If you hit the break key on the keyboard, what breaks?

In regard to Daylight Savings Time, why don't we move the clocks half
an hour and be done with the whole thing?

Isn't it amazing what a safe and cautious driver you suddenly become the 
moment you realize you left your driver's license at home?

We are informed that to contribute to safer driving we should always 
drive with our hands at the ten o'clock and two o'clock positions on the
steering wheel. Now that daylight saving is again in effect, does
this mean that we must now drive until Autumn with our hands at the 
eleven o'clock and three o'clock positions on the steering wheel?

Do you think Noah blamed El Nino for the flood?

What should a neighbourhood do if all its Neighbourhood Watch signs 
are stolen overnight?

If you're wondering what to buy for a man who has everything, shouldn't 
you consider getting him a calendar to remind him when the payments 
are due?

What do you do when you step up, and the bull has no horns?

Why do waiters/waitresses come and ask if everything is okay, when 
you have a mouthful of food?

Is what you are doing today, getting you closer to where you want to be
tomorrow?

Why is it that to belittle is to be little?  

When we want to cover over our past mistakes, how do we distinguish
between our mistakes and our way of living? Is there really a difference?

If you try hard to be modest, can you be proud of it?  

Why do people always remember where they were when someone
famous was killed? Do they feel perhaps they'll need an alibi? 
 
Why is the man always in charge of poking the campfire with a stick
and/or tending the grill?

Why do women always have to sleep in the middle of the bed?  

Does a woman feel that a dog's best friend is a man because she thinks
they're related?

Would you say that Adam and Eve had the ideal marriage? After all, he 
didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married and she
didn't have to hear about the way his  mother cooked.  

Why is it that we can be knowledgeable with other people's knowledge, 
but we cannot be wise with other people's wisdom? 

Which came first, the Question or the Answer?

How do we know if it's later than we think?  

Yeah sure, the grass is always greener on the other side, but doesn't it 
still have to be mowed?  

Why does the early bird get the worm, but good things come to those 
who wait? Isn't life confusing enough?  

Doesn't whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved 
beneath the chicken, depend upon your frame of reference?  

Someone once said "If you can't beat them, join them". Does that mean 
you're supposed to join them in beating yourself up if you are being
mugged?  

If you could really think of, and do, absolutely nothing for a moment, 
where would you be at that precise moment? And would you know
it?  

If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?  

If we all thought alike then would any of us be really thinking?  

Isn't being logical just the art of being wrong with confidence?

Is the problem with reality the fact that there's no background music?  

How do we know if we're thinking straight?

Would you have to think twice before giving something a second 
thought?  

If we live in a man-made world, why can't we remake it?

They say that if you don't do it, you'll never know what would have
happened if you had done it, but if you actually do it, would you know
what would have happened if you didn't do it?  

If you always told the truth, would you have to remember anything?  

Sure the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, but won't 
the  water bills be higher? 

If we're thinking of not doing something because we'll hate ourselves in 
the morning, why don't we just plan on sleeping till noon?  

Why do golfers blame fate for most accidents but feel personally 
responsible when they make a hole-in-one?  

Is gardening just another way for God to place man on his knees?  

What is the difference between retired and unemployed?  

If you're not tired, how can you be retired?  

What was the first parachutist thinking when he jumped out of the plane? 
And do you think he really jumped on his own accord?

Should we thank God that all of our prayers AREN'T answered?  

Don't you think that if we all would confess our sins to one another, we'd 
all laugh at the lack of originality? 

What if God doesn't believe in people?  

They say more people believe in the paranormal than God. What's more 
paranormal than God?

What good is having someone who can walk on water if you can't follow 
in his footsteps?

Why is it when we talk to God, we're said to be praying, but when God 
talks to us, we're schizophrenic?  

Can an atheist be convicted of purgery if he lies after swearing an oath 
to  God? 

If the devil makes use of idle hands, what does he do with busy hands?  

What is the diameter of a square?  

If time and space are relatives, do we have to invite them to our family 
gatherings? 

If helium existed in a solid form and you ate it, would you get heavier or 
lighter? 

If you dig up ruins from a hundred years ago under 6 feet of soil, how 
come you don't have to dig a hundred miles or so to find dinosaurs?  

Why is it that with every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three 
thousand miles closer to globular cluster M13 in the constellation
Hercules, and there are still some misfits who continue to insist that there
is no such thing as progress?  

