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THE OBSERVATORY A Hot Time in GOP Town March 1, 2000 |
| Say what you will about substance, but the GOP presidential race has been immensely entertaining, even -- make that especially -- for a Democrat. |
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The RICK REPORT ® will miss the
too-soon-to-end GOP nomination brawl ... Thrills! Spills! Chills! The Bush-McCain battle royal has had them all, along with a touch of the truly bizarre. We'll get to the bizarre in a moment; for now, just concentrate on the action-adventure part of the ride: The pundits all thought (so did I) that the front-loaded primary schedule would be a bust -- that it would come and go in the blink of an eye, before anyone but junkies was paying attention to politics. (On the Dem side, Bill Bradley did come and go in the blink of an eye: those few hours during the New Hampshire election when exit polls indicated that he might pull off a narrow upset.) But on the GOP side it's gone on and on, like the classic barroom fight in an old-time Western. GW Bush goes swaggering into New Hampshire from Texas, figuring to shake off anything those wimpy yankees can throw at him. WHAM! -- over the table he goes, sending gamblers and whores scattering every which way. Then Bush and McCain circle the South Carolina bar for a couple of weeks, McCain swinging wild while Bush cuts him up with a broken bottle of 120-proof Old Time Religion. And WHOOSH! -- Bush sends McCain sliding the length of the bar, shot glasses and beer mugs flying. "It's all over now," say the pundits at the craps table ... till CRACK! -- McCain bashes a chair labeled Michigan over GW's ten-gallon hat. Yet Bush stays on his feet, and it's OOFH! Virginia -- THUD! North Dakota -- WHAM! Washington! (Oh yes; Gore also decked Bradley in Washington, by a 2:1 margin. Ho hum.) John Ford never put on a better show, and it ain't quite over yet, even if the outcome is foregone. Give McCain credit for game; he's staggered back to his feet and may still get New England and maybe New York. But California will stretch him out on the floor. It's all over but the shouting. The barroom brawl was good enough, but this GOP contest also offered a nicely surreal sphagetti-western element. Who ever knew or cared about Bob Jones University before February? Who ever heard "stealth" hit phone calls, recorded on answering machines and played back on the evening news? Who ever saw a president candidate and prospective First Lady holding up Luke Skywalker light sabers? Sorry, Luke -- this time, the Dark Side won. But our much-overloaded Bizarr-O-Meter pegged and jammed after McCain went to Virginia to level his blast at Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell. Who'd of thunk to hear a GOP prez candidate -- and a serious one at that -- diss the fundamentalists in their own 'hood? Personally, I couldn't agree more with McCain's sentiments ... but then, I'm not your typical GOP primary voter, or for that matter any kind of GOP primary voter. You have to wonder, then, who exactly McCain was appealing to? One theory making the rounds is so wiggy that it may be true: McCain, knowing he's toast for the GOP nomination, might just be looking ahead to an indie/Reform run. He's got nothing to lose. As a Democratic party hack, I hope he doesn't. The best thing for Gore is a nice straight one-on-one against GW in November, with Mr. Compassionate Conservative (remember him?) loaded down with religious-right baggage. But forget strategic logic for a moment -- what political junkie wouldn't love to see the McCain show go on, into a three-way free for all in the fall ...? -- Rick Robinson
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