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Humour and Jokes Pages.
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Can a red-green colour-blind person ever truly experience Valentines Day and Saint Patricks day?
Is luck a losers excuse for a winners position?
Why is a Laundrymat called a Laundrymat and not a Laundry-washing and drying place outside your home that you have to pay for? And why is the Mat added anyway?
Is the hardness of the butter proportional to the softness of the bread?
If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why areyour waiting?
Why is the greatest pleasure in life doing something others tell you that you cannot?
When shops have a sign on the door 'Guide dogs only' who is supposed to read it? The dog?
Is the lottery a tax on people who are bad at maths?
Is gambling the only way of getting nothing for something?
Why is the phrase 'It's none of my business' always followed by 'but...'?
In hospital, why do they wake you up to give you a sleeping tablet?
Where can a man buy a cap for his knee?
If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, would the first woodpecker to come along destroy civilisation?
Why don't people on television ever go to the toilet?
If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button always stays the same?
Can you sit in the shade of the palm of your hand?
Why is the best way to get things done to do it yourself?
Are unripened oranges called greens?
If LSD was to be advertised on T.V., would the slogan be 'LSD melts in your mind, not in your hand'?
Can you beat the drum of your ear?
Is the only thing that makes God different from us the fact that when he does something cruel he doesn't need to explain himself?
Are the rings around Saturn made up of all the luggage that has been lost on the worlds airlines?
Is experience what you get when you don't get what you want?
When travelling at the speed of sound, can you still hear the radio?
Why do teenagers express their burning desires to be different by dressing exactly the same?
Even as we approach the 21st century, when central heating has become almost standard, why are there few more inviting prospects ona winter's night than an open log fire?
Does it prove that life is hard by the fact that no-body gets out of it alive?
Why do shops always discontinue any brand that sells well?
Why do important letters that apparently contain no mistakes when sent always seem to develop them in the post?
What do they do with all the mint they cut out of the middle of polo's?
If you don't know where you're going, how are you supposed to get there?
Does the information super-highway have service stations?
To be or not to be... Is that a trick question?
Why does Queen Elizabeth, who has people to put on her make-up, do her hair, and needs no cash or identification carry a handbag?
If life is hard, shouldn't we all be wearing helmets?
Is Windows 95 the ultimate triumph of marketing over technology?
Doesn't everyone have a photographic memory?
How can you sharpen your shoulder blades?
Is a bad looser automatically a bad winner as well?
If you use indoor fireworks, do you need to shut your pets outside?
What would happen if the Lady was allergic to Milk Tray?
What would of happened if the Waltons had been infertile?
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, would you be able to keep away three doctors a day by eating an apple every eight hours?
Is the best way to keep the doctor away by throwing the apple at him?
Are cows always in fashion because they are always wearing leather?
When you are sitting on the bus late for work, is everyone else on that bus also late?
How can you look up a spelling in a dictionary? Surely you must already know the spelling to look it up?
If religion is so good, how come it started so many wars?
Why are people that describe themselves as 'larger-than-life' always so one dimensional that if you turned them 90 degrees to the side you would not be able to see them?
According to people who practice homeopathy 'like cures like' - so ould you cure the 'flu by getting somebody with a cold to sneeze over you?
Would you be able to use hypnotherapy if you had problems with your hip?
They say some skin creams are dermotologically tested, who is this Dermot O'logical?
If university is a fountain of knowledge, why are most of the students there to drink?
Is a Polar Bear a rectangular Bear after a co-ordinate transform?
If the only tool you had was a hammer would every problem resemble a nail?
Why has the cost of living still not affected it's popularity?
Did the Roman empire fall because they had no way of indicating zero?
Is the art of diplomacy the ability to say 'nice doggy' until you find a gun?
What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river and save a solid gold baby?
Why is it we laugh at a man in a clown outfit but will not laugh at a man carrying a clown outfit in one of those dry cleaning bags?
Do chocolate eggs come from chocolate chickens?
Weather they live in a mud hut, igloo or mansion, why do people always want a better house?
Why does everybody have a different definition of 'good enough'?
If everyone settled for good enough, would things be good enough? ...Of coarse they would, because everyone believes things are good enough. The only reason to change something is if someone feels it's not good enough. Therefore, if everyone felt everything was good enough, nothing would have to change, and things would ALWAYS be good enough. GOOD ENOUGH?
Star Wars starts 'A long time ago, in a galaxy far away...' - Yet how come everything is so futuristic?