Astronomers tell us the universe is finite. Isn't this a comforting thought 
for  when you can't remember where you left something?

Why don't they make computers that will do what we think we want 
them  to do? 

What is with all this concern about computer illiteracy? Since when do 
we expect inanimate objects to read? 

Why is it that the longer a person's sig file is, the less that person actually 
has to say?

What is the difference between 'More to Come' and 'Under 
Construction'?

Is the reason that computer chips are so small because computers don't 
eat much? 

How come we don't have an adapter that would allow us to use the 
laptop in bed? If we did, would it still be called a laptop?  

Have you actually seen anybody use a laptop on their lap? Why don’t 
they just call it a tabletop?

When new software comes out it's the ALPHA version. After hastily 
made  corrections, the BETA version comes out. Why is the next
version the Final or Production version, even when it still contains bugs?
Do software companies not know the third letter of the Greek
Alphabet?

Isn't applying computer technology, simply finding the right wrench to 
pound in the correct screw?

Why is it that to stop Windows95, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is the keypad on a telephone opposite of the keypad on a 
calculator?

Can you list the things that haven't been invented yet?  

Isn't an alarm clock just an aggravating thing that makes people rise and 
whine? 

If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what was yesterday?  

Is this instant, the one right now, the moment of the future that is 
presently the past?

Why put off 'till tomorrow what you'll never do anyway?

Why do people ask us if we have the time? Do we look like thieves?  

Why do pilots say "We are now making our final approach"? Did they 
make other approaches that they didn't tell you about?  

Isn't an aeroplane landing just a controlled collision with Earth?

What difference does it make whether you tell the check-in agent 
whether you're carrying a bomb or not? Surely it's not whether you're
carrying a bomb that matters, but if you're planning on exploding it?

When checking in for your flight, why do they ask if you've recently 
handled any explosives? Are they worried you might clap your hands
and blow up during mid flight? 

Why do people willingly get together into groups of 200 and strap 
themselves into a hollow metal tube which moves faster than a speeding
bullet at altitudes of up to 30,000 feet, in the hands of a complete 
stranger?

What if you made a bomb or a gun that didn't look like one? Would you 
be lying when the check-in agent asks you "Does your bag contain
anything that looks like a bomb or a gun"?

Do they fly up to 30,000 feet just to scare people, or just to make time for 
the in-flight meal?

If the aeroplane is falling out of the sky at a 45 degree angle, the air is 
being sucked out of the plane, and your little oxygen mask falls
down, will you be able to reach it if you've got your seat belt on?

If your aeroplane is falling out of the sky from 30,000 feet, why do you 
have to strap yourself in?

If the aeroplane you're on is going to crash, why do they try to stop you 
from passing out by giving you oxygen?  

Why is it that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, yet anyone 
going faster than you is a maniac?  

Why is it that an earthquake 4,000 miles away always seems less of a 
catastrophe than the first scratch on your new car?  

Why do all the perfect drivers always seem to be in the back seat? 

If a man tells you he's honest, should you believe him?

If you have extreme poverty, surely that means you have something?

Why can I never order a larger room from room service?

Does time wound all heals as well?

Isn't it strange that most people are born at such an early age? 

Is it deja vu or have you heard this deep thought before?

Is it deja vu or have you actually been here before?

Is it deja vu or have you heard this deep thought before? 

If shops advertize thier products as the best around, why do they also 
offer money back garentees? If there products are so good, surely
you won't need to take them back? 

If chicken meat is called chicken, why is sheep's meat called lamb, or 
cows meat called beef?

Is it possible to be trapped in a haircut that you no longer believe in?

Just what is Captain Birdseye doing on that boat with all those children?

If you always give up, can you ever loose?

If the bottom is about to fall out of your world, should you have a curry, 
as  then the world will fall out of your bottom?

Just why do otherwise intelligent people buy cinema hot-dogs?

Is love a device created by bank managers to make us overdrawn?

Is the only difference between us and animals is we don't lick our 
genitals  to clean them?

Is sumo wrestling just two fat blokes leaning on each other?

Are the only good royal's dead royal's?

Are experts just people who know what they like?

Why do parents tell everyone how wonderful it is to have kids, while 
simultaneously saying how terrible their own ones are? 

