Why do they call it a hamburger when there is no ham in it?

What was the dead sea like before it got ill? 

If rhino horn is an aphrodisiac, how come rhinos are nearly extinct?

Why are men only able to cook one specific meal when friends and
relatives visit?

How does a Nun retire? Does she instantly not believe at sixty-five, 
and start partying?

Is Babylon the thing you put on babies before you iron them?

Could the band 'The Cure' get ill?

Do royal princes have bouncy council houses at parties?

Where do the Iragis get all those American flags that they are always
burning on TV?

Can you ever tell what a piece of zebra meat costs, because each one
comes with it's own barcode?

If genetic scientists crossed a chicken with a zebra would they get a
four legged chicken with it's own barcode?
 
Why doesn't anybody invent a battery powered hair dryer?

If beauty is only skin deep, how can some people be described as
having an inner beauty? 

Why does the sun on the vitelite adverts wear sun glasses?

Is a cross-dressing rabbit really a good central character in a childrens
cartoon? 

In France, do they play scrabble with French letters? 

If you ate in a German-Franch restaurant, an hour later would you be
hungry for power?

Can you trust a thin chef?

Why are people overwhelmed but never just whelmed? 

Why don't you brush your teeth with a teethbrush? 

How come, if a doctor makes a mistake and his patient dies, it is God's
Will, but when a hairdresser makes a mistake, everybody wants to sue
him? 

Why are flamingo's pink and their knees on backwards? 

Why are geese so noisy when they are flying overhead? 
What are they saying to themselves? 
Could it be "Don't look down!"? 

Why is there even a word for goose? Have you ever seen just one
goose? 

Why don't penguins in the Antarctic ever get frostbite? 

When we see a gull fly over the sea we call it a seagull, so if we see it
flying over a bay, should we call it a begel? 

What would happen if birds were ticklish? 

Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? 

Why do you never see baby pigeons? 

If a duck only had one leg would it swim in a circle? 

Do hummingbirds hum because they don’t know the words? 

Do Penguins have Knees?

How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the
pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that
dangerous beak. 

When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content
and adorable, why do you suddenly have to go to the bathroom?

Why is it that when dogs are soaking wet, they wait until they're right
next to you before they shake? 

Why is it that cats have the impeccable timing of positioning themselves
precisely under your feet the minute you decide to stumble to the
bathroom in the middle of the night?  

Why is a dog so jumpy if you lightly touch its tail yet it feels nothing 
when it bangs it repeatedly on the kitchen table? 

What is it about cats that make them have to do their business the
minute you've cleaned their litter box?  

If you spill spot remover on a dalmatian, will it's spots disappear? 

If dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them? 

How come a dog hates it when you blow in its face, but hangs its head 
out the window when you are driving? 

If you named your dog "Stay" and you taught him to obey your
commands, what would the dog do if you said "Come, Stay."?

How do you know it's new and improved dog food? 

Why are cows milked from the right side? 

Why don't cows die of heart attacks if milk is high in fat and cholesterol? 

If we have nightmares, what do horses have? 

What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep? 

What was going through the Mind of the First Person ever to Pull on a
Cow's Udder?

Do you think sheep know when you're pulling the wool over their eyes? 

If cows didn't have long legs would it lead to their utter destruction? 

Do cows have to watch where they step in fields? 

Is a sleeping bull a bull-dozer? 

If you put a chameleon in a mirrored box, what color would it be? 

If jellyfish eat jellybeans do they get gas? 

Do fish get thirsty? 

What happens to the fish when lightning hits the water? 

What part of a fish is a fish stick? 

Why do they call them man-eating sharks? Don't they eat women too? 

Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?     

Why is it that when you pick out the fish you want in the pet store they
can never catch that one? 

Since all mammals have to drink liquids, what do whales drink? 

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitos? 

Why is it that mosquitos buzz around your ear first before they bite you?
Do they just want to make sure you know they are there?

What do you call a male ladybird? 

Are female moths called myths?  

What did moths congregate around before light bulbs were invented? 

Why do some women shave off their eyebrows then paint them back
on? 

Why don't we get goosebumps on our faces? 

Why is it called a haircut when you get them all cut? 

Can a person with no eyebrows really look surprised?  

Why does blonde hair turn real dark in the water? 

What does your tongue taste like? 

What does the inside of your nose smell like? 

If you perm your hair twice in opposite directions, does it come out
straight? 

If you are open-minded, would your brains fall out? 

If a vampire can't see himself in a mirror, why is his hair always so neat? 

Why is it impossible to keep your eyes open when you sneeze? 

Considering the way the human eye works, in that it takes an image
and flips it upsidedown, is everything upside down to start with so that
you actually see it rightsideup?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips? 