Why do aliens in sci-fi films always speak English, with an American accent?
If God was a human could you put him in your football team and let him play all positions?
Why are uniforms always uncomfortable?
If you ordered a pizza with no toppings would you have to pay extra because it's a speciality pizza?
If absence makes the heart grow fonder how come long distance relationships always fail?
Should you live every day as if it were your last because eventually, one day you'll be right?
If a Mandarin Chicken is made without Mandarin sauce, can it still be called Mandarin Chicken?
If life's a big joke, why don't I get it?
If you are what you eat, must Andrew Lloyd-Webber eat a lot of Arseholes?
Mustn't counting the pollen for the pollen count be very boring?
Under the sea, how come it's always the starfish that gets to be the sheriff?
At P.C. world, all the computers are white. What's P.C. about that?
Did Farmers create Mad Cow Decease just to make the rest of the population as mad as they are?
Why is it only musicians and jugglers that busk?
When will somebody tell Walkers crisps that it is green for cheese and onion and blue for salt and vinegar?
We hear so much about couch potato's, when will we hear about couch broccoli?
Who is armirage shanks, an why does he have his name on so many toilets?
If you didn't have dis-belief, would you need faith?
If Spiderman became arachnaphobic would he be scared of himself?
Are lies just the truth from a different angle?
What would happen if you installed a trap window instead of a trap door? And wouldn't this be the same as a normal window?
Does Law only apply to those that do something wrong?
Why do they call it a black and white television instead of colour? Surely black and white are colours? Couldn't you sell them as two colour T.V.'s? Then would you be able to charge twice as much for them as an ordinary colour T.V.?
Can you have only one plural?
Why do they give hurricanes names?
Who is the ammeter cameraman that manages to get footage from all the major disasters?
Is deep sea diving a very high pressure job?
Would a gay actor receive a kneeling ovation?
How can you tell what time you went to sleep?
How can anyone NOT read their own handwriting?
Why are there inter-state highways in Hawaii?
Why is it that when we're driving and looking for an address, we turn the volume on the radio down?
We all know the speed of light, but what is the speed of dark?
Why don't we ever hear about gruntled employees?
What would happen if they found and ancient burial ground underneath a serial killers house?
Does a tourist information centre tell you about the tourists that have visited?
Could you ask the direction to the nearest tourist information centre from a tourist information centre?
How do they get the deer to cross at the road sign?
Why are there use-by dates on sour cream containers?
Is lighting the only difference between pornography and erotica?
Is sanity madness put to good use?
Where is the 'any' key on my computer keyboard?
When they interview the next door neighbours of serial killers, is it so strange the neighbours say 'They were loners' every time?
What is the point of brick wallpaper?
When you've lost something, and ask somebody else if they've seen it, why do they always say 'Where did leave it?' If you knew where you left it, it wouldn't be lost.
There are many people scared of heights, why aren't there people scared of widths?
In exams, why does it say 'Write in your own words'? Surely you can't just go and make up your own words?
Should you photocopy your watch if you want time to spare?
Do people demand freedom of speech just to make up for the freedom of thought which they don't have?
What do the Swiss army do with those knives?
Does an existentialist map have 'You are here' written all over it?
Why can't we sneeze with our eyes open?
What did they go back to before drawing boards were invented?
How come pizza gets to your house quicker than the police do?
How long will a floating point operation float?
Was Jimi Hendrix's Modem a Purple Hayes?
Do frogs have an easy life because they can always eat what bugs them?
If the going suddenly gets easy, does it mean that you're going downhill?
Is a friend somebody who knows you, but likes you anyway?
Can short sighted drivers get prescription windscreens?
What would of happened if the ten commandments were multiple choice?
Is the best way to learn safety rules by accident?
According to statisticians there is a 14 million to one chance of winning the lottery, and a 1 million to one chance of being run over and killed by a bus. So why don't more people bet on getting run over by a bus?
Does the fact that intelligent life from another planet has never contacted us prove that it does exist?
If it isn't fun, why do it?
Why do they sell charcoal briquettes at petrol stations?
Would the easiest way to become wise be to think of something stupid, and then to say the opposite?
Is the best way you could achieve immortality not through your work, but by not dying?
Is it true that the only way to avoid the risk of failure is by not succeeding at anything?
Is smoking actually good for you - because it cures weight problems? (Eventually...)
Is change inevitable in everything except a vending machine?
Is there a word for sand in the Icelandic dictionary?
Is there an Egyptian word for snow?
Are children that get cancer smokers in a former life?