If UFO's are real why do they only appear to people that are so mad the 
cannot hold a camera straight or keep it in focus?

If curiosity killed the cat, what could it do to other, more intelligent 
mammals, or indeed tinned fruit?

Do wasps also produce honey? And if they don't, just what purpose do wasps serve?

Why is fast food very infrequently fast, nor what I'd describe as food?

Is McDonald's just like Dirty Harry - Each of them want to make your day,
but you'd rather they didn't?

If two musicians wanted to live together, could they share a b-flat?

If Oasis were born in Essex, would the song have been called "Don't 
look back in Ongar"? 

Is the true secret of life being totally truthful and honest, because once 
you can fake those, you can do anything?

Were the only things that kept me out of the Vienna boys choir the fact 
that I'm not from Vienna, I'm not a boy, and I can't sing?

They say ecstasy makes you loose your memory, is that why can I never 
remember taking ecstasy, or have I just never taken it?

Is the biggest ever decision in life to look, or to look away?

If you choose to look away, are you not still looking?  

Just how happy is a lark? Any why is he so happy?

Why don't cats pant? 

If dogs meowed and cats barked, who would purr? 

Were cats put on this earth to remind us that not everything has a 
purpose? 

If you could teach an old dog new tricks, who would care? Surely not 
the dog? 

Can a dog wag it's tail backwards? If so, how would we know? 

Do you think that when the insects take over the world, they will 
remember with gratitude how we took them along on our picnics? 

When rats leave a sinking ship, where exactly do they think they're 
going? 

Do apes go people when they get excited? 

Is the reason we have two ears and only one mouth so that we can 
listen  twice as much as we speak? 

Shouldn't taste buds on a woman's tongue be called budettes?

If nothing does it like 7-UP, wouldn't it be cheaper to just drink nothing?

If you kicked the Energiser Bunny, would you be charged with assaulting 
the battery?

There's Bud Light, why isn't there a Bud Heavy? 

How come the Round Table Pizza restaurants only have square and 
rectangular tables?

Why do companies send an invoice, when there is no voice in it? 
Shouldn't they call you on the phone and in voice tell you what you 
owe?

Isn't the most difficult thing in the world knowing how to do something 
and watching someone else doing it wrong, without commenting? 

Why is it that general solutions to specific problems become specific 
problems requiring general solutions? 

Isn't a desk just a dustbin with drawers? 

Why do they put up signs that read "wet floor", then get really mad 
when  you do?

If you always take time to stop and smell the roses, won't you sooner or
later inhale a bee?

If people really liked to work, wouldn't we still be plowing the land with 
sticks and transporting goods on our backs? 

Kids used to ask where they came from. Why is it that now they tell you 
where to go?

Why do we only call baby children and baby goats, kids? What makes 
these two species different from the others? Better yet, what exactly
makes them the same?

When a guy goes into a clothing store to buy his wife a dress, why do the 
salesclerks ask if it's a gift? 

Do people ask stupid questions for a reason?

If a yo-yo goes down and doesn't come back up, is it just called a yo, or 
a round broken thing? 

Could Humpty Dumpty have been pushed? 

Is it possible for anyone to listen to the William Tell Overture and not think 
of The Lone Ranger?

Should we ever pay attention to what the critics say? After all, have any 
statues ever been erected to honour a critic? 

Shouldn't we all be given the chance to prove that money can't make us 
happy? 

If you were really, really poor, could you pay attention? 

How come there is light butter but no dark butter?

Just how much proof do you need, to know that it's alcohol? 

If you whine when you drink wine, are you a whiner or a winner?

How did people ever figure out that eggs were edible?

Who ate the first oyster? For that matter, who ate the first clam? And how 
did they know how to open them? 

Since life is short, shouldn't we be eating our dessert first?

If the secret service is so secret, how come they have a number in the 
phone book?

Why do they call it a tax return if they have no intention of returning any 
of it? 

If you have an ant farm, can you apply for a government subsidy?

How come when we have a problem with our glasses, we take them off 
and look at them? Isn't the reason for wearing glasses because we
can't see without them? Just what do we expect to see by taking them 
off? 

Can blind people get bright ideas? 

If a colour blind person gets a bruise, do they get grey and dark grey? 

Why should we worry about the world coming to an end today? Isn't it 
already tomorrow on the other side of the world?

Why does the Bureau of Statistics always give out different death rates 
for each country? Isn't it always just one per person everywhere? 