What purpose does the trough that runs from your nose down to your
upper lips serve? 

How does one actually zip their lip? 
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet? 

Why does your mind instantly go blank when you enter a grocery store
without a list?

Why do fingers and toes wrinkle in the bath, but not the rest of our
body? 

Who comes up with those corny names for different colored lipsticks? 

When we say our mind wanders. Where does it go?  

Why does your nose run and your feet smell? 

Why don't all your finger nails grow at the same speed?  

Why is it that you can never tan the palms of your hands or the soles of
your feet? 

How can a person be "pretty ugly"? 

Why do they mark containers "This end up?" If you can read the
marking, isn't that end already up? 

On Earth, packages are commonly labeled "This Side Up". Would it
make any difference out in space? 

Who decided "Hotpoint" would be a good name for a company that
sells refrigerators? 

Why do they have the label on milk carton's saying "Open here"? Why
do you have to open there? Why can't you open it on say, the other
side? 

Why do they put a warning on the outside of a box of light sensitive
photographic paper that reads "Open only in total darkness, See
further instructions inside"?

Why is it that if a package says Easy open package then its almost
assured that it is not easy to open? 

If you wish to make an improved product, does that mean you must
already be engaged in making an inferior one? 

Why do the instructions on bottles of deodorant say "Rub onto
underarms"? Where else are you going to put it? In your hair?

What happened to the first 6 up's? We do we only see 7 up? 

Has anyone else noticed that when a new paper towel ad appears, 
the older paper towel is suddenly less absorbent than when it was 
new?
 
How come washing powders were 'Whiter than white' 30 years ago,
and have been improving ever since? 

Just how is it possible to get clothes Whiter Than White? 

Nissan says their cars are Built For The Human Race. Just who else
would they build them for?

With all the high-tech analysis being done these days, how can things
like Coca-Cola's secret formula really stay secret? 

Where are preparations A to G? 

Why are there so many ads for the Yellow Pages in the Yellow Pages? 

Why did they call it Coca-Cola when it contains neither coca nor cola? 

Why do they advertise Cordless Screwdrivers? Have you ever seen a
screwdriver with a cord?  

Why do they say "New and Improved"? How can it be new if it was
improved? 

Why is it that international magazines that advertise products will have
the same description of something in different languages, but the
description of each language is written in english? Who's that supposed
to benefit? 

Is it possible to get insurance on insurance? 

Why do Real Estate companies advertise Classic New Homes? If its a
Classic then surely it must be old?

Why do Antique Shops have signs in their windows reading "New 
Items Arriving Daily"? 

Is Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

In New Mexico a long-established dry cleaner business is displaying a
sign that reads 38 years on the same spot. If you dropped off some
clothes to get dry cleaned, just when would you expect to get them
back?

If ou worked at a fire hydrant plant, where would you park? 

What do they call coffee breaks at a Tea factory? 

And what do they call Tea breaks at a coffee factory?

If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around and
sing Happy Birthday?

We have all seen those signs "New and Used Antiques". What
qualifies as a "new antique"?

Why is it that every time you go through the drive-thru window at
McDonalds you can understand everything those people say, except
how much it's going to cost?

Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive around
the building? 

Why do some stores, when having a sale, display a sign that reads
Entire store 25% Off? Do you have to buy the whole store, or can
you just pick out a few items of interest? 

Why does the National Association for Mental Telepathy have a
doorbell? 

Why is there only one company making the game Monopoly? 

Why is it that Insurance always seems to cover everything except what
happens? 

Why is it hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial charges
and blame it on the cost of living? 

Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when you have to tell them your
name? 

Why is a women's prison still called a penal colony? 

Why is a store that's open 24 hours a day called 7-11? 

Why go grocery stores give preferential express service at the checkout
tills to people named Les? 

Why don't they just call 7-11 stores 18's? 

Why is there a post box in front of the post office? 

Why is it that you always meet your boss on the stairs when you try to
sneak away from work early? 

Why is it that experience is something you don't get until just after you
need it? 

Why is it that your boss calls all your ideas lousy until his boss has the
same idea? 

Why do they call them briefings when they take so long? 

If crime doesn't pay, does that mean my job is a crime? 

If a train station is where a train stops and a bus station is where a bus
stops, what's a  workstation? 

How come there's not some rule against stupid people winning the
lottery, then refusing to quit their lousy jobs?

Is Ambition just a poor excuse for not having enough sense to take a
break? 

If you work in a paperless office, what do you do if you need to have a
shit?

When we fill out a form, why do we say we fill it in? 

Why is it that when someone knows more and more about less and 
less until they know absolutely everything about nothing, are called
experts? 