While having sex, would a selfish woman call out her own name?
Why do some documents have pages with 'This page intentionally left blank' written on some pages? Surely these pages are not blank when they have 'This page is intentionally left blank' written on them?
Do they have so few shootings in Iceland because everybody who lives there has to wear so many layers of clothing the bullets can't penetrate?
Would the best place to have an accident be where a mobile blood bank crashes into an ambulance?
To become a model employer would you simply have to employ a model?
Would an agnostic dyslexic insomniac lie awake all night wondering if there really is a dog?
Why do US congressmen run for congress, but UK politicians only stand for parliament?
Is there any co-incidence that the worlds best loved Englishwoman was killed by a drunk Frenchman in a German tank?
Would it be hard to make a date with someone who is into bondage because they're always tied up?
What is the use of a white felt tip pen?
Why are the people who mend shoes also so good at cutting keys?
Where is 'The blue'? - People are always phoning out of it
Why do people carry mini-fire extinguishers in cars? Have you ever seen a car on fire?
Why do they have buckets of sand at petrol stations? Have you ever seen a petrol station on fire?
How can people remember when they've had amnesia?
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
If you are queuing in the 10 items or less queue at the supermarket, and you had more than 10 items, could you change your name to Les and still get served?
If you went for lessons in bicycle riding, but could only afford half the lessons, would you be able to ride a unicycle?
Are the three dimensions of a credit card length, width and debt?
If you wore two pairs of 3-D glasses at the same time would you be able to see in 6-D?
If the world was a logical place would men also ride a horse side-saddle?
Is it true that necrophilliacs wouldn't be caught dead with the living?
We have enough youth - what about a fountain of intelligence?
If bankers are so good with figures, why do they have eight counters but only for assistants serving?
If you teach a child to be polite and courteous, when he grows up will he ever be able to get his car onto the motorway?
Is the best cure for insomnia a lot of sleep?
Does a man who has his feet on the ground find it difficult to get his trousers on?
Why does a cowboy wear two spurs? If one side of the horse goes, surely the other side does too?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
If our knees bent the other way, what would chairs look like?
What would happen if you bought a pack of batteries and found out that batteries were not included?
There is a CD called "The worst of Jefferson Airplane" - If you bought this, and enjoyed it, would you have to take it back for a refund?
Is there such a thing as a little lie?
If the meek shall inherit the earth, is that because they are too weak to refuse it?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
If you shouted at your plants instead of talking to them would they stop growing because they felt troubled and insecure?
How can you be anything but yourself?
Is there another word for synonym?
Just before somebody gets nervous do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
When sign makers go on strike, do they write anything on their picket signs?
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he think you are just sitting there staring at carpeting?
Where do park keepers go to get away from it all?
Is a conclusion simply a time when you got tired of thinking?
Would you grow a pigeon if you planted bird seed?
Why do they report power cuts on television?
Do the obituaries in the newspaper prove that people die in alphabetical order?
Is the speed of time one second per second?
Is time natures way of keeping everything from happening at once?
Does a psychic amnesiac know in advance what he is going to forget?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that only eats endangered plants?
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
Is a budget simply a method of going broke methodically?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Could you be a closet claustrophobic?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, does it make a sound?
If a man who had dyslexia was also cross-eyed, could he read properly?
Is Karl Marx's tomb a communist plot?
Is a harp a piano with no clothes on?
If diamonds are a girls best friend, and a dog is a mans best friend, who really is the dumber sex?
Could you ever see something that looks like an optical illusion?
If you pushed a pig down a hill would he be a sausage roll?
If Winnie the Pooh tried to take over the government would it be called a Pooh d'état?
If you wanted to find out how many lives your cat had left, would you be able to repeatedly hit it with a mallet, and then simply subtract thenumber of blows used to bring about it's demise from nine?
Is a dumpling so called because it looks like a little dump?
If Dolphins are so smart, why do they keep getting caught in tuna nets?
Why is Challenge TV the least challenging television channel?
What would they do about the Christmas speach if the Queen suddenly contracted Tourette Syndrome?
If you crossed a philosopher with a member of the mafia, would he make you an offer you couldn't understand?
Why is it, that in Wales, a Lampost with four sheep tied to it is known as a leisure centre?
To save money, should hospitals hire hypnotists to make patients think they've had thier operations?
With the technology available today, how come mankind has still not been able to create a covincing toupeé?
Would you ever need an ejector seat in a helicopter?
Is health is just the longest way to prolong death.
