November 1996
If we’re lucky then we all get at least one big moment in life. The sort you never forget, and can’t wait to bore your grandchildren with … repeating, the well-rehearsed tale again and again. I count myself lucky, therefore, that I’ve already had THREE .. and can identify at least two more which I expect, one day, to savour.
Of those three big moments, the one which means the most, emotionally, was also the least well prepared. It was literally a case of thinking on my feet.
A few years ago I was an ordinary delegate to an international conference in Amsterdam. In theory I was just there to watch and listen. On the second day, however, I listened in shock as the people I represented were placed squarely in the dock by a formiddable French woman's presentation. At the end of her talk I was on the edge of my seat with indignation. Her closing remarks hung in the air and there was an uneasy silence in the hall as nobody quite seemed to know what should come next. It was as though the vicar had just sworn at the congregation.
Contrary to some people’s belief, I’m actually rather shy. In a daze, however, I found myself standing and walking shakily up to the audience microphone at the foot of the dais, in a hall filled with hundreds of lawyers, doctors, psychologists and politicians.
The exact words I mouthed are a blur. I was more concerned with hanging on to the microphone stand to counteract the uncontrollable shaking in my legs, and wondering if that passionate voice on the PA system and being translated into two other languages was really mine. Whatever I said, however, had the audience on its’ feet at the end. A year later I recall blushing awkwardly when the event was retold by one of the audience, over dinner in a downtown Manhattan restaurant. The event was, it seems, the stuff of folklore.
For me though, the event was more than that. It was a psychological turning point. A moment when I realised that I’d taken an important step forward in maturity. The day I learned to be proud. That night, in Amsterdam, I wrote down the thoughts taking shape. My new awareness.
Not a freak ... I speak Not confused ... suffused with confidence No shame ... No blame No regrets ... but let's forget the past On the brink ... I think for a moment ... poised before I move Not frightened ... just heightened feelings abound ... I've found my way
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