Why can't I find any illegal-sized paper?

Why do most bosses tell you to not think just do what your told? How is
this possible? 

Why is it that no amount of planning will ever replace luck? 

Why is it that whenever you set out to do something, something else
must always be done first? 

Why do womens toilets have liftable seats?

Why does it usually take more than three weeks to prepare a good
impromptu speech? 

Why is it if you steal from one resource it's called plagiarism, but if you
steal from two it's called research? 

Why is it that at a meeting, minutes are kept but the hours are lost? 

If all employees in a company are supposed to think in the same
direction, why do you need more than one employee? 

Why is it that the less important you are in a company, the more your
timekeeping or absence is  noticed?

Why is it that the speaker with the most monotonous voice speaks after
the big meal? 

Why is it that those whose approval you seek the most give you the
least? 

Why is it that truck deliveries that normally take one day will take five
when you are waiting for the truck?

Why is it that when a person says that, in the interest of saving time, he
will summarize his prepared statement, he winds up talking three
times as long as if he had read the statement in the first place? 

Why is it that when the bosses talk about improving productivity, they
are never talking about themselves? 

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

Is it true that a camel is only a horse that has been put together by a
committee? 

Did you know that it is not what a teenager knows that bothers his
parents. it is how he found out?

Why do we use our child's full name when we are angry at them? 

Wouldn't it be nice if children remembered a poem or a prayer as easily
as they remember all the swear words that they hear?

Why is it that your child will go to the wall to keep a friend's secret but
will rat on a sibling in a heart beat? 

Why is it that your child will firmly believe that everything that happens
within a five mile radius of him is his fault (e.g., mom and dad's
divorce) except when he actually is at fault?

Why is it that we spend the first two years of a child's life actively
encouraging the child to speak only to shush them for all the rest of
their years with us?

Why is it that we can spend hundreds of dollars on the latest safest
most educational toys for our toddlers only to discover that they like
playing with a plain cardboard box or the pots and  pans? 

Why is it that only adults have difficulty with childproof bottles? 

Why is it that if you want to get something done you can either do it
yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your kids to do it? 

Why is it that children stop wanting to help with house work when 
they're actually old enough to do it themselves? 

Why is it that once your children grow up they stop asking you where
they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going?

Do babies think adults are cute? 

Do you agree that cleaning up while children are around is like clearing
the driveway before it stops snowing?

How come the stuff parents give children to do when they're bored is
more boring than being bored?

How come, we, as children will fight tooth and nail not to have a nap,
only to find ourselves as adults, wishing with all of our hearts that
we could?

Is the only reason we give our children middle names so that they can
tell when they are really in trouble? 

Why do children have more energy after a hard day of play than they 
do after a good night's sleep? 

Why do mothers always say that their child cannot play until their room
is clean? What will the room look like after the child plays? 

Why do we tell our kids to not talk to strangers but also to be sociable
and make new friends? Isn't this counter productive? 

Why is it that children seldom misquote you? In fact, they usually repeat
word by word what you shouldn't have said. 

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to forgive each other as quickly and
effortlessly as children forgive each other? 

Why are socks angled at 120 degrees, when the human foot is angled
at about 90 degrees? 

Why isn't there a weight limit on Spandex? 

Why is underwear not brown when you buy it? 

Why is it that at a bargain sale, the only suit or dress that you like best
and that fits is the one not on sale? 

Why is brassiere singular and panties plural? 

Why does something called goose down, fluff up? 

Why does any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure
gradient to exactly the point of most pressure? 

Why do you often see a single shoe lying on the side of the street? 

Why do women wear such uncomfortable shoes? 

Do boxer shorts box? 

Why do long dresses make women look shorter when short dresses
make men look longer?

Why are jeans so hard to fit into? 

Where do socks go when they get lost in the dryer? 

Where can you buy those little plastic ends to put on your shoe laces? 

When trying on clothing from the closet that feels tight, why does a
woman assume she has gained weight, while men assume the
clothing has shrunk?

In the middle ages, did women wear chain-female? 

If women wear a pair of trousers, a pair of glasses, and a pair of
earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bra's? 

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 

If leather jackets get ruined in the rain, why aren't cows affected when
they are out in the rain a lot? 

If clothes maketh the man then why do naked people have the greatest
influence on society? 

When you leaf through a copy of National Geographic, do you wonder
how lucky you are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear
clothes?

How come only your friends step on your new white trainers? 

Why do we have to dry clean raincoats? 

During the Middle Ages, would you be making a big mistake by not
putting on your armor because you were just going down to the
corner?

Is there anything in the world more useless than a necktie? 