Does a horse travel at one horsepower?
When planets travel around in circles they call it orbiting. When people do the same thing, why do they call them crazy?
Most books say our sun is a star. But how does it know how to change back into a sun in the daytime?
Is a vibration a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go?
Is lime a green-tasting rock?
Why did so many dead animals in the past change into fossils while others prefered to change into oil?
Are clouds just high flying fogs?
Is Rain is saved up in cloud banks?
If the pen is mightier than the sword, then is tipp-ex the strongest of all?
Why do they call it a busy signal?
If God created everything, who created God?
If it takes a big man to cry, would it take a much bigger man to laugh at him? (Jack Handey)
If you thought you were clever for starting a fire by rubbing two sticks together would it be classed as cheating if one of those sticks was amatch?
They say a good comedian has to have good timing, so would it be considered bad timing if a he rang you up at 3 a.m to tell you abrilliant new joke?
Does the cockney alphabet only need 25 letters?
Is the ultimate Jewish dilema free ham?
When you have two items to carry, why is the largest one always the lightest?
Who cares how long a piece of string is?
Would living in a nudist colony take all the fun out of Halloween?
Do illiterate people still get the full effect of alphabetti-spaghetti?
If you were in a time machine and you shoved your elbow out of the window, would it turn into a fossil?
How can you have a frameless frame?
If God had meant football to be played in the air, wouldn't he have put grass in the sky?
Why are wrong numbers never engaged?
If a turtle lost it's shell, would he be homeless or naked?
If a man who cannot count finds a four leaf clover, is he still lucky?
If trees could scream would we all still be so cavalier about cutting them down?
Where does all the white go when the snow melts?
If somebody paid you One pound for every word you said, and took fifty pence away from you for every bad word you said, would you bevery rich, or very poor?
If laughter is the best medicine, why do so many people die?
Why shouldn't we speak ill of the dead? They are the only people who can't sue us.
If a man stood in a forest, and he spoke with no woman around to hear him, would he still be wrong?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that Doctors call what they do a 'practice'?
What would happen if you forgot to think, and then forgot to start again?
The bible tells us to love our neigbours, and to love our enemies. Are these the same people?
Why do they call it 'Unsweetened Tea'? Have they put sugar into it, and then taken it out again?
Why do people who know the least always shout the loudest?
Why is it, that when you transport something by car it's called 'shipment', but when you transport it by ship it is called 'cargo'?
If you had everything, where would you put it?
Why don't they make the entire plane out of the same material they make the black box out of?
What do people in Greece say when they don't understand something?
Why doesn't your stomach digest itself?
How many contests would you have to enter before you became ineligible to enter because you've entered too many contests?
When your wife is giving birth, and the midwife didn't turn up on time, would you call that a midwife crisis?
Why should you fight fire with fire? Surely you should use water?
Why is it, whenever you get more help at work, you get less done?
Do Satanists have to make lots of sacrifices for their religious beliefs?
Who had the foresight to call them Disc jockeys? Surely back in the early days of radio they only had records?
If everybody else in the world had a flu vaccination, would you need one?
If you drive past a road sign that has been knocked over, do you still have to do what it says?
If it wasn't for the last minute, would anything ever get done?
Why don't batteries come in packs of one?
Why do you always find yourself queuing behind the worlds largest family when you go into McDonalds?
If you bought a voodoo globe, and span it around really quickly, would everybody in the world get really dizzy?
Why does the work that you have to do always expand to fill up the time that the pubs are open?
What did they call barn owls before they had barns?
When something has more functions, does that mean there is a much higher chance of it breaking down?
Why do heat-waves always start the day you go abroad for your holiday?
How can life begin at forty? Surely it begins when you are born?
Was the Marie Celeste crewed by Lemmings?
How many teeth does it take to make a tube of toothpaste?
Why do people in Ship mutinies always ask for better treatment? Surely they should ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rockingaround they'd get a hell of a lot of free games. (Jack Handey)
Is there such a thing as a trick answer?
Why would you want to take the high road or the low road when there's so many nice level roads to take?
If winning isn't important, why do we take part?
If God is everywhere, why do people look up when addressing him?
Is a Gynaecologist a doctor who was too short to be a brain surgeon?
If somebody held a fancy dress party on an aeroplane, could it be called a flight of fancy?
When somebody is ill, Why do people say 'He went to bed with his head. 'Where else was his head meant to go?
If there is a meaning to life, why do we all have to die?
When a paraplegic gets drunk, would he still be called legless?
