October 1996
People who know my life story often assume that this poem was written recently. In fact, it was one of the first I ever wrote, as a second year undergraduate student nearing the end of another year in hall, in the Summer of 1974.
It does seem to have borne the test of time very well though, although I’ll admit it has been tinkered with in one line to keep the sense through changing circumstances. Nobody, of course, understood what was really between the lines at the time .. and that’s part of the magic of poetry. A lifetime later I re-read it with wonder myself .. for even I didn’t realise all of what I was saying. It worked at several levels, and with different interpretations .. which is how we all choose our words when the truth gets uncomfortable.
Regarding how the previous year Has brought its' share of woes, And left me somewhat wiser Of life's inevitable foes I'd like to say how good it feels To look back on the past And not feel any shame About the role in which I'm cast. Another year of change it's been, A time to think again; To formulate and theorise And search my inner brain. And though I'm still evaded by The answer which I crave I understand this life much more And how I must behave To be accepted as myself And liked for what I am A loving, caring woman Who doesn't NEED a man I hope my life has mattered To more souls than just my own And people have found solace In the love that I have shown ... Or tried to show, (For sometimes I must confess The offering that I have made Amounts to something less). But at times I've often wondered Just what makes me what I am A product of my genes am I ? Of chromosomal plan ? Or is it something higher, This 'thing' I call my brain Directing every thought I have And driving me insane With worry over who I am And out of where I came.... ... I think I'd better stop And try to think it out again.
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