What exactly is a dry lake bed? 

 Is it true that real knowledge is simply knowing where to find the
answers? 

Did you know that information is not knowledge anymore than loose
ingredients are a cake?

If human beings have the unique ability to learn from the experience of
others, why do we not do so?

Did you know that it takes a smart man to know he's stupid? 

How is it possible to have a Civil War? 

If the country was at war, would you be better off if you lived in the city?

They say history repeats itself. Shouldn't we be correcting the things we
do wrong? 

How did Columbus "discover" America if there were already people
here? 

Why do schools use suspension as a punishment for truanting? 

Why do we read left to right yet turn pages right to left? 

Why do you have to work like a slave to get a Master's degree? 

Why is it that Economics is the only field in which two people can get a
Nobel Prize for saying exactly the opposite thing? 

Why is it that you can comb through annals of history but not a single annal? 

Is it possible for someone to write an unauthorized autobiography? 

Is it obvious to you as well that too many people are educated far
beyond their intelligence? 

On a school exam that asks for your opinion, how is it possible to 
get an 'F'? 

If teachers are supposed to teach kids how to write, why do they send
home newsletters filled with slashes (/) instead of proper punctuation?
 

If all rivers run into the seas, why are the seas not full?
 
When you go to use the elevator, why is it never on your floor?

Why do they insist on putting up those signs that say "In case of fire do
not use elevator"?  Wouldn't most people try to use water rather than
an elevator? 

Why do people press the elevator button more than once when they 
are in a hurry? 

Why do people always look at the door when they're in an elevator? 

Why do passengers on elevators constantly rearrange their positions 
as people get on and off so there is at all times an equal distance
between all bodies?

Why are there signs about using the stairs in case of fire...posted in 
the elevators? 

When an elevator is illegally overloaded with passengers, who is
criminally responsible? 

How do they get the elevator into the elevator shaft? 

Have you ever wondered whether the building, and the rest of the world
goes down when we take the elevator "up" to a higher floor? 

Does a crowded elevator smell different to a midget?

Donald Duck has three nephews, Huey, Dewey, and Louie. Where is
his brother or sister? And why can't they take care of their own kids?
 
If Fred Flintstone knows that the large order of ribs will tip his car over,
why does he order them at the end of every show?

Why is there an Easter Bunny and not an Easter Chicken? 

Why don't cartoon characters ever change clothes? 

Do cartoon characters have nipples? 

Why does Donald Duck never wear pants , but wears a towel in the
shower? 

Does fake fur come from stuffed animal toys? 

Who would win if the Energizer Bunny and the Road Runner ever got
into a fight? 

On some young children's toys they have warnings that say "Not
suitable for children under  3". How are they supposed to read That?

How can Smurfs always run around in white socks , but never get 
grass stains?

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? 

Why does everyone, including his little sister, call Charlie Brown by both 
his first and last name? 

In Star Trek, Final Frontier, why would God need a star ship? 

Why is it that on any TV show, if a woman is running away from
someone she will always trip and fall? 

Why do the bad guys always wear black hats and the good guys
always wear white ones? 

Why is he called the Lone Ranger if Tonto is always with him? 

Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks
when the gun is thrown at him?

Why is it that most action movies the hero can be surrounded by bad
guys with machine guns, and only be armed with one pistol but still
kill all the bad guys and end up untouched? 

Why is it that movies based on true stories are always made up? 

Why is it that nobody on TV has time to watch TV? 

Why do all the female aliens in Star Trek have two arms, two legs, and
an urgent need to grasp at the concept that we humans call 'Love'?
 
Why do they always start off the evening news with "Good Evening"
when all they talk about is bad news?

Why did they call the show Mission Impossible, when they always
completed their mission? 

Was Roy Rogers a Trigger Happy Cowboy? 

Why are sequels to movies always so bad? 

Why do good guys always shoot better than bad guys? 

What do you suppose gives Stephen King nightmares? 

Where are the toilets on the U.S.S. Enterprise? 

If Superman is so clever, why does he wear his underwear on the
outside? 

Why are they called talk shows when most of the people on them 
end up screaming at each other? 

Why is it that when you finally get a chance to watch a TV show that
you always seem to miss, its a repeat?

Why is it that on TV cars will explode in all accidents, no matter how
slight? 

What did Robinson Crusoe do with Friday on Saturday night? 

Who edits fishing shows? How do they decide what's too boring?
 
How did the Daleks conquer the galaxy when they can't climb stairs?
 
How come the TV fishing shows never focus on the most important 
boat fishing skill pissing off the back of the boat after all those
beers?

Has Batman ever parked the Batmobile and come back to find the
stereo nicked? 