When someone is carrying something, why do they say 'You'll have somebody's eye out with that!' Even when its a blunt object?
Why do people say 'it's too cold to snow?' It's minus 50 in the Artic, and there's plenty of snow there.
What does God believe in?
If you smoked a joint, and drank a cup of coffee, would they cancel each other out?
If the police arrested a mime, would they have to tell him he had the right to silence?
Do people with psychic powers get nostalgic about next week?
If somebody with multiple personalities tried to commit suicide, is it considered a hostage situation?
Everything in space is weightless, but would a really fat astronaut weigh just a little bit?
When people say that they've lost thier train of thought, where does it go?
When you drink coffee out of a tea cup, can you still call it a tea cup?
If the world is spinning so quickly, why don't we all get dizzy?
When people who eat natural foods die of food poisoning, do they die of natural causes?
Would vegetarians eat carrots if they had faces?
When you ask a person in a strange town directions, why do they say 'I havn't got a clue?' Surely you don't want a clue, like 'My first is in Fish but not in Dish', but actual directions?
According to the X-files you should trust no-one, so why should you trust Mulder and Scully?
Do shampoos without 'Pro-vitamins' use ammeter vitamins?
Why do you never want the one you can afford?
Do joggers with pump-up trainers have to carry spares?
What is so good about Columbus discovering America? It's so big, how could he miss it?
Why do they call it a free gift? arn't all gifts free?
Why do you never see signs that say 'Feel free to smoke'?
If smoking is bad for you, how come every packet has a silver lining?
Can athiests get insurance for acts of God?
Why don't people who believe in re-incarnation leave all their money to themselves?
Why does an alarm clock 'go off' when it starts ringing?
Why do they call them 'appartments' when they are all stuck together?
Why is it called a 'building' when it is already built?
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
Why do you never get any good news from a letter with a window in it?
Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
If a clown had a child, and it started messing around, would he be able to tell the child to stop clowning around?
If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your criminal record?
If there is a time and place for everything, why are there so many criminals?
Isn't the word 'Deadline' a little too harsh?
Why do people like table dancing? Who wants to see a table dance?
Why are wise men, and wise guys the exact opposite?
They say you can't take it with you when you go, but what if it really wants to go with you?
If you had a Kryptonite cross, could you defeat Dracula and Superman at the same time?
What would happen if you had two half baked ideas at the same time?
Do they teach the law of Gravity at Law school?
What are we going to party like when it's 1999? 2099?
Why do they put the word 'off' on light switches?
Does a man who works in a bean factory always have his finger on the pulse?
Why do people take life so seriously when it isn't permanent?
If ignorance is bliss, why arn't more people happy?
When they say a man drowned in a pool of his own sick, must he have been really sick to fill up that pool?
Does a boxer make money hand over fist?
Why are people that own personal organizers the only people that have no life to organize?
Is the best way to keep death off of the roads to drive on the pavements?
If Aliens existed, and they had technology far in advance of our own, why would they be able to travel millions of light years across the universe unharmed, and then crash?
Why does your nose only itch when your hands are full?
Why do tourists got to the top of tall buildings and then put money in telescopes so they can see things on the ground in close-up?
Do they have seeing eye huskies for eskimos?
Is reality just an illusion caused by the lack of alcohol?
Could a woman with varicose veins goto a fancy dress party as a road map?
If black boxes are indestructable, why don't the make the entire aircraft out of the same material that they're made of?
How many babies does it take to make a tub of baby oil?
Do people who brush their teeth with baking soda cook with toothpaste?
If you held a fist long enough, would your nails eventually grow through the back of your hand?
Why is phonetic not spealt the way it sounds?
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
And why is "big" such a small word?
If madness takes it's toll, do you need exact change?
Wouldn't it be easier to get a soloution, then find a problem?
If one syncronised swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown as well?
Why are cigarettes sold in petrol stations when wmoking is banned there?
Why is there only one monopolies commision?
If you turn your computer monitor off, how do you know that your sceensaver is still working?
Why is it called a siamese cat if there is only one of them?
If animals are not meant to be eaten, why are they made of meat?
If 7-11 is open 365 days a year, 24 hours a day, why do they heve locks on the doors?
If nothing ever sticks to teflon, how do they get it to stick to the pan?
If you tied buttered toast to a cat, and then dropped it from a great hieght what would happen?
When using your computer, why does it never say "Good command" or "Excellent file name"?
In countries where they don't eat chicken, what do they say food tastes like?