How come no matter how healthy you are or how much you weigh when 
you die, there are always six pallbearers to carry your coffin?

Should we be conserving toilet paper by using both sides?

Why is it that no matter how much manure you put on the plant, it still 
tastes like a strawberry? 

They say it's always darkest before dawn, so wouldn't that be the best 
time to 'borrow' your  neighbour's newspaper?

Do they make silencers for staple guns? 

Doesn't following the path of least resistance make both rivers and men 
crooked? 

How come we believe that wrongs aren't wrongs if they're done by nice 
people like ourselves?

If you commit suicide and are pronounced dead, then they bring you 
back to life again, could you be tried for murder and condemned, if
found guilty?

Why is it that a collection of facts can be made to appear in so many 
different ways?

If subpar means below par and submarine means below water, what 
does sublime and substitute mean? 

If you are born legitimate but take ill, does that make you ill-legitimate? 

If incline means to go up and decline means to go down, then does cline 
mean to stay even?

If someone calls you uncouth, does that mean you've lost your couth? 
And if so, just what did you lose? 

When two words are combined into one word, do you have two words 
combined or just one word? 

Why is it nothing good ever comes after the words "Sit down, we have 
to talk"? 

If you write the Spoken Word, is it not then the Written Word? Or does it 
become the Unspoken Word?

A dot, a decimal point, and a period all look the same. How do we know 
which is what?

Isn't the urge to destroy, a creative one? 

Do true friends stab you in the front, instead?

Why is it that people who say they sleep like a baby, usually don't have 
one?  

Do women like silent men because they think they're listening? 

Why is it that most of women's problems start with men? MENestration, 
MENopause, MENtal anguish, etc. 

If men can "father a child", why is it that we never hear of any women 
who can "mother a child"? 

Did you know that men don't care what's on TV? It's what else is on TV 
that matters.

Why is it that whatever goes wrong, there's always someone who knew it 
would? 

Did you ever wonder whether we are the people our parents warned us 
about?

Is the biggest trouble with people, their trouble with people? 

If a native Californian is a person born in California, why is a native 
American an American Indian?

They say that every 4 seconds a woman has a baby. Shouldn't we be 
trying to find this woman and stop her? 

They say that opposites attract like magnets. If this is so, then when we 
are attracted to someone, how do we tell who is the positive one
and who is the negative one?

 Why is it that whenever two men meet there are really six people 
present? Each man as he sees himself, each man as the other sees him,
and each man as he really is.

Is there anything worse than being peerless in a peer-review system?

Who asked the first question, Adam or Eve?

Do brainstorms come with thunder and lightning?

Apart from the unknowns, isn't everything obvious? 

What good is a ticket to the good life, if you can't find the entrance? 

Did you ever think that the glass is neither half empty nor half full, but 
maybe it's just twice as large as it needs to be? 

What came before the chicken AND the egg? 

How come we never see any quotes from Adam or Eve? Surely they 
must have said something intelligent?

They say a stitch in time saves nine. Nine what? And what if you only 
wanted to save eight of them? 

Are you really going the wrong way on a one-way street if everything is 
coming your way?

Was philosophy invented just to explain obscure art? 

If you didn't have problems, would you need people around to help solve 
them? Conversely, if you didn't have people around, would you
have any problems? 

If your imaginary friend thinks you're imaginary, would that make you a 
figment of your imagination and therefore make you not exist? 

How come dumb stuff seems so smart while you're doing it? 

We all want to be happy all the time, correct? But if all we had was 
happiness, how would we know we were happy if we had no sad to be
happy about not having? 

What if there was a war and both sides surrendered? 

Is why easier to answer than why not?

Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to 
make sense, right?

If a fat man sings, does that mean i4t's half-time? 

If you don't hear the fat lady sing, does that mean it's still going on? 

When you're standing on the shore fishing with your catch beside you, 
why do people ask you, when they walk by, if you caught that fish?

Just what do they think you are doing?

Why do people get up, take a shower, and then go jogging? 

If you swim half way across a lake and realise you can't make it, do you 
turn around and swim back? 

Have you ever tried being ambitiously lazy? 

Why do we have a great divide, but no great add, subtract, or multiply?

Why do we sometimes say "Nobody goes there anymore, because its 
too  crowded"? How can that be? 