Does anybody remember how the movie "Never Ending Story" ended
up? 

How come only ugly people drown on Baywatch? 

Why don't they call the "Bionic Woman" the "$6 million" woman? 

In the movie 'Dances With Wolves', why do we only see one wolf?

Can you seal a TV with Video Tape? 

Do you get an A flat minor if you drop a piano down a mine shaft? 

How come you can't play games on a £2,000 computer that you could
on a £150 Sega?

If music be the food of love, why don't rabbits sing? 

Since the black keys on a piano are the hardest to learn, if you painted
them white, would it be easier to learn how to play the piano? 

If diamond is the hardest metal, why do diamond needles on record
players wear down so fast?

When people recognize somebody they seen on TV why do they
always ask them "Hey, didn't I see you on TV"? How are they suppose
to know who was watching them? 

Why do men always have to control the remote? 

Why doesn't cable TV show anything good? 

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person 
who drives in a race car not called a racist?

What is the difference between a violin and a fiddle?

Why do radio stations interrupt "60 minutes of uninterrupted music" to
tell you you're listening to 60 minutes of uninterrupted music? 

Why does a necessary item go on sale only after you have purchased 
it at the regular price?

Have you ever wondered how much money, in pennies, is lying in the
streets of the world? 

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go? 

They say that money talks. Why is it that all mine ever says is goodbye? 

Where did we get the notion that nothing comes for free? If the sun
decided to charge every time it showed it's face we'd all be broke
and really cold. Couldn't the sun be considered a form of Free Energy?

Why do people need a lot of money when they don't have any time to
spend it? 

Do you think that when they asked The Queen for ID she just took 
out a coin?

Why does a budget help you pay as you go, only if you don't go
anywhere?

If speech is free, then why am I always putting my two cents in? 
And why do I offer you a penny for your thoughts?

Why does it always seem that a bargain is something you cannot use 
at a price you cannot resist?

Why is it that by the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends? 

Why is it that if you drop coins at a vending machine they will always 
roll under the machine?

Why is it that in order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need
it?

Why is it that nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad
cheque? 

Why is it that people normally only leave their valuables with people 
they trust, yet when they travel they hand all their valuables to a
total stranger at the front desk of the hotel they stay in?

Why is it that the shortest measurable interval of time is the time
between the moment one  puts a little extra aside for a sudden
emergency and the arrival of that emergency? 

Why is it that the surest way of establishing your credit rating is to work
so hard that you won't need it?

Why is it that when we bounce a cheque, the bank charges us more of
what they already know we don't have any of? 

Why is it that when you get a pay raise, its just large enough to increase
your taxes, yet small enough to have no effect on your take home pay?
 
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

If a Principal repays the principal, does he give up his principal
principle? 

If we really did profit from mistakes, would there be any government debt?

Have you actually seen anybody laughing all the way to the bank? 

Is it morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money? 

Why do we call a sausage in a bun a Hot Dog, when it doesn't contain
dog meat?

Why does corned beef  come in such odd shaped tins?
 
Why is it that when your toast falls on the floor, it always falls with the
side the has butter to the ground? 

Why do hot dogs come ten to a package and hot dog buns only eight?
 
If cows are born for free (a blessed act of nature) why does steak cost
so much?

How can you have a jumbo shrimp? 

What part of the pig is Spam? 

Why is it called wholemeal bread, when it has no holes in it?
 
When I put bread in the toaster and out pops toast...where does the
bread go? 

How do we know if we are buttering the right side of the toast?

If M&M's Melt in your Mouth, but not in your Hand, would they Melt in
your Armpit?

What flavor is Bubble Gum supposed to be? 

What happens when your fortune cookie contradicts your horoscope? 

Why are there more brown M&M's than any other color?
 
Why do they put the little kosher mark on Easter eggs?

If peanut butter cookies are made with peanut butter, what are girl 
scout cookies made with? 

Why do we call them English muffins when they were not invented in
England? 

Why do we call them French Fries when they were not invented in
France? 

Why does a box of Jelly say to chill for an hour?
 
Why does your chewing gum lose it's flavor on the bed post overnight?

Why do they call it root beer when there are no roots nor beer in it? 

If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with? 

If the word orange was never invented what would you call orange
juice? Or oranges for that matter? 

If you fill a cup with dry ice and melt it, what do you then have in the
cup? Melted dry? 

If you made wine out of raisins would you have to wait for it to age?
 
What causes holes in Swiss cheese? 

What would happen if you put instant coffee in a microwave?
Would you go back in time?
 
When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say? 

When dry ice melts can you drink it? 

How does a thermos know whether a drink should be hot or cold? 