How many haemorrhoids does it take to make a tube of haemorrhoid cream?
Do firemen smoke before sex?
What temperature is room temperature? - Every room is at room temperature!
Is there a do-it-yourself manual for miswives who get pregnant?
Why is there never a movie about a plane that gets there safely?
Would anyone need an index for a dictionary?
Why do pubs ask for driving licences for ID when you cannot drink and drive?
Do people who like peace and quiet use a phoneless cord?
If you used up all your sick days at work, would you have to phone in dead?
If you wanted to employ a telepath, would he already know where to apply?
Was your shin designed to find furniture in the dark?
In an athiest hotel, is there a meaningless void in the bedside cabinet instead of a bible?
Do vegetarians hate plants?
What is the point of writing about music?
Why do table tennis players want to play tennis with tables?
Why is there braille on cash machines?
Would a Catholic sperm bank be called kingdom come?
Americans call films movies, why don't they call photographs stillies?
How does stain remover know only to remove the stain?
What does a glove fit like?
If a deaf-mute falls in the forest, does he make a sign?
Why does bottled water have a sell by date?
What do they pack styrofoam in?
If there was too much comedy on television, would there be a sudden outbreak of happiness on the streets?
How do you know a certificate of authenticity is authentic? Does it have a certificate of authenticty? How do you know if that one's real?
If dental floss stops tooth decay, does mental floss stop moral decay?
What does a rabbit mate like?
Why do people think British safety standards are so good when the Titanic was made to British safety standards?
What happened before gravity was discovered?
Why do they put frosted glass in aeroplane windows? Who is going to see you at 30,000ft?
Why are there flotation devices under aeroplane seats instead of parachutes?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime artist?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out of it's nose?
If you were in a vehicle travelling at the speed of light, and you turned on the headlights, what would happen?
How does the man who drives the snowplough get to work in the morning?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Do witches use spell checkers?
Why do we only see signs saying wet paint? Why not dry paint?
If we discovered a civilization that did not know about war and hate, would we attack them because they were not expecting it?
If you melted a pool of dry ice, would you be able to swim in it without getting wet?
If Barbie is so popular why do you have to buy all her friends?
If you wanted to buy a map, to find a map shop, what would you do?
How do you set your laser printer to stun?
What would happen if you received a parcel, and it did not say "Open her", but "Open somewhere else"?
Why do people believe in re-incarnation? Who would want to come back as a tin of evaporated milk?
When you walk into a cancer research shop, why do you never see anybody doing any cancer research?
Chain smoking must be very difficult. Have you ever tried to light a chain?
Why do they put locks on cemetary gates?
How do you throw away an unwanted rubbish bin?
Would history be different if Jesus was a leper and kept falling off the cross?
If you threw a cat out of a car window, would it become cat litter?
How does a fool and his money get together in the first place?
When it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Why isn't there another word for thesaurus?
Why do they sterilize the needles used for leathal injection?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear crash helmets?
How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
When you choke a smurf what colour does it go?
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
If two people who have call waiting on their phones both called each other at the same time, what would happen?
How can Postman Pat afford personalised number plates?
What colours do you mix to make white?
Does 'Virgin wool' come from sheep that the shepherd hasn't caught yet?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Do they have reserved car parking spaces for non-disabled people at the special olympics?
Why do they call it a television set when you only get one?
What did people avoid things like before the plague?
Why do we call it a hot a hot water heater? Why heat hot water?
If you created a universal solvent, what would you put it in?
Do you have to tip if you wait on a waiter?
How do you grow seedless fruit?
Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?
A writer writes, a singer sings. Does a finger fing? A grocer grose? Do hammers ham?
Why is quicksand so slow?
Why are boxing rings square?
If a vegetarian eats vegatables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite a play, and play at a recital?
Do cemetary workers prefer the graveyard shift?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
Does distressed leather come from tense cows?
What do little birdies see when knocked unconscious?
Id debugging is the process of removing bugs from a computer program, is programming the process of putting them in?
Is polynesia a place where parrots go when they have lost thier memory?
Is a polygon a parrot that is missing?
Is there any future in time travel?
Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Are black holes where God tried to divide by zero?
People say "There is an exception to every rule". Why is there no exception to that one?
How do you know when you've run out of invivible ink?
Is a laughing stock a group of cattle with a sense of humour?
Why do psycics have to ask you your first name?
If blood flows down one leg, does it flow up the other?
Is artificial insemination when the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow?
If you want too keep milk fresher for longer, why don't you keep it in the cow?
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