Wouldn't living be easier if men showed as much patience at home as 
they do when they're fishing? 

Is the real purpose of the Olympics just to let us know about all the new 
countries in the world that we have never heard about before? 

With respect to the use of drugs at the Olympics, isn't the gold medal 
winner ALWAYS the highest on the podium? 

Why is it called the Two Step if you do it for the whole song? 

How come rodeos never have cow riding events for women?  

Do you think female Sumo wrestling will ever be an Olympic sport?

At the 10-pin bowling lanes they have signs posted that tell us not to 
throw the balls. Considering that the weight of these balls make lifting
them a chore, just how do they expect anybody to throw them? 

If churches are making such an impact, how come we have to go to 
them every week?

What if Noah had missed the boat? 

Why do humans only care for animals that aren't ugly? (Have you ever
heard of a koala burger, or a seal pup slice?

What do people in France say when they swear?

At the beginning of films, why do they say 'It may contain sex, violence
and bad language'? Either it does or it doesn't.

Is a drugs sniffer dog the best job that can be given to a dog?

Do they have Chernobylly knees competitions in Russian holiday camps?

Do people who sign for deaf people have to wear boxing gloves in 
bed in case they injure themselves while talking in their sleep?

Why do the letters I, R and A at the beginning of words always spell
trouble? Irate, Irascible, IRA, Iran, Iraq...

With the internet, is the village going global, or is the globe going
villagious? 

How come Mystic Meg has never won the National Lottery if she's
supposed to be such a good psychic?

Is Mystic Meg what became of Rosemary's baby?

Why do the winning lottery numbers always look so bloody obvious the
following morning?

Is Christmas always cancelled in Ireland because they can't find three
wise men and a virgin?

Is it better to have loved and lost than to have paid for it and not liked
it?

Why do busses always arrive in pairs?

Why do real women never look like the mannequins in shop windows?

Can you get an SCGE in dyslexia? 

Why does the Community chest in monopoly always remind me of my 
last girlfriend?

Why don't they serve Ritz biscuits at the Ritz?

Is learning how to be an arsonist, and how to tie up people you've 
kidnapped the only good reasons for becoming a Boy Scout?

Is the best way to avoid a traffic accident to stay at home?

If they want to keep death off of the road, should we all drive on the 
pavement?

Does a really old man's toupee turn grey?

During middle age does your get up and go actually get up and go?

Is monopoly a game that parrots play on their own?

If I don't pay alimony can my ex-wife reposes me?

What would you send to a sick florist?

Is the best way of improving vegetarian food by adding a big juicy 
steak?

Is Las Vegas so crowded because nobody has the money left for the 
plane fare to leave?

Is social security a system that garentees you a steak after all your teeth 
have fallen out?

Would people be in better health if they didn't get sick so much?

Why do men buy encyclopaedias when their wives know everything?

Why can we still not cure the common cold?

Is madness hereditary? Do we get it from our children?

Why are elections always held on a Thursday?

Why do people never hear us the same way we hear ourselves?

Why do people hate slugs, but like snails? After all, aren't they the same 
animal with or without a home?

Do blind Braille readers have problems when they go to a house that 
has embossed wallpaper? 

When blind people die does their lives flash before their ears?

How did people in 1000BC tell the time?

Where do people who live in Lourdes go when they are ill?

How can Chewbacca in Star Wars perfectly understand English, but 
only speak in his own dialect?

Should the motto of the  'Supersnaps' chain of photographic processing 
shops be 'Someday soon my prints will come'?

Why do we tell children to make lots of friends, but then tell them not to 
talk to strangers? How are they supposed to make friends if they
can't talk to strangers?

Why must everything require thought? 

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, have you thought how you 
could enjoy yourself with a box of apples and the doctor's wife?

Does the man who knows nothing and knows he knows nothing, know 
more than the man who knows nothing and doesn't knows he knows
nothing? 

If you shouted 1-4-7-1 after the postman would he have to tell you who 
sent your post?

Can you tell shat a persons personality is by what they are like?

On the Starship Enterprise, when nobody is around, do they all swivel 
around on the chairs?

In Star Trek, would Scotty sometimes forget to beam down their clothes, 
just for a laugh?

Why don't we keeps gloves in the glove compartment?

Is this a question?

Did many a cavemen get serious injuries by playing leapfrog with 
unicorns?