Why do they call them Milkshakes if there already shook? Shouldn't
they call them Milkshooks?

Why do they wrap cheese in wax?

Why is it that if you put a spoonful of wine in a barrel of fertilizer you 
get fertilizer yet if you put a spoonful of fertilizer in a barrel of wine 
you still get fertilizer? 

Does dog's milk last so long because no-one will drink it?

Why do people continually order a café au lait with milk?

Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded
every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea
what we are doing? Why don't they just give us a trigonometry quiz with
the menu instead? 

How long do you have to wait, after shaking a can of cola, before you
can safely open it? 

If it's really evaporated milk, why is the stuff still in the can when you
open it? 

Why is a pear called a pear when there is only one? 

Why is 1000 Island salad dressing called 1000 Island? I can understand
Italian, French, Seafood, Blue Cheese, Ranch, etc. but where did
1000 Island come from?

Why do we call them pineapples, when they have neither pine nor
apples in them? 

Why do we need tomato paste? Did we break one? 

There are 32 points to the compass, meaning that there are 32
directions in which a spoon can squirt grapefruit. Then why does the
juice almost invariably fly straight into the human eye?

Why do we call it eggplant when there is no egg in it? 

Why do they put real lemon in detergent and artificial lemon flavor in food? 

Why do bananas grow upward and all other fruits grow downward? 

Why do all things banana-flavored taste exactly alike, yet nothing like banana? 

Why are carrots more orange than oranges? 

What would have happened if Kuwait's main product was broccoli? 

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green, and a lemon
called a yellow? 

If a prune is a dehydrated plum, what is prune juice? 

How do they get the seeds out of seedless watermelon? 

If carrots develop better eye-sight, how come you always see so many
dead rabbits on the side of the road?

If fruit is meant to be eaten, why are some types poisonous? 

Why does a grapefruit look nothing like a grape? 

Why does 10 pounds of groceries generate 50 pounds of garbage? 

Why do you only crave fast food after the restaurant has closed for the
night?

Why do you get round from eating square meals? 

Why does food that tastes the best have the highest number of
calories? 

Why do people who only eat natural foods drink decaffeinated coffee? 

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized? 

Is it possible to buy something specific in a general store? 

Why don't crackers ever break on the perforations? 

Why is it called Grey Poupon when it's really yellow? 

Why is it that the other queue moves faster? 

Why is it that they put expiry dates on preservatives? 

Why does mold consistently become a color opposite of its host (i.e.
white on dark stuff and dark on white bread)?

If you are what you eat, haven't you eaten yourself? 

Are Cheerios doughnut seeds? 

Why do they call it ‘chili’ if it’s hot? 

Just how much is much? And when you eat a lot, why do we always 
eat two of them?

What's the difference between a pioneer and an illegal alien? 

Why are they called the United States, when each State is separate? 

Why are they called right-wingers when they're almost always wrong?

What's the difference between subsidies and welfare? 

The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words,
and there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence. So
How come American government regulations on the sale of cabbage
total 26,911 words? 

Is Communist China technologically underdeveloped because they have
no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate
ideas at a faster rate? 

What's the difference between a one hundred thousand pound political
contribution and a one hundred thousand pound political bribe? 

Why does the government offer free brochures for the illiterate? 

Why does it seem that the best way to publicize a governmental or
political action is to attempt to hide it? 

If voting could really change things, wouldn't it be illegal? 

Why does everything get worse as the economy gets better? 

Why do we call it government when it should be governmeant? You
know, we meant to do this or what we meant was to say this.

Why do they call them Peace-Keeping missile's?

Why do they call it a 'government subsidy' when it is simply getting some
of your own money back?

Why aren't conservatives interested in conservation? Or 
conservatories?

Why is it that what's good politics is bad economics; what's bad politics
is good economics, what's good economics is bad politics; and
what's bad economics is good politics?

How come we never hear of a government tax auditor being audited? 

How many social security numbers do Siamese twins get at birth? If only
one, then who gets to keep the original number when they get
separated? 

If laughter is the best medicine, shouldn't the government be 
regulating it? 

If organized crime makes lots of money, why not let them run the
government? 

Was there ever a dis-organized crime?

If politicians are not crooks, why do they get diplomatic immunity? 

If a catering service caters only when you want and a cleaning service
cleans only when you want, shouldn't the Inland Revenue Service
collect taxes only when you want? 

Why are crazy people always considered dangerous?

When people are being humorous, why do we say they are
light-hearted? Can not heavy hearted people be humorous too?

When a paranoid man has low self-esteem, does he think that nobody
important is out to get him?

If a person has no arms, but is carrying a gun, are they considered
armed? 

