's only an 
hour's drive away if your car could go straight upwards.

Why do people say they don't go anywhere? Don't we all take an annual 
trip around the sun?

If all the people who commute into London every day were stacked one 
on top of the other, the stack would be 1000 miles high.  Would
any of these people be able to distinguish this from their normal ride 
home?

The sun rises every morning, but since it never sets on the British Empire, 
doesn't the sky get awfully crowded?

Do you remember that picture of Atlas holding up the world? What's he 
standing on?

Why is the amount of sleep needed by the average person, always ten 
minutes more?

In America, they say that anyone can become president. Is that one of 
the risks you have to take?

Does it matter that everybody lies, since nobody listens anyway?

Why is it that whenever I try to get in touch with myself, I always get the 
answering machine?

Should we mail our packages early so the post office can lose them in 
time for next Christmas?

Have you noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don't have to 
do it?

Isn't it amazing how long it takes to finish something you're not working 
on?

Why is it that even a mosquito doesn't get a slap on the back until it 
starts work?

Is the reason that business conventions are important because they 
demonstrate how many people a company can operate without?

Would you consider smoking to be one of the leading causes of 
statistics? 

If one Siamese twin commits murder do they both have to go to prison? 
And in America, would they try to cram both of them into the
electric chair? And what happens to the innocent twin?