Change is inevitable. Do you always check yours?

If the universe is infinite does it man that everything that can exist does?

Would you give a man who has everything everything else?

Are accountants mathematicians that prove everything = everything 
given adequate funding?

Did some cavemen get the piss taken out of them for wearing last 
seasons mammoth skins?

Why is it that humour is always based around somebody else's 
mis-fortune? And why is it the only language that has a word for this is

German? And why don't I find that surprising?

We all know that 666 is the number of the beast, but is 0.666 the 
number of the millibeast? or is £6.66 the retail price of the beast? Or is
782.55 the number of the beast plus VAT?

Why do people who are served 'off' beer always insists that you taste it, 
so you can see how vile it tastes as well?

What would happen if there was a lightning flash and it stayed on?

Where do female sex change patients get there penises from?

Can an ammeter footballer commit a professional foul?

Should the man who wins the Tour de France do a lap of honour?

Why do world heavyweight boxing champions need bodyguards?

If the Beetles were so good, why did they need Oasis to re-write all their 
songs?

If Paul Daniel's is such a good magician, why can't he pull a better 
toupeé out of his hat?

Is a powersaw a type of Dinosaur?

If a rottwieler starts to hump your leg, should you fake an orgasm?

Too save money, if you are stuck in a bumper to bumper traffic jam, 
should you turn your engine off and let the other cars push you?

Should you ever lend money to a friend for plastic surgery?

Why do clouds stay in the sky?

Where do flies go in the Winter? And do the people who love there 
wonder where the flies go in the summer?

Why is the sky always blue?

Where do the songs go on the radio when you turn it off?

If a mirror falls in the forest, and nobody is around to see it, does it make 
a reflection?

Is beef wellington made from a real pair of wellingtons?

Is rat-au-van made from a rat that has been run over by a van?

Why did nobody ever build Titanic II? Especially after all the money 
making potential of the first, TV rights, the movies...

Why didn't the Elephant man make another movie? He just made that 
marvellous first one and then disappeared all together.

Did somebody in the future invent a time machine, go back in time and 
visit the cavemen, tell them to draw all those pictures of men in ace
space suits on their cave walls, so that many years later they will freak 
out archaeologists and UFO hunters?

What would sci-fi writers write about if everything had already been 
invented?

Is the best woman you can find a sword swallower whose dad owns a 
chain of ale houses? Or is it a woman who is exactly 3ft tall, with a
flat head to put your beer on?

Why do people say 'It's a dog eat dog world...'? Dogs do not eat other 
dogs.

When people say that they will wait until the cows come home, where 
have the cows been?

How can you think out loud?

Do you have to be off your trolley before you can get out of your tree?

If god had meant us to use our hands why would he have called it 
football?

If England created football, why do we keep on loosing the world cup?

Do you have to study for a urine test?

Do women computer users receive Fe-mail?

Can vegetarians eat fruit?

In a really exclusive hotel is room service ex-directory?

How do you spell 'Pop' backwards?

Why do golfers shout 'Fore!'? Shouldn't they yell 'Get out the bloody 
way'?

Who was Phillips, and why did he invent that awkward screwdriver?

Would the best way to decrease class sizes be to put up one of those 
'Only two children allowed in at a time' signs on  classroom doors  like
the ones you see in Newsagents windows?

Surely the three R's should be replaced with Spelling, Writing and 
Arithmetic?

Why are children not taught how do divide up a bill for a Chinese meal 
12 ways at school?

In art lessons at school, shouldn't children be taught how to paint one 
wall white, over and over again?

Is the best way to get rid of noisy neighbours by moving in with them?

When your neighbours are playing loud music, should you put some of 
your tapes or CDs through their letterbox in the hope that they will
play music you like?

Is the worst question that can ever be asked by a woman,  'Is that as 
big as it gets'?

Why can you never find a fire eater when there's a fire?

Why are toilet doors that don't shut properly always too far away to be 
pushed shut with your foot?

In a restaurant, why do you always want to eat what someone else is 
eating?

Why do people put up a sign that says 'This gate must be kept shut'? 
They might as well of just built a fence.

When I see pitball terriers being walked by their owners, why do I 
always think that the one at the bottom of the lead is more intelligent?

What is the difference between lead and lead? (A dog lead, an object 
made of lead)

Do elephants need to apply for planning permission when they have a 
shit?