If a person could never hear nor see, so they have never learned a
language, how do they think? And what language do they think in?

Why are hearing aids advertised on radio? 

Why is it considered bad manners to show your prized cactus collection
to your blind friends?

If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? 

Why do they always let dyslexics write on the front of ambulances? 

How do blind people know exactly where to look for those little Braille
signs? 

Why is a shelter for the mentally unstable called a Sanitorium?

Can you write without being able to read?

Why is it that when you see someone in a cast or brace you say
"OUCH"? 

Why does the phrase 'speech impediment' contain four syllables?

Why don't they have closed-captioned radio? 

Can a blind man be afraid of the dark? 

Do you notice how blind people always wear glasses? Well, why don't
deaf people wear ear-muffs?

Can a man in a wheel chair really follow in someone's footsteps?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping? 

Would someone give their right arm to be ambidextrous? 

Do blind dogs have seeing eye humans? 

Do blind people "see" their dreams? 

Do they have a doorbell on the School for the Deaf? 

Why do people ask us if we had a good sleep? Is it possible to make
mistakes while we sleep?

How can there be self-help "groups"? 

Will we all die from drinking water? Since the day humans were first on
the Earth, most who drank it have died. 

Why is it that we loose all our childhood energy as we grow up and
need 48 hours in a day to get everything done? 

Why is it that the best balanced diet is a burger in each hand? 

Why are flesh coloured band-aids only the colour of white people's
skin? 

When you stand on your head, your face gets red, so how come your
feet aren't red when you're right side up? 

When people lose weight, where does it go? 

They say we're 98% water. How many glasses of water can we safely
drink before drowning?

If you ate your own foot, would you lose weight? 

If that thigh reducing cream all the women are raving about really works,
wouldn't you think it would shrink their hands, too?

Because life causes Cancer, does that mean we must outlaw it? 

Do toilet seats really protect us against anything? 

Is diarrhea considered hereditary since it runs in your genes? 

Is it not true that if you treat every situation as a life and death matter,
you'll die a lot of times?

Should we worry about dying, since it's not going to happen in our
lifetimes? 

When a child is sick, why do they NEVER throw up in the bathroom?

Why are some people afraid to die? Why don't they just not be there
when it happens? 

Is death just nature's way of telling us to slow down? 

Why do we itch? 

Why is it called a "hysterectomy" and not a herstectomy? 

Why is it that whenever we see someone who has just had an accident
and is bleeding a lot, we ask them Are you hurt? 

Why is it that whenever you've got a virus and you're going to be sick a
lot, you always throw up first at two in the morning?

Why take life seriously? You're not coming out of it alive anyway! 

Why when you throw up does it go everywhere but in the toilet? 

How young can you die of old age? 

Can you get cavities in your dentures if you use too much artificial
sweetner?

Where are the germs that cause ‘good’ breath?

Why does cigarette smoke always drift in the direction of the
non­smoker regardless of the direction of the breeze? 

On application forms, why do they ask us who they should contact in
case of an emergency? Shouldn't they always contact a Doctor? 

When pills are to be taken in twos, why do they always come out of the
bottle in threes?

Why do ambulances always have "ECNALUBMA" written on the hood? 

Why is it that Alcohol can Decontaminate a Cut in a Finger, but an
Infected Finger can Contaminate a Bottle of Alcohol?

Why is it that the colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is
required on it? 

Why is the amount of pleasure derived from a cigarette directly
proportional to the number of non­smokers in the vicinity?

Why is yawning contagious? 

Why do scars never go away? 

Did you ever wonder if happiness is merely the remission of pain? 

If you admit to yourself that you're going through denial, are you cured? 

When someone is tired of something, why do they always say they are
sick and tired? Why can't they just be sick or just be tired?

Why is paper always strongest at the perforations? 

Why do you only slip and fall when carrying fragile things? 

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when the battery is dead? 

Wouldn't a self-addressed envelope be addressed envelope?

Why is when something says permanent, we always mess up? 

Why is it that you never find a lost article until you replace it? 

Why is it that you can throw a burnt match out the window of your car
and start a forest fire, but you can use two boxes of matches and
a whole edition of the Sunday paper without being able to start a fire
under the dry logs in your fireplace?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something thats falling off
the table, you always manage to knock something else over?

Why is it that the books you lose by loaning are those you particularly
wanted to keep?

Why is it that no piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times?
(Try it!)

Why is it that in a modern household, the only things we have to wash
by hand are children? 

Would you be breaking any laws if you didn't put the stamp in the little
box that says "Place Stamp Here"?

Is it possible to fall off the floor? 

If you turn on the light quickly enough, can you see what the dark looks
like? 

What happens if you return a non-returnable bottle? 

When cleaning windows, why is the smudge always on the other side? 

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
would you call it an odd or an end?

If you placed a refrigerator in a climatically sealed room and left it
running with the door open, would the room get hotter or colder?

What is an "occasional" table the rest of the time? 

What would happen if you put a humidifier and a de-humidifier in the
same room? 

Which came first, the can or the can opener? 

Why are they called ash trays when they're shaped like bowls? 

Why do air conditioners always seem to break down on the hottest days?

Why do some hair dryers have the warning "Do not use in shower"?
Would anybody ever even attempt this?

If you filled the humidifier with wax and left it on, would everything in
your house be shiny? 

If you bought a microwave fireplace, could you spend an evening in
front of it in only eight minutes?

Why don't they have a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence?
There's a knob called `brightness', but it doesn't work.

Why is it that you can't buy a decaffeinated coffee table? 

Does a razor stop being a razor when it is no longer "razor sharp"? If 
so, what is it then? 

Just what is the washing machine doing during the pause between cycles? 

How come you always have thousands of wire coathangers but never
enough paperclips?

How many times do you use a disposable razor? 

If a mirror is in your house, and no one is there to see it, does it cast 
a reflection? 

If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand
words worth? 

If someone replaced everything in your house with an exact replica,
how would you know?

Why does a knife that is too blunt to cut anything else always cut your
finger? 

Why is the bowl you need always the one at the back of the cupboard? 

Why is it that whenever you go to put dirty dishes in the dishwasher, 
the dishwasher is always full?

Why is it always the non-chipped dish that breaks?

Why does unscented hairspray smell? 

Why is it that inevitably, the bowl you need will be dirty? 

Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free? 

Why do mattresses have springs, if they aren’t made for jumping on? 

Why do they make scented toilet paper? 

Why is it that no matter what colour of bubble bath you use, the bubbles
are always white? 

Why is it called "Taking a dump" when you don't take it anywhere you
just leave it there? 

Does how long a minute lasts, depend on which side of the bathroom
door you're on?

How come you always end up with a bunch of Tupperware bowls in
your closets but no lids to cover them with? Where do those things
go?

If you take a shower, where do you put it? 

What do people in China call their good plates? 

What's with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat?
Do they think that if they have a party there may not be enough
standing room? 

When there are only two of you in the house and the bathroom door is
locked, why do we always say "Who's in there?" 

Why are the toilet flush handles on the left side? 

Why is it that the most difficult light bulb to replace burns out first and
most frequently?

Why does it seem that if you put away a tool that you're certain you're
finished with, you will need it instantly?

Why does grass smell only when you mow it? 

What was deader than a doornail before hammers? 

Why is the leak in the roof never in the same location as the drip? 

How do they get the "Do not walk on grass" signs way out in the middle
of the grass?

Can picket fences go on strike? 

Why is it that when ever you are using an electric lawnmower, the
extension cord you are using is never long enough to get that last
little bit? 

How can you tell when a plant is really dead? 

If you bought used paint, would it be in the shape of a house? 

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? 

Why does the sun always rise in the baby's bedroom window? 

Why do floorboards creak only after midnight? 

Why do we say something is made out of Solid Glass? Is there any 
other kind? 

Why do they add "by owner" to For Sale signs? Does anybody really
expect to see a sign that reads "For Sale by Thief"? 

Why do the instructionsfor a mildew remover say "Use in well ventilated
area"? There wouldn't be any "mildew" if it were "well ventilated" in the
first place, right!? 

What do batteries run on? 

If there is a sign on a window saying "Keep Closed At All Times" , why
did they build the window?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their
vacuum cleaner, reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down
to give their vacuum one more chance? 

How many chapters are in a two story home? 

Why are there never any artist's materials in a Drawing room? 

Why can't they make newspapers that don't smudge? 

What happens if you put a slinky spring on an escalator?

What happens if you Xerox a mirror? 

A mirror inverts everything left to right. Why doesn't it invert top to
bottom as well? 

Why are haunted houses never locked?

Why are there no "B" batteries? 

Is it possible to have imitation rhinestones?

If police officers depict law and honesty, why do we call them
CONstables? 

If they were to legalize everything, would we still have crime? 

If you are judged by a jury of your peers and you are found guilty of
murder, then shouldn't the jury be guilty as well? If not, then they
would not be your peers.

Is a Jury simply 12 persons who decide who has the best lawyer? 
We always try to lock up Criminals. Shouldn't we lock up Criminal
Lawyers? 

When you go to court, does it make you feel any better knowing that
you are trusting your fate to twelve people who weren't smart
enough to get out of jury duty?